What happens for the other 47 teams? Will every player, coach and support staff return home feeling like a winner, filled with pride that they competed on the world stage? Will they delight in the fact that they earned the chance to represent their nation, play amongst the finest players in the world, and bring joy and inspiration to billions? Will they focus on the new friendships they formed and old ones they deepened? Will they feel gratitude for the memories made that will last a lifetime?

Or will the sting of the loss overwhelm them?

The answers to these questions will largely depend on one’s mindset.

While sporting events may appear to represent the ultimate win-lose situation, they teach us that there can be so much more. As individuals, couples, families, teams and nations, moving from a win-lose mindset to a win-win mindset may be the ultimate victory.

A win-lose mindset assumes that there is not enough to go around. If someone else succeeds, there is less success available for me. If another person receives recognition, I am somehow diminished.

Mental health experts call this “zero-sum thinking”—the belief that one person’s gain necessarily requires another person’s loss. Researchers have argued that this instinct is deeply evolutionary. For most of human history, resources like food, territory, and mates really were limited, and groups that failed to compete effectively didn’t survive.

People are prone to overestimate how zero-sum a situation actually is. We see competition even in circumstances where cooperation would serve everyone better. When you find yourself experiencing a win-lose mindset, you have your genes to thank or blame.

Fortunately, we are living in a unique time in human history, and many of us are blessed to live in abundance. We have the opportunity to incorporate new ideas and work to develop a win-win mentality also called a “positive sum gain.” I like to think of it as our brain’s hardware versus software. One comes from the factory and can’t be changed; the other can be continuously updated to ensure we are operating optimally.

When we shift out of win-lose, and embrace a win-win mindset, we can see the truth more clearly. We are all part of humanity, and the strength and success of one of us elevates all of us. As President Kennedy eloquently stated, “A rising tide lifts all boats.”

While only one team gets to lift the trophy, all contributed to the tournament. This year’s World Cup with 48 teams was the biggest ever. It entertained 6 billion viewers and was the most watched sporting event ever. The tournament was estimated to bring in $13 billion between sponsorship, TV rights and ticket sales. An additional estimated $8 to $14 billion was spent on travel, lodging and dining. That all sounds like a huge win to me.

We can choose to live with positive-sum thinking by cultivating an abundance mentality—the belief that there is plenty out there for everybody. People living with an abundance mentality can genuinely celebrate the achievements of others, share credit, and welcome new ideas.

Positive states like joy, gratitude, and admiration literally broaden a person’s attention and thinking, making them more creative and more open to connection with others.

Abundance does not mean pretending that resources are unlimited or that competition does not exist. There are times when only one team wins the championship, one person gets the promotion, or a friend gets engaged or pregnant before you do. An abundance mindset simply recognizes that another person’s success does not automatically equal our failure.

Even when we do not receive the desired outcome, we usually still gain experience, confidence, relationships, wisdom, and motivation. The same dynamic appears in families, marriages, friendships, and workplaces.

Win-lose thinking activates the brain’s threat system—the amygdala responds to social threats like exclusion or comparison in ways that overlap substantially with its response to physical danger. We become defensive and rigid. Our field of attention narrows, making it more difficult to see creative solutions or understand another person’s perspective.

A win-win mindset broadens the conversation. It asks what we are each trying to accomplish, what we have in common, how both of our needs can be acknowledged, what we might learn from one another, and what outcome strengthens the relationship as well as the individuals within it.

This approach requires emotional maturity. Young children naturally see much of life from their own perspective—”fair” often means receiving exactly what they want. As we mature, we develop what psychologists call theory of mind: the ability to hold someone else’s perspective as real and valid at the same time as our own, rather than as a threat to our own.

Building this mindset starts with small, practical shifts. Comparison may be automatic, not optional—but our reaction to it is under our control. When another person succeeds, notice whether you feel inspired or threatened, and learn to manage that initial response until you can answer from a mature place. When envy creeps in, catch it and reframe it: instead of asking “Why do they get to have that?” ask “What can I learn from how they got to have or achieve that?”

Widen your definition of a good outcome by adopting a growth mindset. Evaluate yourself by effort and learning rather than by outcome alone, and let that build resilience after setbacks. Rather than judging every experience solely by the final score, ask whether you showed courage, grew, contributed, connected, and stayed true to your values. Remember to celebrate the small victories along the way.

As we gather to watch the final World Cup match on Sunday, one team, either Spain or Argentina will be called the champion. That achievement deserves celebration.

And let us remember that every player and supporter can also go home knowing something extraordinary happened: I was there. I competed. I represented something larger than myself. I helped create the game.

Life becomes richer when we stop believing that another person must lose for us to win. With practice and patience, we can all overcome our innate ability to see the world as win-lose and strive to create a world in which we all win.  

Beverly Hills Courier columnist Dr. Eva Ritvo is a psychiatrist with more than 30 years’ experience practicing in Miami Beach. She is the author of “Bekindr-The Transformative Power of Kindness” and the founder of the Bekindr Global Initiative, a movement to bring more kindness in the world. She is the co-author of “The Beauty Prescription” and “The Concise Guide to Marriage and Family Therapy.” She is also the co-founder of the Bold Beauty Project, a nonprofit that pairs women with disabilities with award-winning photographers creating art exhibitions to raise awareness. Dr. Ritvo received her undergraduate and medical degrees from UCLA, and psychiatry residency training at Weill Cornell Medicine.

The post Lessons From the World Cup: Shifting From a Win-Lose to a Win-Win Mindset appeared first on Beverly Hills Courier.

We are about to celebrate the United States semiquincentennial. What’s that, you ask? It is the national celebration of the 250th anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence, and a major milestone indeed.

Anniversaries and birthdays are among life’s most important milestones. They are wonderful opportunities for gathering and celebrating. They also give us an opportunity to pause and reflect on where we are, where we have been, and where we are going.

Humans have been called “meaning-making machines.” Our brains are designed to make order out of what can seem like chaos, and birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries help us do just that. They mark the passage of time in a predictable way.

Long before smartphones, watches, or even written language, our ancestors carefully observed the cycles of the moon, the changing seasons, and the movement of the stars to make sense of their world. Early civilizations devoted enormous effort to creating calendars and keeping track of time. They built stone monuments aligned with solstices, developed lunar calendars of breathtaking precision, and organized their social lives around seasonal rhythms.

In many parts of the world, the changing seasons continue to serve as natural reminders of time’s passage. Here in Southern California, however, where we are blessed with sunshine throughout the year, holidays may play an even more important role. They become landmarks, helping us measure our lives, mark transitions, and remember that time is moving forward.

Every culture develops rituals to mark transitions. Graduations, weddings, anniversaries, retirements, and funerals help us acknowledge that something important has changed. They help us process endings, embrace beginnings, and create meaning from the passage of time.

Virtually every major religion incorporates rituals that mark time. Weekly Sabbaths, Ramadan, Easter, Passover, Diwali, Lunar New Year, and countless other observances remind us that humans have long understood the importance of stepping out of ordinary time to reflect, connect, and renew.

Our bodies are inherently linked with rhythms and cycles. We sleep and wake according to circadian rhythms. Hormones fluctuate throughout the day. Women experience reproductive cycles. Puberty transforms the body and mind, opening an entirely new chapter of life. Menopause marks another profound transition, accompanied by biological, emotional, and psychological changes. Even grief follows rhythms, with the acute pain often intensifying on anniversary dates and the passage of time serving as a powerful healer.

These milestones are not merely markers on a calendar. They provide opportunities for reflection. Yet reflection itself has become increasingly rare. In today’s fast-paced world, many of us move from one day to the next without stopping to evaluate where we are in the larger picture. We are constantly connected, continuously stimulated, and perpetually busy. Reflection has become an endangered activity, and this is taking a measurable toll on our psyche.

Researchers have identified a region in the brain that they call the Default Mode Network (DMN). This network becomes active when we are not focused on an external task. Nicknamed the “me,” “unfocus,” or “idle” network, the DMN is essential for creativity, memory consolidation, empathy, and constructing one’s sense of self. It helps us integrate experiences, learn from mistakes, imagine possibilities, and create the coherent life narratives that give us a sense of identity and purpose.

Many of us spend so little time in genuine quiet or reflection that we rarely access these benefits. Every spare moment is consumed by emails, social media, podcasts, news alerts, or other forms of entertainment. We are depriving ourselves of this important brain activity.

Fortunately, there are ways to strengthen this important network. Meditating, listening to music, exercising, praying, journaling, walking in nature, and other mindfulness practices have all been associated with beneficial changes. When practiced regularly, these activities appear to strengthen the DMN and have been associated with reductions in anxiety and depressive symptoms. Simply taking a short nap or allowing your mind to drift can result in sharper thinking and improved creative fluency.

Remember when you couldn’t recall a name or fact and, once you stopped trying, it suddenly popped into your head? Or when you finished a project and moved on, only to have a new idea emerge seemingly out of nowhere? That is your DMN at work. It turns out that our default mode is not to stop thinking but to think inwardly. When we believe we are turning our brains off, we may actually be turning them toward ourselves. Ponder that for a moment.

If the DMN helps us make sense of our lives, then it stands to reason that activities specifically designed to foster self-reflection may be especially beneficial.

Psychotherapy may be one of the most powerful exercises for the DMN because it encourages us to revisit experiences, identify patterns, understand emotions, and imagine new possibilities. We grow not simply from our experiences, but from reflecting upon experience.

Reflection does not occur only at the individual level. Communities, organizations, and even nations benefit from periodically examining where they have been and where they hope to go. Just as milestone birthdays encourage personal reflection, milestone anniversaries like July Fourth invite collective reflection.

Milestones are rarely purely joyful. Anyone who has celebrated a 50th, 60th or 70th birthday understands that reflection often brings mixed emotions. We celebrate accomplishments while acknowledging disappointments, missed opportunities, and unexpected detours. Nations are no different. At 250 years old, America can take pride in remarkable achievements while also recognizing challenges that remain unresolved. Mature reflection requires room for both gratitude and remorse.

Interestingly, research suggests that people are more likely to make major life changes around milestone birthdays. Turning 30, 40, 50, or 60 often prompts individuals to reevaluate priorities, pursue new goals, and reconsider what gives their lives meaning. Milestones do not merely mark the passage of time; they influence how we experience it.

Consider the remarkable significance we attach to New Year’s Eve. The difference between 11:59 p.m. and midnight is only one minute, yet around the world billions of people gather to celebrate because crossing a symbolic threshold helps us organize our lives and renew our sense of possibility.

Do you recall New Year’s Eve in the year 2000? That was indeed a major milestone, and the collective mood was one of anxiety. Many feared that computer failures would bring modern civilization to a standstill. Instead, the world entered a new century and continued forward. Looking back, that moment reminds us how difficult it is to predict the future and how often our greatest fears fail to materialize.

We also mark collective milestones. Many Americans can instantly recall where they were when humans first landed on the moon, during the events of September 11, 2001, or when the COVID-19 pandemic first disrupted everyday life. Such moments become shared markers that help define generations and organize our collective memory.

National holidays are often viewed primarily as opportunities for a break from work and a chance for recreation, travel, and family gatherings. They also create a collective pause. They help us appreciate the passage of time and invite us, together, to step out of our daily routines and consider larger questions. When millions of people stop at once, something important happens: we are reminded that we are all part of a larger story.

Families will gather for barbecues. Neighbors who may rarely interact will share food, conversation, and watch fireworks light up the sky. In an era when loneliness has become a public health concern, these moments of connection are more important than ever.

We are profoundly social creatures. Positive social interactions stimulate the release of oxytocin, often called the bonding, love, or cuddle hormone. Oxytocin promotes trust, emotional connection, generosity, and feelings of safety. Remember last week’s article about the World Cup and collective effervescence? July Fourth offers another opportunity to come together and experience that same sense of belonging and shared joy.

Lastly, holidays can generate what psychologists call moral elevation—the uplifting feeling we experience when witnessing acts of courage, generosity, kindness, or selflessness. Research suggests that moral elevation inspires us to become better versions of ourselves. In the prophetic words of Abraham Lincoln, it can awaken “the better angels of our nature.” Moral elevation creates a ripple effect, encouraging greater compassion, cooperation, gratitude, and civic engagement. And no matter how many times you have watched fireworks burst overhead, they still have the power to evoke wonder and awe.

As we celebrate this extraordinary 250th birthday, let us pause and reflect about our journey as individuals and as a nation. Who are we? What have we learned? What are we proud of? What disappointments still call for growth? How can we become better citizens, better neighbors, and better human beings? What role does each of us play in the ongoing story of this relatively young nation?

By American standards, 250 years may seem old, yet it is remarkably young by the standards of human civilization. Like all milestone birthdays, this one invites both celebration and continued growth.

Reflection is not about dwelling on the past; it is about learning from it so that we can move forward with greater wisdom and purpose.

Wishing you a joyous, meaningful, and reflective Independence Day.

“When you’re finished changing, you’re finished.”

—Benjamin Franklin

Beverly Hills Courier columnist Dr. Eva Ritvo is a psychiatrist with more than 30 years’ experience practicing in Miami Beach. She is the author of “Bekindr-The Transformative Power of Kindness” and the founder of the Bekindr Global Initiative, a movement to bring more kindness in the world. She is the co-author of “The Beauty Prescription” and “The Concise Guide to Marriage and Family Therapy.” She is also the co-founder of the Bold Beauty Project, a nonprofit that pairs women with disabilities with award-winning photographers creating art exhibitions to raise awareness. Dr. Ritvo received her undergraduate and medical degrees from UCLA, and psychiatry residency training at Weill Cornell Medicine.

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Transitioning from being a student to being an alumna or alumnus is exciting and scary. As I watched almost 2,000 psychology students walk across the stage at Pauley Pavilion, I couldn’t help but reflect on my own journey.

During my sophomore year at UCLA, I was approached by a beautiful woman during lunch. We struck up a conversation and, as they say, the rest is history. That woman was Lisa Friedman Bloch, who, along with John Bendheim, publishes this paper. When Lisa called and asked me to write about graduation, I was thrilled.

This is a unique time in human history as the job market is being reshaped at a startling rate due to advances in AI. The World Economic Forum projects that AI and technology will eliminate 92 million roles while generating 170 million new positions by 2030—a net gain of 78 million new jobs in just four years. That is cause for optimism, not alarm. Entry-level jobs like data entry and basic coding are contracting, while roles requiring higher-level skills like critical thinking, judgment, and leadership are expanding. The graduates of 2026, and all of us, will do best by learning to work alongside AI rather than seeing it as a competitor.

Whether you are 22 and have just received your diploma, 42 and navigating mid-career, or 62 and thinking about retirement, a few principles can help any transition go more smoothly.

Tip #1: Embrace Uncertainty

We are fortunate to be living in an era of long lifespans and abundant opportunity, which means the chances of remaining in one job over an entire lifetime are quite low. For any of us, at any age or stage, resist the urge to believe you have everything mapped out. Remember the old saying: “Man plans, God laughs.”

The only constant is change. Learn to be nimble, take chances, and remain open, optimistic, and flexible. These qualities help us build the best possible professional lives.

My own path after UCLA has led me in directions I never imagined, including writing this column. As an undergraduate, I dreamed of becoming a lawyer and a judge. But I was intimidated by all the reading and writing and found that math and biology came more naturally, so I switched to pre-med. After 19 years in academic medicine, I left and started my own psychiatry practice.

A few years later, I was introduced to Shelly Baer by a mutual friend, and she asked me to help bring her idea to life. Together, we built a nonprofit, which we named the Bold Beauty Project (www.boldbeautyproject.com) while continuing my private practice half-time. COVID-19 threw a wrench in all aspects of life. My practice grew and BBP paused. Six years later, The Bold Beauty Project just exhibited alongside the Venice Biennale, the world’s largest art fair. Life often feels more like a game of Candy Land with wins and setbacks, both equally unexpected.

Tip #2: Invest in Relationships

Grow your network and don’t underestimate the power of friends of friends and acquaintances. Sociologists call them “weak ties”: the former professor, the family friend, the colleague from three jobs ago. These peripheral relationships are often the ones that open the most surprising doors as they bridge the gap between different social circles and can introduce you to new ideas and opportunities. Be brave and kind and reach out.

Research on life satisfaction from the landmark Harvard Study of Adult Development to the latest neuroscience consistently shows that the quality of our relationships is the single greatest predictor of health, happiness, and longevity. Not income. Not prestige.

Many of our deepest relationships are forged at work. Consider the math: 40 hours a week, 48 weeks a year, over a 45-year career adds up to 86,400 hours. That is an enormous portion of one’s life and why the people you share it with matter so much.

To our readers who have had decades to accumulate wisdom: reach out to a younger person in your orbit. Invite them to lunch or coffee. Share your experiences. You may never know how one conversation can alter the trajectory of a life, including your own. Today’s young people are thoughtful, creative, and have much to teach us as well.

Tip #3: Let Curiosity Lead

Ambition says, “I want to get there.” Curiosity says, “I wonder what’s over there.” Both matter, but curiosity ages far better. It keeps us learning, adaptable and engaged with life. As the world changes rapidly, think of yourself as a lifelong learner. Continue your education through reading, travel, online courses, conversations, and new experiences. 

We are entering a world where AI will handle routine tasks, analysis, and even creative first drafts. Those who thrive won’t be the ones who outwork the algorithms. They will be the ones who out-wonder them.

One of the best ways to reboot your professional life at any age is to return to school. My aunt began a Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior when her last child left for college. Upon completion, she launched a consulting practice and would proudly report that her highest-earning years were her 80s. 

Tip #4: Fail Forward

California has always attracted people who dream big. Some of those dreams work spectacularly. Others don’t. The people who ultimately flourish share a common habit: they fail, extract the lesson, and move forward without letting failure define them. This is called resilience, and it is a skill that can be built. Every setback is an opportunity to regroup and improve. Did I mention the one-handed mascara I tried to invent with my daughter who has a disability? After many years, and many dollars, we quit.  Lessons learned, and a healthy respect gained for entrepreneurs, thereby making me a better psychotherapist.

Tip #5: Don’t Be Afraid to Do Hard Things

One of the most important lessons adulthood teaches is that hard things are usually worth doing.

The experiences that bring the greatest satisfaction—earning a degree, raising a family, building a business, caring for an aging parent, mastering a new skill—are rarely easy. In a culture that increasingly prizes ease and convenience, there is growing pressure to avoid struggle altogether. Yet confidence does not come from avoiding hard things. It comes from doing them.

Every time you accomplish something difficult, you accumulate evidence that you can handle what comes next. Self-confidence makes life more manageable and enjoyable.  Hard-won victories often boost it the most.

Tip #6: Play the Long Game

One of the great surprises of adulthood is how long worthwhile things actually take. Careers take time to build. Relationships take time to deepen. Financial security takes time to accumulate. Expertise takes time to develop.

In a world obsessed with instant results, it is easy to underestimate the quiet power of consistent, sustained effort.

Hard work still matters. The formula isn’t glamorous, but it remains remarkably reliable: show up, keep learning, be dependable, treat people well, and keep moving forward even when progress feels invisible.

Often the difference between those who succeed and those who don’t is not talent. It is simply staying in the game long enough for your efforts to compound. I know most financial advisors will give that same advice.

Tip #7: Define Success on Your Own Terms

The most important question any of us can ask is not “What do I want to do?” It is “What kind of person do I want to become?” 

I have watched too many people chase external validation such as a title, a prestigious affiliation, a number in a bank account, only to arrive and discover the destination feels strangely hollow. As you build your life, define success on your own terms and revisit that definition often. What matters at 25 may look very different at 35, 55 or 75. That evolution is not failure. It is wisdom.

Tip #8: Maintain Your Integrity

I have saved the most important tip for last. Integrity is the practice of being honest and showing consistent, uncompromising adherence to strong moral and ethical principles. It is the compass that keeps you pointed in the right direction in good times and in hard ones. Titles fade. Markets fluctuate. Reputations endure. And knowing you did your best, it the greatest comfort in times of success and failure.

Let integrity be your guide. In the end, how you travel matters more than where you arrive.

Congratulations, Class of 2026. 

Enjoy the ride. 

Beverly Hills Courier columnist Dr. Eva Ritvo is a psychiatrist with more than 30 years’ experience practicing in Miami Beach. She is the author of “Bekindr-The Transformative Power of Kindness” and the founder of the Bekindr Global Initiative, a movement to bring more kindness in the world. She is the co-author of “The Beauty Prescription” and “The Concise Guide to Marriage and Family Therapy.” She is also the co-founder of the Bold Beauty Project, a nonprofit that pairs women with disabilities with award-winning photographers creating art exhibitions to raise awareness. Dr. Ritvo received her undergraduate and medical degrees from UCLA, and psychiatry residency training at Weill Cornell Medicine.

The post Congratulations, 2026 Graduates! Now What? | Eight Tips for Navigating Change and Building a Meaningful Life at Any Age appeared first on Beverly Hills Courier.

As we gather for the world’s largest sporting event over the next weeks, national identity becomes more salient. People wear team colors, gather in public spaces, and share victories and disappointments with strangers. Suddenly, someone sitting next to you in a restaurant, airport lounge, or sports bar feels like part of your team.

Neuroscientists have identified systems in the brain that help us resonate with the emotions of others. When we see someone laugh, cry, celebrate, or grieve, parts of our own brain activate as if we were sharing the experience ourselves. This helps explain why a goal scored thousands of miles away can trigger genuine excitement in people who have never met the players and may never visit the country they represent.

The effect becomes even stronger when experienced collectively. Psychologists call this collective effervescence, a heightened sense of energy and connection that emerges when people share a common focus and emotional experience. The World Cup may be one of the largest examples of this phenomenon on Earth.

This year’s tournament is particularly special because it comes to us. Matches will be played across the United States, Canada, and Mexico, including Los Angeles, Miami, New York, Dallas, Atlanta, and more. For many Americans, this is a rare opportunity to experience the world’s biggest sporting event in person.

Americans often compare the World Cup to the Super Bowl, but the comparison only goes so far. The Super Bowl captures one country; the World Cup captures the globe. A better parallel might be the Olympics, yet even that spreads its attention across hundreds of sports and champions. The World Cup focuses the entire world on one game and one trophy, and the stakes feel different. A baseball team can lose 60 games and still have a successful season. In the World Cup, there are no second chances. Every match carries the weight of national pride and years of preparation, and a single mistake can end it all.

Soccer’s accessibility helped make it the world’s most beloved sport. All you need is a ball and an open space from the streets of Rio de Janeiro to schoolyards across Asia and parks throughout North America. That simplicity is part of what gives this tournament its extraordinary reach. More than 5 billion people are expected to engage with it in some way, meaning well over half the world’s population will share a single collective experience.

Research also suggests that simply anticipating something positive boosts our mood long before the event itself arrives. Friends will organize viewing parties. Families will gather around televisions. Conversations will begin with, “Did you see that match?” In an era when much of the news cycle focuses on conflict and uncertainty, there is real value in having something joyful to look forward to.

Some Words of Caution

Like most things in life, there can be a dark side too. Watching the World Cup can ignite the addiction pathways in our brain. The drama of knockout rounds, the unpredictability of upsets, the emotional swings of penalty shootouts all create a neurological cocktail that keeps you coming back for more. Matches are played at all hours across time zones, and with every game feeling like a must-watch, it is easy to lose track of time, sleep, and obligations.

Before the tournament begins, it’s worth setting some intentional boundaries. Late-night games on a work night might be best saved for a recording. Children’s bedtimes, family dinners, and important commitments deserve protection even from the world’s greatest sporting event. A simple plan goes a long way. Decide in advance which matches are priority watches and be judicious about the rest. Five weeks is too long to be sleep-deprived, distracted and preoccupied. Remember habit formation can occur in less than 30 days. 

The same caution should be applied to sports betting. In addition to being the world’s largest sporting event, it is also one of the largest gambling events. The 2026 World Cup is expected to generate $50 billion in wagers globally. U.S. betting alone is projected at $2.8-3-1 billion. Mobile apps have made betting easier than ever, and TV and mobile devices and are bombarding us ads. Gambling activates the same part of our brain as when we use cocaine and can easily go from a fun activity to one with serious financial and mental health consequences. If you choose to participate, set a firm budget before the match kicks off and stick to it. The emotional stakes of the World Cup are already high enough without adding financial ones.

Excess use of alcohol is another risk to take note of. Beer drinking is most common and can be hazardous especially when consumed over long periods, in the hot sun and when combined with driving. Domestic violence has been shown to rise on days of big sporting events, and we are all too familiar with cases of fan violence. We need look no further than the high number of incidents in NYC after the Knicks’ recent win. 

The happiest and healthiest fans remember that sports are an opportunity for connection and often for celebration. The goal is to enrich your life during these weeks, not to emerge on the other side exhausted, behind at work, and with strained relationships or pocketbooks. 

Whether you are a devoted fan who knows every player on every roster or someone who only tunes in during World Cup years, there is something profound about the World Cup being played here. In a time filled with anxiety about wars and finances, loneliness, political division, and the rapidly evolving technology, this tournament offers a chance for a shared human experience and joy. And it will be an excellent opportunity to learn what LA needs to do for the 2028 Olympics. Let the games begin. 

“Sport has the power to change the world. It has the power to inspire. It has the power to unite people in a way that little else does.” — Nelson Mandela 

Beverly Hills Courier columnist Dr. Eva Ritvo is a psychiatrist with more than 30 years’ experience practicing in Miami Beach. She is the author of “Bekindr-The Transformative Power of Kindness” and the founder of the Bekindr Global Initiative, a movement to bring more kindness in the world. She is the co-author of “The Beauty Prescription” and “The Concise Guide to Marriage and Family Therapy.” She is also the co-founder of the Bold Beauty Project, a nonprofit that pairs women with disabilities with award-winning photographers creating art exhibitions to raise awareness. Dr. Ritvo received her undergraduate and medical degrees from UCLA, and psychiatry residency training at Weill Cornell Medicine.

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Over 30 million people worldwide now use AI mental health apps, with usage accelerating throughout 2025. Not surprisingly, younger people are leading the charge. About 36% of Millennials and Gen Z say they’re open to trying AI for mental health support, compared to 28% of older generations. For many younger people, chatting with an app feels less intimidating than sitting across from a therapist. These apps are always available. Feeling anxious at 2 a.m.? The app responds in under 30 seconds. No waiting rooms, no scheduling conflicts, no sitting in traffic.

It’s important to distinguish between AI chatbots designed specifically for mental health—like Woebot, Wysa, and Youper—and general-purpose AI assistants like ChatGPT, Claude, or Gemini that we have discussed in the past. Mental health apps are built with clinical frameworks (like CBT: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), tested in peer-reviewed studies, and designed with safety protocols for crisis situations. General AI chatbots, while often providing excellent general advice, aren’t trained in therapeutic techniques and lack the specialized safeguards needed for mental health support.

The AI mental health market is exploding. From $1.8 billion in 2024, it’s expected to reach nearly $12 billion by 2034. Investors are pouring in money—over $6 billion in the first half of 2025 alone—with most going to AI mental health startups. These apps have found sustainable business models through monthly subscriptions (usually $30-40), partnerships with insurance companies, and integration into telehealth services.

Several platforms have emerged as favorites:

Woebot Health uses CBT techniques in a chat format. Think of it as texting with a therapist who specializes in helping you challenge negative thought patterns. Clinical studies show users experience less depression within just four weeks. It’s even partnered with CVS Health.

Wysa serves over 3 million people in 65 countries and works with major healthcare systems like the UK’s National Health Service. About 80% of conversations happen entirely with AI, though you can add human coaching if you want. Users report feeling significantly less anxious after regular use.

Replika started as a general AI companion but has become popular for combating loneliness, especially among older adults. With over 10 million downloads, it keeps people engaged 48% longer than typical social media apps.

Youper connects with your fitness tracker to understand how your physical state affects your mood. Users who stick with it see a 48% decrease in depressive symptoms and 43% reduction in anxiety.

These apps are now available in over 30 languages worldwide. In Australia, 28% of people have tried AI mental health support. Many mental health professionals (43%) use AI tools themselves for tasks like notetaking and research.

California tech companies have been early adopters. Several Silicon Valley firms report 28% fewer burnout-related absences and about $380 saved per employee yearly after adding AI mental health tools to wellness programs. Even traditional California industries—from entertainment to agriculture—are piloting these programs. The Department of Veterans Affairs is testing Woebot for PTSD treatment with promising results. Schools use chatbots to give students confidential support. Even the Red Cross deploys AI chatbots after disasters to help survivors.

The research is encouraging, with studies showing people using AI CBT programs experienced 64% better outcomes than control groups. AI can even analyze patterns in patient records to predict suicide risk with 80-90% accuracy, potentially saving lives through early intervention.

The catch? Only a few apps like Woebot and Wysa have been rigorously tested in peer-reviewed studies. Most haven’t been studied beyond eight weeks, so we don’t know much about long-term effectiveness.

Privacy concerns loom large. No algorithm can replicate human empathy or adaptive intuition. AI chatbots frequently misinterpret complex emotions and must direct users to human support during crises.

Algorithmic bias threatens inclusivity. AI models trained primarily on Western data may poorly serve diverse cultural or linguistic contexts, potentially reinforcing existing inequities rather than reducing them.

California is leading the national charge to regulate this emerging industry. In October 2025, Governor Newsom signed a bill establishing the nation’s most comprehensive AI chatbot safety law, effective January 1, 2026. The law requires AI companions to clearly disclose they’re not human, implement suicide prevention protocols, protect minors from sexually explicit content, and remind users every three hours that they’re interacting with AI—not a licensed therapist.

As of October 2025, three U.S. states—Illinois, Nevada, and Utah—have enacted laws banning or severely restricting AI therapy without human oversight. Illinois and Nevada comprehensively prohibit AI chatbots from providing or advertising therapy without licensed professional intervention. Utah imposes strict disclosure and privacy requirements.

Internationally, the EU, UK, Australia, and Japan are considering regulations focused on transparency, risk assessment, and mandatory oversight.

The field is evolving at breakneck speed. Apps that exist today may look completely different in six months, and regulators are struggling to keep pace. What’s considered safe and effective practice is still being defined in real-time. If you’re considering an AI mental health app, verify it’s still available in your state, check recent reviews, and confirm any clinical claims are current—yesterday’s research may not reflect today’s version of the app.

AI therapy won’t replace human therapists, but it’s becoming an integral part of mental health care. For millions without access to traditional therapists, these digital tools offer something previously unavailable: immediate, affordable support when one needs it most. The question isn’t whether AI belongs in mental health care, but how we ensure it serves everyone safely and effectively.

Beverly Hills Courier columnist Dr. Eva Ritvo is a psychiatrist with more than 30 years’ experience practicing in Miami Beach. She is the author of “Bekindr-The Transformative Power of Kindness” and the founder of the Bekindr Global Initiative, a movement to bring more kindness in the world. She is the co-author of “The Beauty Prescription” and “The Concise Guide to Marriage and Family Therapy.” She is also the co-founder of the Bold Beauty Project, a nonprofit that pairs women with disabilities with award-winning photographers creating art exhibitions to raise awareness. Dr. Ritvo received her undergraduate and medical degrees from UCLA, and psychiatry residency training at Weill Cornell Medicine.

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This holiday season, I hope you give yourself the gift of a pause, a time to reflect and make wise decisions about how to spend your energy, time, and resources in 2026. What are your overarching goals? Did you move forward in 2025? What are you most grateful for? What brought you happiness?

Then, be brave and flip the coin. What didn’t go as planned? What adversities did you face? When did you stumble? What lessons did you learn?

The answers to these questions help guide us so that next year can be better. Yes, each year can surpass the last! How can we create our best year yet? The answer shouldn’t be left to chance. While luck may play a role, sustained effort, education, and endurance are crucial for most of us.

I often reflect on my friend Kerry Gruson, whose life changed drastically when she was strangled and left for dead by a stranger. She now lives with Post-Traumatic Parkinson’s Disease and can hardly move, and her voice is a mere whisper. Yet, in the 52 years since her assault, she has led an extraordinary life, competing at the highest level of sports with her able-bodied partner. Kerry’s voice is quiet, but her message is loud and clear: “Together We Can.” Kerry and Caryn Lubetsky have earned three Guinness World Records and have been featured in multiple documentaries for their remarkable athletic achievements.

These women embody what psychologists call a growth mindset, the belief that our abilities and emotional resilience can expand with effort and intention. Developed by Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck through decades of rigorous research, the growth mindset is the understanding that our most fundamental abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work. Intelligence and talent are not fixed traits but capacities that can evolve throughout our lives. Those with growth mindsets embrace challenges, persist through setbacks, and view effort as essential to mastery. At 78, Kerry’s life keeps getting better and better.

The growth mindset contrasts with a fixed mindset, which assumes our character and intelligence are static. People with fixed mindsets often avoid challenges, give up easily, see effort as fruitless, ignore useful feedback, and feel threatened by the success of others. The practical truth is this: when we believe we can grow, we actually do, and the reverse is also true. As Henry Ford said 100 years ago, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, either way you are right.”

The transition into a new year creates a “fresh start effect,” allowing us to see ourselves differently. This psychological clean slate enhances our motivation and makes us more likely to pursue goals. The New Year acts like a reset button for our brains, giving us permission to begin again.

When we enter January with a growth mindset, we actively create conditions for our brains to rewire themselves. We’re opening new neural pathways, strengthening connections that support new behaviors, and becoming different individuals than we were the year before.

A growth mindset thrives not on perfection but on awareness. If 2025 brought challenges, whether personally, professionally, or emotionally, you are not alone. Viewed through a growth mindset lens, discomfort becomes useful. The questions shift from “Why is this happening to me?” to “What is this teaching me? What skills are required? What strengths am I discovering?” In short, how does this challenge help me grow?

Self-compassion is vital to a growth mindset. Harsh self-judgment for unmet goals or mistakes anchors us to a fixed mindset. Letting go of unfruitful projects, relationships, or habits is not about minimizing pain; it contextualizes it. A growth mindset is grounded in resilience, marking the difference between being a victim of circumstance and a student of life.

Letting go doesn’t mean giving up; it clears space for what better aligns with your goals. Neuroscience illustrates this through synaptic pruning, where unused connections are trimmed to make room for stronger ones. You’re allowed to prune as well.

Traditional resolutions focus on doing: exercising more, earning more, or dieting. While worthy, they often fail because they lack a foundation in identity and sustainability. A growth mindset asks, “Who do I want to become in 2026?” The variations of this identity are endless. Perhaps you want to become someone who values curiosity over certainty, who leads with kindness, who finds joy in the small moments, and who provides optimal conditions for their body and mind.

People often struggle to change because they aim for dramatic reinventions. A growth mindset works through ongoing micro-experiments aligned with personal goals. These are easy, low-pressure behaviors that are more sustainable. Small steps, like five-minute meditations or reading two pages of a book, allow for progress without the overwhelming pressure of trying to reimagine everything overnight. Micro-experiments reduce fear and increase confidence, creating opportunities for your brain to forge new pathways. Be creative in your approach.

Your psychological ecosystem matters as much as your habits. Emotions and mindsets are contagious. For 2026, consider spending more time with curious rather than critical individuals. Seek mentors who challenge you kindly. Join groups that inspire learning and reduce exposure to those who reinforce a fixed mindset through limiting beliefs. One positive change I made in 2025 was joining a local Rotary club. My inbox now fills with invitations to volunteer and uplifting photos from events even when I can’t attend. This community of do-gooders has brought me a warm and wonderful feeling of belonging.

Think of the new year as a blank page, not an exam. You don’t need to prove anything, just explore, learn, and continue evolving into a better version of yourself. Embracing a growth mindset for 2026 means prioritizing progress over perfection, compassion over criticism, and curiosity over fear. It embodies the knowledge that you are, at any age or stage, capable of learning, expanding, healing, and transforming. Your brain is designed to grow, and the new year presents a unique opportunity to harness that capacity.

This year, may you strive toward becoming the person capable of achieving your dreams, shaped not by pressure but by possibility. Here’s to a beautiful 2026, one where your brain’s remarkable capacity for growth harmonizes with your heart’s deepest intentions. Embrace the journey and allow yourself to transform and I hope you have your best year yet!

“Becoming is better than being.” — Carol Dweck 

Beverly Hills Courier columnist Dr. Eva Ritvo is a psychiatrist with more than 30 years’ experience practicing in Miami Beach. She is the author of “Bekindr-The Transformative Power of Kindness” and the founder of the Bekindr Global Initiative, a movement to bring more kindness in the world. She is the co-author of “The Beauty Prescription” and “The Concise Guide to Marriage and Family Therapy.” She is also the co-founder of the Bold Beauty Project, a nonprofit that pairs women with disabilities with award-winning photographers creating art exhibitions to raise awareness. Dr. Ritvo received her undergraduate and medical degrees from UCLA, and psychiatry residency training at Weill Cornell Medicine.

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Anthropologist and neuroscientist James Rilling and his colleagues at Emory University used functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to capture real-time brain activity by measuring blood flow changes. Thus, they were able to peer directly into the minds of grandmothers as they processed images of family members and strangers. 

Fifty grandmothers volunteered to be placed inside an fMRI scanner where they viewed a series of photographs in four categories: images of their grandchildren, unknown children of similar ages, their adult children (the same sex as the grandchild), and unfamiliar adults.

As grandmothers gazed at photos of their grandchildren, the scientists observed robust activation in areas associated with emotional empathy. These neural networks enable us to literally feel what another person is experiencing. 

When a grandchild experiences joy, the grandmother’s brain lights up in ways that mirror that happiness, and she feels the same delight. When a grandchild is in distress, the grandmother’s neural pathways fire with corresponding concern. This pattern of activation suggests that grandmothers are neurologically wired to experience their grandchildren’s emotions as if they were their own.

When grandmothers viewed images of their adult children, something different happened. Rather than activating those same emotional empathy regions, these encounters triggered neural networks associated with cognitive empathy. These are our brain regions involved in understanding others’ thoughts, intentions, and mental states rather than directly sharing their emotions. It’s the neural machinery we engage when we’re trying to figure out why someone feels a certain way or what they might be thinking, rather than automatically mirroring their emotional state. 

These findings suggest that while most grandmothers remain deeply attached to their adult children, their brains process these relationships through a more cognitive lens, understanding rather than directly experiencing their adult children’s emotional states. 

When grandmothers viewed images of unknown children of similar ages to their grandchildren, as well as unfamiliar adults, their brains showed relatively little activation in either emotional or cognitive empathy regions. While grandmothers often feel general warmth toward children in general, the intense empathetic responses appear to be more easily triggered by their own children and grandchildren. 

These findings suggest that grandmothers’ brains have been specifically designed to recognize and respond to their own family members with remarkable precision and intensity. Most likely, thousands of years of evolution have created this intimate neurobiological connection. 

Unlike most mammals, human females often live for decades beyond their childbearing years. “The grandmother hypothesis,” put forward by anthropologist Kristen Hawkes, offers an explanation for this evolutionary puzzle. According to this theory, grandmothers who invested in their grandchildren’s welfare provided significant survival advantages to their families, leading to the evolution of extended human lifespan and the unique role of grandmothers in human societies.

Studies spanning continents and cultures have validated this hypothesis showing that grandmothers’ involvement correlates with improved outcomes for their grandchildren: better nutritional status, more stable and nurturing household environments, enhanced educational opportunities, and ultimately, higher survival rates into adulthood.

Research has also demonstrated that active, engaged grandmothers enable their daughters to have children more frequently and at younger ages, while also increasing the likelihood that these grandchildren will themselves survive to reproductive age and continue the family legacy. These factors create a powerful evolutionary advantage that has shaped human family structures across thousands of millennia. 

In our contemporary world, where life expectancy continues to increase and medical advances enable people to remain healthy and active well into their later years, the potential impact of grandmothers is growing. Today’s grandmothers often enjoy decades of healthy, engaged involvement in their families’ lives, bringing wisdom, emotional stability, and financial support that can profoundly influence future generations.

Although many modern families are separated by geography, this research offers tremendous hope. The neural activation patterns observed in the study occurred in response to mere photographs of grandchildren, suggesting that visual connection alone can trigger these powerful connections. 

Photo sharing through social media and messaging apps enables grandparents to witness and emotionally participate in their grandchildren’s daily lives and milestones despite the distance. Video calls through platforms like Zoom and FaceTime allow for face-to-face conversations that can also activate those crucial neural pathways and foster and nourish this special connection.

This important and heartwarming study reminds us that the special role of grandmothers appears hardwired in our brains to optimize human potential. Rather than viewing grandparents as peripheral figures whose primary value lies in occasional babysitting, hosting holiday gatherings, or funding education, we might better understand them as essential, unique components of healthy family systems occupying a very special evolutionary role. We are wise as individuals and a society to respect, nurture and support the vital role of grandmothers. 

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President Trump’s declaration of peace between Israel and Hamas, formalized at a signing ceremony in Egypt with dozens of world leaders, has sparked an unusual wave of bipartisan celebration. Even longtime rivals like Hillary Clinton have praised the process, calling for global commitment to peace, security, and stability. Whether this fragile peace endures remains to be seen. Nonetheless, the moment itself provides a rare opportunity for us individually and collectively to shift our thoughts from fear to hope.

Deep within your brainstem lies a network of neurons called the Reticular Activating System (RAS). Think of it as your brain’s executive assistant, filtering the millions of sensory inputs flooding your consciousness each second and deciding which deserve attention. Your RAS prioritizes what you’ve trained it to value most. This process begins in early childhood and continues throughout life, largely out of our awareness. 

Our brains are wired with a negativity bias, a tendency to notice bad news before good. One critical comment can outweigh 10 compliments; a distressing headline keeps our focus longer than an uplifting one. Since Oct. 7, 2023, news from the Middle East has reinforced this bias, heightening expectations of conflict and despair and causing ripple effects of unrest around the globe, tearing apart friends, families, co-workers and classmates. 

If we are to thrive in our fast-paced, interconnected world with so much suffering, we must train our RAS to look for examples of kindness, compassion, caring and connection. This week finally brought that sort of news front and center. So, let’s seize the moment.  

We can attempt to do this by retraining our RAS. Whatever you repeatedly think about, discuss, or visualize gets tagged as “important.” Once tagged, your brain filters the world to confirm it. Believe humanity is dangerous, and you’ll find endless proof. Believe positive transformation is possible, and your brain will begin to notice evidence everywhere.

Brain imaging shows that witnessing or hearing about acts of kindness, such as peace agreements, triggers activity in the reward system, releasing dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin. These feel-good chemicals enhance trust, motivation, and social connection. Psychologists call this experience “moral elevation.” It is that subtle warmth in your chest when you witness goodness. It’s your mirror neurons lighting up, inspiring you to want to help others. 

So how do we use this moment to reshape our thinking?

• Start your mornings with positive intentions. Ask yourself, “What kind act can I notice or create today?” This primes your RAS to filter for goodness throughout the day.

• Keep a kindness journal. Each evening, record three kind acts you witnessed or performed. Studies show that this simple practice rewires the brain toward optimism and gratitude.

• Practice mindful listening. Paying full attention to someone quiets your RAS and strengthens empathy. Presence itself becomes a form of kindness.

• Curate your media diet. The attention economy thrives on outrage because fear activates our ancient survival circuits. By seeking positive new stories, such as “Modern Love” weekly column in the NYTimes, you reinforce neural pathways of hope.

• Use visual cues. Post reminders of peace and positivity where you’ll see them often, such as T-shirts, coffee mugs, Post-it Notes. Such cues keep your focus and your RAS anchored in what truly matters to you.

In an era when countless forces compete for your attention, remember that you retain agency over one of the most powerful tools you possess: your focus. The RAS follows the training it has received through our genes, our childhood and our adult experiences. Feed it fear, and it will find danger. Feed it hope, and it will highlight opportunity. 

This week, world leaders were able to come together and sign an agreement ending suffering in the Middle East and quelling anxiety around the globe. Whatever the future holds, that moment happened. That experience now lives in our shared consciousness. The shift from “impossible” to “possible” is no longer merely a theory. We have evidence that positive change can occur and is worth working towards.

The question is: For how long will your RAS allow you to focus on it? Will you let this breakthrough recalibrate your expectations for what humans can achieve when they choose dialogue over division? Or will the next round of negative news pull you back in and decrease your hope for the future?

By choosing where we direct our attention, we can participate in the world’s healing: one thought, one conversation, one act of compassion at a time.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

– Gandhi

Beverly Hills Courier columnist Dr. Eva Ritvo is a psychiatrist with more than 30 years’ experience practicing in Miami Beach. She is the author of “Bekindr-The Transformative Power of Kindness” and the founder of the Bekindr Global Initiative, a movement to bring more kindness in the world. She is the co-author of “The Beauty Prescription” and “The Concise Guide to Marriage and Family Therapy.” She is also the co-founder of the Bold Beauty Project, a nonprofit that pairs women with disabilities with award-winning photographers creating art exhibitions to raise awareness. Dr. Ritvo received her undergraduate and medical degrees from UCLA, and psychiatry residency training at Weill Cornell Medicine.

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Our culture, obsessed with youth, often discounts the value and vibrancy of aging and this is a mistake. Science and technology continue to enhance not only our lifespan but also our “healthspan,” defined as the years of our lives free from chronic illness or disability that affect the quality of our lives. Now our “golden years” can extend beyond rest and relaxation and become some of our most treasured. 

In the 1950s, the average lifespan was approximately 65 years. Today, with an average life expectancy of around 80, we are gifted with the possibility of many additional “golden years.” With the average age of retirement at 66, many of us will have decades to explore other interests. This elongation invites us to view aging as an opportunity and a chance to reinvent ourselves and embrace the possibilities that come with more time, more freedom and often more money. David Bowie optimistically proclaimed, “Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you should have been.” 

Examples abound of people thriving in what I call “the last third,” ages 60 to 90. My Aunt Mikki loved to say, “My highest-earning years were my 80s.” Speed walker Stephanie Singer, at 78, just finished the women’s Nike half-marathon, and has completed 17 marathons since turning 60. Ira Glick, at 88, plays full-court basketball four times a week. When Eli Levy’s son asked him if he was going to slow down his full-time psychology practice now that he turned 80, Eli shot back, “No, the opposite, I need to speed up. I have so much to do.” And, just this week, actress Kathy Bates, 77, made Emmy history by becoming the oldest nominee in the category of actress in a lead drama. 

Advances in medicine, nutrition, and lifestyle choices can play a crucial role in how our later years are experienced. Recent research published in Nature (2024) reveals that those who engage in regular aerobic exercise and maintain a Mediterranean diet can extend the length of their cellular telomeres. These telomeres are the protective caps on chromosomes and are linked to aging. The length of our telomeres may actually be a better predictor of health and longevity than our birth date. 

The landscape of aging is being revolutionized by technological innovations. AI-enabled health monitoring devices now track vital signs, detect early risks, and help manage chronic conditions, predicting potential issues with remarkable accuracy. Digital tools like brain-training apps and virtual reality programs help maintain cognitive function, delaying decline and keeping our brains sharp. Social robots, such as ElliQ and PARO, provide companionship, reducing loneliness and enhancing emotional well-being. Meanwhile, breakthroughs in genomics enable personalized prevention plans based on individual genetic risks, opening new horizons for tailored healthcare.

With more time for self-care, studies show around 40% to 50% of those over 60 engage in regular physical activity. Roughly 20% to 25% do muscle-strengthening activities that have shown to be crucial to combat age-related decline. Rates of smoking, drinking and drug use all decrease as we get older, reducing health risks. 

Psychological and emotional growth often flourishes with age. According to a 2023 Pew Research Center study, 80% of Americans aged 65 and older report feeling more emotionally calm and confident than in their earlier years. Hormonal highs and fluctuations diminish in later years, often leading to more peace and tranquility. 

Many older adults report a renewed sense of purpose. A 2022 AARP survey noted that 75% of retirees felt more engaged and fulfilled as they embraced activities that had previously been sidelined. With years of experience, accepting change becomes easier. Letting go of control, forgiving others, and trusting in one’s judgment nurture a peaceful outlook. Greater mental flexibility lets us see solutions from multiple perspectives, and independent thinking empowers us to follow our passions without undue influence.

Older adults often report that people are kinder and more willing to help, a reflection of societal respect and the richness of matured relationships. This support system, combined with an improved ability to assess risks and prioritize self-care, creates a foundation for living joyfully and intentionally.

Lastly, spirituality increases and often becomes a vital coping mechanism as we grow older. We may move from the more materialistic phase of life when we are acquiring and building, to a more reflective time where we seek a deeper understanding of our lives and the role we play in the universe.  

Certainly challenges abound as we grow older and you may recall, Mae West famously quipped, “Aging isn’t for sissies.” Yet, as our wisdom and resources have multiplied, we can demonstrate equanimity and resilience that might have eluded us during our younger years in the face of increasing challenges. Having encountered loss and illness as we age can also deepen our appreciation for life.  

As we look forward to a future where longevity is paired with increased vitality, let us remember that every day is a gift offering us a chance to grow and live our fullest lives. If we strive to maintain our optimal health over the years, we can continue to enjoy our best years yet.  

“Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.” 

—Eleanor Roosevelt  

Beverly Hills Courier columnist Dr. Eva Ritvo is a psychiatrist with more than 30 years’ experience practicing in Miami Beach. She is the author of “Bekindr-The Transformative Power of Kindness” and the founder of the Bekindr Global Initiative, a movement to bring more kindness in the world. She is the co-author of “The Beauty Prescription” and “The Concise Guide to Marriage and Family Therapy.” She is also the co-founder of the Bold Beauty Project, a nonprofit that pairs women with disabilities with award-winning photographers creating art exhibitions to raise awareness. Dr. Ritvo received her undergraduate and medical degrees from UCLA, and psychiatry residency training at Weill Cornell Medicine.

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Let’s take a look at this age-old problem that is on the rise. 

The term “narcissism” comes from Greek mythology, where a young, handsome man named Narcissus gazed into a pool of water and fell in love with his reflection. Unable to look away, he ultimately died staring at himself. Flash-forward to this social-media filled world we are in, and it’s no wonder so many people are struggling.  Gazing out has never been so easy. 

Since 1980, psychiatrists have used the term “Narcissistic Personality Disorder” (NPD) to describe a condition in which individuals experience a deep sense of emptiness inside, hoping to find fulfillment but never quite reaching it, much like Narcissus gazing at his reflection. While the cause remains unknown, a combination of factors including genetics and environment seems to be at play. 

NPD is estimated to affect between 1% to 6% of the population and is slightly more common in men. Research suggests narcissistic traits and possibly NPD may be more prevalent among those in positions of power, so encountering it more often in places like Beverly Hills isn’t surprising.

Social media has contributed to the rise of narcissistic tendencies. By constantly looking at curated images of seemingly perfect lives, many feel less than or inadequate. When such feelings occur frequently during important developmental phases like adolescence, they can hinder growth, leading to excessive anxiety, depression, and personality disorders. The constant social comparison can also lead to emotional numbing and an inability to develop empathy for others. 

As we discussed previously, seeking external validation is a normal part of development, but as you mature, the goal is to learn to rely more on internal validation as you build your values and moral compass.  Self-love and self-direction free us from excessive reliance on others’ opinions. Failure to do so can leave you trapped in the cycle of seeking excessive validation then feeling deflated when you don’t receive it.  

Identifying a narcissist can be challenging at first because they can be very seductive.  They are used to drawing people in. External validation is like oxygen to them. It is best to learn the telltale signs and protect yourself, as engaging with narcissists can be painful. If you are fueling their self-esteem, they may be reluctant to let you go. As you read these traits, don’t worry if you recognize a bit of yourself in some of them. NPD only occurs when there is a maladaptive and pervasive pattern of these behaviors, and they interfere with your ability to function in a healthy manner.     

Here are some red flags: 

1. A Charming Start 

Narcissists often have a magnetic charm. They know how to flatter, compliment, and make you feel special. They may be the “life of the party,” but behind closed doors another version emerges. We have heard of “love bombing,” when a date showers you with compliments or gifts early on. Remember the adage, “When something feels too good to be true, it probably is.”  

2. Excessive Self-Promotion

Narcissists tend to focus heavily on themselves, constantly seeking to prove their worth, share their achievements, or display their knowledge. While sharing successes is natural, narcissists often go overboard, making everything about themselves. For example, they might interrupt a conversation about your promotion to highlight their career accomplishments. Name-dropping is another way narcissists may try to show off their importance.  

3. Self-Referential Thinking

Those with NPD lack empathy for others, as they are wrapped up in their own feelings.  They struggle to listen or care about your experiences, often redirecting conversations back to themselves. You might notice them changing the subject when you discuss personal problems or showing little interest in your achievements. For example, you might enjoy sharing your joy from a trip, only to have them talk about their own travels.

4. Entitlement

Narcissists display an overinflated sense of entitlement. They expect special treatment, whether it’s prioritizing their needs, getting the best seat, or expecting others to handle their tasks. When they don’t receive it, their self-esteem may suffer, and they often lash out. 

5. Reacting Explosively 

Narcissists may react disproportionately to feedback, criticism or challenges. Their fragile sense of themselves can easily get deflated. This leads them to defensiveness, anger, or dismissiveness, usually directed toward the person who triggered their uncomfortable feelings. This might manifest as an outburst or the silent treatment. 

Protecting Your Emotional Well-Being

If you find yourself dealing with someone exhibiting narcissistic traits, consider these steps:

1. Don’t Take It Personally

Remember that a narcissist’s behavior stems from their deep-seated insecurities. Their reactions are more about their internal struggles than about you.

2. Communicate Calmly and Clearly

When engaging, use calm, assertive “I” statements. Avoid blame or criticism, which can trigger defensiveness. Instead, express your feelings honestly and respectfully. For example, “I am sorry you are disappointed in the hotel room. Let me see if I can do anything to improve the situation.”

3. Set Firm Boundaries

Clearly define your limits and enforce them calmly but assertively. If they try to overstep, politely but firmly state your boundaries, like, “I’m not comfortable doing that, but I can help with this instead.” Consistency is key here.

4. Evaluate the Relationship

Maintaining a relationship with a narcissist in personal or professional contexts can be exhausting. It’s vital to assess whether the dynamic is healthy by checking in with your own feelings. If a relationship is depleting you or makes you feel uncomfortable, consider ways you can improve it or step back. You are responsible for your emotional health and are entitled to make adjustments to protect your well-being and happiness.  

5. Seek Support

Many books and podcasts deal with these issues as narcissism is on the rise.  Don’t hesitate to talk to a mentor or therapist. Professional guidance can help you develop strategies to cope with or leave a challenging situation.  

Recognizing narcissistic tendencies early allows you to take proactive steps to protect your well-being. Understanding the difference between occasional narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder empowers you to navigate interactions more effectively. Remember, your emotional health and self-respect are worth safeguarding, and you deserve relationships grounded in respect, understanding, and balance.

“The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others. Protect your boundaries and remember, you deserve relationships that respect and uplift you.” 

—Dr. Brené Brown  

Beverly Hills Courier columnist Dr. Eva Ritvo is a psychiatrist with more than 30 years’  experience practicing in Miami Beach. She is the author of “Bekindr-The Transformative Power of Kindness” and the founder of the Bekindr Global Initiative, a movement to bring more kindness in the world. She is the co-author of “The Beauty Prescription” and “The Concise Guide to Marriage and Family Therapy.” She is also the co-founder of the Bold Beauty Project, a nonprofit that pairs women with disabilities with award-winning photographers creating art exhibitions to raise awareness. Dr. Ritvo received her undergraduate and medical degrees from UCLA, and psychiatry residency training at Weill Cornell Medicine.

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Our sympathetic nervous system—often called our “fight or flight” response—is deeply ingrained in our brains. It’s fast, automatic, and vital for survival. Our prehistoric ancestors, who were best at spotting danger, passed these traits to us through evolution. Today, we can’t help but scan our environment for threats, even when they are distant or unlikely. 

The media recognizes this innate human tendency. In the 1950s, outlets like the National Enquirer began exploiting it by showing graphic images that grabbed our attention. This strategy has since become standard across the industry. As the saying goes, “If it bleeds, it leads.”

When we watch horrifying acts or disasters, our bodies secrete cortisol, the stress hormone. Cortisol heightens focus, making it difficult to look away.  In moments of real danger, hyperfocus is essential, motivating us to take action. The mind and body prepare for battle, a way of life for our ancestors. The primitive part of our brain kicks in and we have an overwhelming urge to “fight, flight or freeze.” But when there’s no immediate threat, this urge is counterproductive, and the release of cortisol serves us poorly.  

Our ancestors didn’t need to worry about distant threats. Instead, they stayed alert to immediate dangers and recovered during quiet moments in nature. Today, with our interconnected world and 24-hour news cycle, bad news is constantly at our fingertips. 

This creates a vicious cycle: the more negativity we consume, the more our stress levels rise, leading us to seek out even more alarming stories. It’s a self-perpetuating pattern that fuels both the news industry and our mental health crises.

Understanding why we are attracted to negative news is the first step toward regaining balance. We must recognize our natural negativity bias—our tendency to focus more on threats. Once an adaptive trait to keep us safe, it is now often maladaptive, overestimating dangers and preventing us from feeling safe, enjoying the present and engaging our frontal lobe to truly solve the complex problems we are facing. The constant flood of distressing news and subsequent cortisol release keeps us in a state of hypervigilance, impairing our ability to relax, think clearly and work toward solutions.

Our personal habits and social environment worsen the problem. Smartphones, social media, and never-ending news feeds make it nearly impossible to escape negativity. We often scroll through snippets of alarming stories during moments meant for rest or connection—commutes, before bed, or mealtimes. Without realizing it, we condition ourselves to seek out negativity, perhaps even craving that adrenaline rush or distraction from our own struggles.

To protect ourselves, we must cultivate conscious media habits:

Limit exposure: Set specific times for checking news rather than scrolling mindlessly.

Choose sources wisely: Focus on outlets that report with integrity and provide context, not just sensationalism. Reading news is less jarring to the nervous system than watching it.  

Redefine what it means to stay informed: You don’t need to consume every detail of distressing events. Instead, focus on topics that matter most to you. Learn about issues, and then take proactive steps such as volunteering, donating, or advocating for solutions. Our nervous system is designed for action; engaging in meaningful efforts can foster a sense of empowerment rather than helplessness and despair.

Focus on the present moment: Ask yourself, “Am I safe right now?” In Beverly Hills, the answer will most likely be yes.  If you are safe, then you must bring your nervous system into proper alignment by shifting out of the state of hyperarousal.  Turn off the news.  Enjoy your life. Rather than making you callous, this strategy helps you to think clearly so you can solve problems and give to others who are more in need. 

Be aware of your emotional responses: Notice how certain stories make you feel—anxious, angry, overwhelmed—and acknowledge these feelings without judgment and limit exposure accordingly.  It is your job to protect yourself. 

Activate your parasympathetic nervous system—nicknamed the “rest and digest,” or “tend and befriend.” Our nervous systems are designed to be in balance.  This side counteracts the stress response by stimulating positive chemicals. Practice techniques like deep breathing, meditation, connecting with loved ones and mindful eating to foster this relaxation response.

Consume positive media: Stories of kindness, progress, and resilience happen every day. It just won’t save your life to read about, so you may find you aren’t as compelled to read them.  Yet viewing, liking and sharing these stories can help restore your faith in humanity and remind you of all the positivity in the world. 

Seek professional help: If you feel overwhelmed by media coverage and its effects, reach out. Mental health professionals can help develop tailored strategies for managing anxiety, building resilience, and establishing healthy boundaries around news consumption.

By actively choosing how we engage with the world’s news, we will be better equipped to solve the complex problems we are facing. “Fight, flight or freeze” won’t fix them except in the rare moments of extreme danger. I urge all of us to move away from our innate, simplistic, primitive responses.  When we activate the opposite side of our nervous system, we can engage our modern, sophisticated brainpower located in our frontal lobe.  The world is incredibly complex, and we need to come together thoughtfully to solve the problems we are facing.  

Case in point, I planned to address the issue of loving ourselves discussed last week, but felt it best to address the stress caused by the overwhelming amount of bad news. We must detoxify ourselves this week from the pernicious effects of too much cortisol. When we can reclaim our sense of safety and security, we can continue to explore more complex psychological themes.  

“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” 

-William James

Psychologist, Philosopher, Educator  

The post Why We Can’t Look Away: Understanding Our Attraction to Negative News and How to Regain Control appeared first on Beverly Hills Courier.

“External validation” in psychology refers to the process of seeking approval, affirmation or recognition from others—to confirm one’s self-worth, feelings or beliefs. These external affirmations can boost our self-esteem and make us feel connected and accepted. Have you noticed that even ChatGPT has been trained to externally validate us? 

“Internal validation” is the flip side of the coin. It’s the ability to see our own worth without needing others to tell us. It’s the feeling you get when you finish an article and say inside. “I like it. This is the one.” Developing internal validation is a lifelong process. It is like cultivating a deep, unwavering love for ourselves—rooted in self-awareness, self-compassion and self-trust. 

Throughout life and on most days, we toggle between our innate need and desire for external validation and our developing ability to internally validate. 

Children learn by seeking approval which works well when life is simple. As babies and young children, caregivers are your whole world. Your feeling of hunger is remedied when you are fed. You feel cranky, and someone puts you to bed. As you grow, their approval, smiles, and their hugs help you learn how to navigate your feelings and the world around you. When a parent says, “I’m proud of you,” it’s more than just praise—it’s a building block for your sense of identity. A child who hears “Good job!” after drawing a picture or tying their shoes experiences a burst of pride which motivates them to keep going. Children who receive consistent external validation learn to feel safe and confident and their development soars.

School-age children learn thorough external validation from a widening group of parental figures who serve as teachers, coaches and tutors. They will receive feedback in comments such as: “Yes, 2+2=4. Great job on the spelling test. Thank you for taking turns in class. Boy, you ran fast on the soccer field today.” These forms of external validation guide and motivate them.  Kids given positive feedback will develop a healthy sense of themselves. 

As we grow into teenagers, the landscape shifts. Rather than seeking the validation of parents and parental figures, teens may “rebel” against these values as a way to separate and create their own identity.  My father, a wise child psychiatrist, said, “parents are like the dock, and teens shove against them to gain momentum to move into their own lives.”  

Adolescents start experimenting with different identities, trying on different “selves” to see what fits. They seek the opinions of friends and peers as the main source of external validation. Their sense of worth often depends on whether they’re part of the group, get enough likes or feel accepted by their peers. Think about how much time teenagers spend checking their social media accounts—seeking likes, comments and validation from followers. It can feel crushing to a teenager to be disliked by someone or have a friendship or dating relationship end.   

Teenagers are also developing their ability to internally validate and soothe themselves rather than coming to parents/adults for comfort. They are gaining an internal awareness of who they are and what matters to them.   

This time of life can be confusing, balancing the desire for external recognition from peers with the need to develop inner confidence. The key is that adolescence is a transitional period, a time when both types of validation are influential.  

As we move into adulthood, life becomes more about finding your own values and working to create a life that is right for you. Issues become complex and often there is no “right or wrong” answer. Where to live, what career path to pursue, to have children or not? These are questions that only you can answer and your internal feeling must become your guide.

Gradually, we learn to acknowledge and accept our own feelings. “That feels right to me and that doesn’t feel right to me” can become your guiding light. You develop your own internal compass. Learning to love your choices, celebrating your strengths, valuing mistakes as opportunities for growth and trusting your own judgment are signs of maturity. By consciously affirming your value, recognizing your achievements, and practicing self-compassion, you gradually shift from seeking approval outwardly to embracing yourself. Some call this “self -confidence or self-esteem.” Or, for music lovers, think of Frank Sinatra’s classic hit “I did it my way.”

Internal validation isn’t about ignoring others or denying the importance of social connections. Instead, it’s about fostering a healthy sense of yourself: appreciating recognition when it comes, but not relying on it to know who we are or to feel good about ourselves. If we fail to develop a healthy sense of ourselves, we end up with excessive narcissism, continually seeking external validation and in extreme cases, with narcissistic personality disorder.  More on that next week.  

Here are some practical ways to nurture internal validation:

– Practice mindfulness and self-awareness: Take time to notice your thoughts and feelings without self-judgment. When you catch yourself seeking approval excessively, gently remind yourself that your worth isn’t dictated by others. You already matter!

– Celebrate your strengths: Cultivate an internal sense of pride when things go well. Enjoy small victories and don’t postpone joy waiting for the big win. Recognize yourself in a meaningful way and don’t rely on others to acknowledge your success. 

– Engage in self-compassion when “mistakes” or less than optimal outcomes occur: They are a valuable part of life and are inevitable. Speak to yourself as you would to a good friend. Forgive yourself. With time these incidents can become gifts and teach us valuable lessons.  

– Keep a gratitude or affirmation journal: Write down things you love about yourself or moments when you felt proud of your actions.

– Set personal goals: Focus on what matters to you, not what others expect or value. Make them attainable. Review and update monthly. 

-Be realistic: If you constantly find yourself falling short, reassess the bar you have set for yourself.  We live in a hyper-driven society. Forget “keeping up with the Joneses.” Chart your own course. 

-Be patient: Developing self-confidence is a lifelong journey with bumps along the way. “Progress, not perfection “is an empowering mantra. 

– Limit social media use: Take breaks or set boundaries to prevent comparing yourself to the carefully curated and oftentimes unrealistic images. 

– Seek real connections: Focus on authentic relationships based on mutual understanding and support, rather than superficial approval.

Over time and with practice, we can move away from our younger tendency to seek external validation and nurture our growing internal wisdom. While external validation will always play a role and give us brief moments of happiness, lasting fulfillment comes from loving yourself within. 

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” 

– Ralph Waldo Emerson 

The post From Looking Outside to Loving Within: How Our Need for Validation Evolves Through Life appeared first on Beverly Hills Courier.

What we can be certain of is that AI is offering us incredible tools to improve the quality of our lives right now. It is exciting to almost instantaneously summarize a book I am interested in, plan a vacation down to nuanced details, or create a meal plan and shopping list for the whole week. I have stopped saying “I don’t know” and now say, “Great question, let me look it up.” I realize this is just the tip of the iceberg, and I hope to find time this summer to take a deeper dive.  

If you are new to AI, begin by addressing your privacy concerns. Take precautions: check data usage policies, limit private data, use pseudonyms or generalities, disable chat history, delete conversations, create a separate email address for AI, or run offline AI models. When you are ready, use your browser to access ChatGPT, Anthropic (Claude.ai), Grok, Google Gemini or Perplexity AI. All have a free version. The AI landscape is changing quickly; today’s worst AI platform/app may be tomorrow’s best. In general, you can visit just about any major AI platform, ask almost anything you can think of, and prepare to be amazed.

Here’s a list of ideas to get you started or on the next step of your personal AI journey to make the most of your summer.  

1. AI for Outings 

ChatGPT can create a personalized itinerary, recommend activities, suggest restaurants and even help with day-to-day plans. Microsoft 365 Copilot integrates with your email and calendar to help plan social events, meetings and travel, organizing everything from the smallest detail to larger projects. AI-enhanced platforms like Wander let you preview museums, spas and even hiking trails in Virtual Reality before visiting. AI-powered apps like Eventbrite, Fever and TimeOut suggest concerts, rooftop events, gallery openings and pop-ups happening in real time. Apps like Yelp, ReciMe or TheFork use AI to learn your tastes and suggest new, trending restaurants or exclusive chef’s tastings.

2. AI for Meal Prep 

Yummly offers personalized recipe recommendations based on your dietary preferences, allergies and available ingredients. Mealtime provides easy meal plans with grocery lists, so you can cook with ease and efficiency.

3. AI and Gardening 

PictureThis or PlantSnap uses AI to instantly identify plants, weeds and pests via photo. Smart gardening assistants like Gardenia and Planta use AI to create personalized watering, fertilizing and light schedules based on your garden setup and local weather. iScape helps you visualize landscaping ideas, suggesting plant combinations and layouts based on sun exposure and soil conditions. And particularly useful in our dry climate are irrigation systems like Rachio that use AI to optimize water usage depending on plant needs and forecasted rainfall.

4. AI and Hiking 

AllTrails and Komoot use AI to suggest routes based on difficulty, scenery, user reviews and your fitness level. Maps AI-enhanced provides optimized paths, elevation changes. Smartwatches with AI (like Apple Watch or Garmin) track your heart rate, oxygen levels and pace while learning your habits to suggest ideal hiking times or rest intervals.

5. AI-Based Fitness Coaches  

Fitness apps like Freeletics use AI to personalize workout plans based on your fitness level, preferences and goals. It adapts your training as you progress, ensuring you’re always challenged without being overwhelmed. Aaptiv offers audio-based workouts guided by certified trainers, covering a variety of fitness styles from yoga to HIIT.

6. AI-Assisted Learning 

Duolingo adapts language lessons to your learning pace, making language acquisition fun and interactive. Khan Academy uses AI to recommend personalized lessons in a variety of subjects from mathematics to history.

7. AI for Art 

DALL·E generates images from text prompts, turning your ideas into unique visual creations. Midjourney is popular for stylized, artistic and imaginative images and is great for fantasy, fashion and moody aesthetics. Adobe Firefly—integrated into Adobe tools—generates images, styles and templates from prompts with a user-friendly interface. AutoDraw helps convert rough sketches into clean icons or shapes. Krea.ai turns sketches into full artworks using prompts and is popular with concept designers.

8. Photo Editing and Style Transfer 

Runway ML is an AI-powered video and image editing model, including background removal and style transfer. Prisma turns photos into paintings using famous art styles (like Van Gogh or Picasso). DeepArt also uses style transfer to apply well-known art styles to your photos.

9. AI Animation and Video 

Kaiber generates music videos or visual storytelling animations from static images or text. Pika Labs AI video generator is known for surreal, creative short clips.

10. AI for Generative Design and Fashion 

Artbreeder lets you blend and evolve images, faces, landscapes or anime-style art. Designify is an image editing tool that transforms ordinary photos into professional-quality visuals. 

11. AI Stylist 

ShopLook or Smart Closet helps you plan outfits for events and find similar designer items in local boutiques. Stylebook helps you organize your wardrobe, plan outfits and track what you wear. Smart Closet uses AI to auto-categorize clothing, suggest outfits and help you pack for trips. ACloset is a free app with AI-powered outfit suggestions based on weather, occasion and personal style. Zyler enables you to try on clothes virtually using a photo and get personalized fashion suggestions. AI Stylist by Fashable offers AI-driven outfit generation based on user-uploaded items and style preferences. Amazon StyleSnap lets you upload a photo, and AI will find similar products across Amazon Fashion. With Google Lens Fashion Search, you can take a picture of an outfit and AI will find similar items online. The Yes (by Pinterest) uses AI to learn your preferences and curate daily style recommendations. Lyst uses AI to track fashion trends and suggest deals across thousands of brands. 

12. Personalized Music Playlists 

Music has long been recognized as a powerful tool for improving mood and reducing stress. Imagine having a personal DJ who knows exactly what tunes will help you relax, energize or elevate your mood based on your current emotional state. Endel uses real-time data (such as heart rate, weather and location) to create personalized soundscapes designed to boost focus, relaxation or energy. AiMi dynamically adjusts its playlist based on your listening history, providing a seamless and evolving soundtrack tailored just for you.

13. AI-Powered Journaling 

Journaling helps us process emotions and make sense of our thoughts. AI-driven apps like Replika offer an AI companion that engages in conversations and helps you reflect on your emotions. It adapts to your needs and can help with everything from stress management to personal growth. Daylio is a micro-journal that allows you to track your mood and activities. Over time, the app identifies patterns, helping you recognize emotional triggers.

14. AI-Enhanced Meditation and Mindfulness 

Calm uses AI to recommend tailored breathing exercises, sleep stories and meditations based on your emotional state, helping you relax and unwind. Headspace provides customized meditation techniques to improve focus, reduce stress and manage anxiety. Ebb, its AI companion, offers emotional support by guiding you through mindfulness practices.

15. AI-Powered Sleep Assistants 

Sleep Cycle tracks your sleep patterns and wakes you during your lightest sleep phase, leaving you feeling refreshed. Pillow provides detailed insights into your sleep quality and even helps you create a better sleep environment by offering suggestions for temperature adjustments and soundscapes.

16. Virtual Reality Therapy 

Virtual Reality (VR) has evolved beyond gaming into a powerful therapeutic tool. Apps like Realize Music: Sing offer users a fully immersive VR experience for stress relief and emotional wellness. DIY music therapy through VR reduces stress hormones and stimulates your brain’s reward systems.

17. AI for Psychotherapy 

Woebot uses AI to offer cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques, guiding users through mood tracking and offering coping mechanisms for anxiety, depression and stress. Wysa provides mental health support through chat-based therapy, offering strategies based on evidence-based techniques such as CBT and dialectical behavior therapy. Please note that these apps should serve as an augmentation for your psychotherapy and not as a replacement for evaluation and treatment with a trained professional.

I hope something on this laundry list caught your attention and that you feel inspired to lean into the positive aspects of AI. I have no doubt that our lives will look quite different in the upcoming years due to this powerful technology.  We can’t lose sight of the negative potential, and you can even ask AI how you can prepare for what lies ahead.  Their prediction is likely to be as good as ours, as we are entering uncharted territory! So, as the great minds around the globe ponder how to harness the unprecedented power of AI, I hope we can all benefit from its myriad of potential applications to live our best lives now.
 

The post Embrace AI This Summer: New Tools to Enhance Your Life and Well-Being appeared first on Beverly Hills Courier.

When global disasters strike close to home, it’s even more challenging. We want to be thoughtful when so many of our neighbors are without homes, neighborhoods or loved ones. At the same time, it’s important to allow ourselves to experience positive emotions when our own lives are going well. Understanding the difference between sympathy and empathy—and practicing each appropriately—can help us maintain joy while helping those in need.

Sympathy is, according to Merriam-Webster, “the feeling that you care about and are sorry about someone else’s trouble, grief or misfortune.” It’s a recognition of another’s pain but doesn’t necessarily invite deeper emotional involvement. For example, sending a sympathy card or making a financial donation is a kind act while maintaining emotional distance. Your investment may be minimal, yet the recipient will likely feel supported.

Empathy, however, goes further. It’s “the ability to understand and share another person’s experience and emotions.” Empathy involves stepping into someone else’s shoes and feeling their pain, which creates a deeper connection. It allows the receiver to share their feelings in a safe space, promoting healing. Dr. Gabor Maté says, “Trauma is what happens inside a person in the absence of an empathic witness.”

Mirror neurons play a vital role in how we connect emotionally. These neurons allow us to understand and feel the emotions of others by mirroring their experiences in our own brains. Essentially, when someone experiences joy, sorrow or pain, our mirror neurons help us feel those same emotions, fostering empathy and connection. This biological mechanism explains why we feel a sense of shared joy or sorrow when witnessing others’ experiences. Experience and intention shape the number of mirror neurons in our brains, affecting how in tune we are with others.

When we express sympathy, our mirror neurons may remain dormant. While sympathy can suffice in more casual relationships or in response to distant tragedies, empathy is essential for deeper human connections. But practicing empathy requires emotional resilience and healthy boundaries—without which we risk burnout. Offering empathy can feel draining, and it’s important to maintain boundaries. When many people are suffering simultaneously, as with wildfires, empathy can quickly become overwhelming, leading to counterproductive responses like survivor’s guilt.

For those whose lives were close to crisis but spared, survivor’s guilt can creep in. “Why wasn’t I stricken? Why were they?” These questions reflect a natural desire to find meaning and order in times of chaos. Survivor’s guilt is often experienced in the first month or two after a tragedy and typically resolves on its own. If it lingers or disrupts functioning, professional help may be needed. Survivor’s guilt can be reframed as an opportunity for gratitude and giving back. Instead of being paralyzed by guilt, we can channel that energy into meaningful action—volunteering, donating or offering a listening ear. When we actively give, we feel good, creating a “helper’s high” or a “giver’s gain.”

It’s not just OK to feel joy during difficult times—it’s essential. Joy doesn’t diminish the significance of the world’s pain; it offers balance, resilience and the emotional resources necessary to help others. Experiencing joy isn’t about ignoring suffering; it’s about finding moments of light amidst the darkness, helping us be better equipped to support others in need.

When we allow ourselves moments of happiness—whether through a heartfelt conversation, an inspiring show, or a joyful dinner with friends—we replenish our emotional reserves. This renewal strengthens us, allowing us to face adversity with greater clarity and purpose. Joy doesn’t have to be fleeting; it can be anchored.

Anchoring joy means intentionally choosing to hold onto good moments, to let joy root in us even when the storm rages outside. It’s about creating practices or habits that help us return to joy when we need it most—whether that’s through rituals, mindfulness or simply remembering what we are grateful for. The act of anchoring joy helps us emotionally recharge, enabling us to give and give often, staying present for both ourselves and those around us.

Resilience lies in embracing the full spectrum of human emotions—joy and sorrow alike. It’s possible to hold grief in one hand and hope in the other without invalidating either emotion. By acknowledging this duality, we honor our humanity and foster deeper connections with others. Joy and sorrow are not mutually exclusive; they coexist as part of the human experience—the yin and yang of emotions.

It’s important to recharge your emotional battery, whether you’re in a stressful situation or simply supporting someone in one. That way, you can give and give often, remaining emotionally strong for both you and others. Recognizing when you’re approaching emotional burnout and taking steps to recharge—whether through self-care, healthy boundaries or mindfulness—helps you stay equipped to offer support and empathy without exhausting yourself.

Experiencing a full range of emotions is key to living an optimal life. When we get stuck in an emotional state, disease can set in—depression, mania, prolonged grief or post-traumatic stress disorder. While we can’t always control the emotions we experience, we can regulate how we respond to them. The first step is awareness—recognizing our feelings as they arise. Mindfulness techniques like deep breathing or journaling help us gain perspective and choose how to act, rather than reacting impulsively.

So, when faced with the question, “How are you?” consider responding with depth, allowing your answer to reflect emotional complexity. Sharing both your struggles and moments of joy builds authenticity and connection. Then, turn to your neighbor, friend or family member and genuinely ask them, “How are you?” Listening with an open heart allows a unique opportunity for both of you.

“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.”

— Dalai Lama 

The post Finding Light in the Dark: Why It’s Important to Feel Joy During Troubling Times appeared first on Beverly Hills Courier.

The emotional toll of last week’s events has been just as intense as the physical destruction for many in and around the LA area. Fear, uncertainty, grief and anger have been widespread, leaving many people feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. In times like these, it’s crucial to protect not only our physical safety but also our mental health.

Whether you’ve lost a friend or family member, your home, your neighborhood, or lived through the terror of the unknown, you are most likely experiencing a wide range of fluctuating emotions. Allowing yourself permission to fully feel these emotions can be an important first step in the healing process. Recovery will require time, patience, and support in large quantities. 

While most people gradually recover from the emotional aftershocks of a disaster, others will develop Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The following steps can help reduce the risk of long-term psychological sequelae:

1. Anchor Yourself in the Present Moment

Ask yourself: Am I safe right now? Are my loved ones safe right now? If the answer is yes, take a moment to fully engage with your surroundings. Notice the objects around you, listen to the sounds in your environment, feel the texture of what’s nearby, or taste the food you’re eating. By anchoring yourself in the present moment, you can calm your mind and reduce anxiety and allow for healing to begin.

2. Calm Your Nervous System

Simple activities like deep breathing, listening to soothing music, taking a warm bath or sipping tea can have a profound impact on your nervous system. These small gestures remind your body that you are safe and you can relax. Take time each day to engage in these acts of self- kindness as a powerful tool to help your nervous system recover.

3. Reestablish a Routine

Although the fires have disrupted our daily lives, finding small ways to maintain a routine can bring a sense of stability and control amid the chaos. Whether it’s mealtimes, exercise or sleep, consistency in daily activities can help ground you in the midst of uncertainty.

4. Talk About Your Experience

One of the most effective ways to process trauma is by sharing your feelings with trusted friends, family or a support group. Talking about what you’ve been through can help alleviate feelings of isolation and provide emotional relief. Remember: You are not alone in your pain.

5. Prioritize Rest

As we discussed last week, sleep is crucial for emotional and physical recovery. Aim to rest whenever possible, even if sleep proves elusive. Daytime naps can be particularly restorative if your nervous system feels frazzled. If insomnia persists, consider consulting a healthcare provider for guidance.

6. Recognize the Signs of PTSD

Trauma can harm us psychologically, not just physically. Intrusive thoughts, hyper-vigilance, difficulty sleeping, nightmares, flashbacks, and avoidance of certain situations or conversations may occur during the early days and weeks. If symptoms are debilitating or linger beyond the first month, seek guidance from a mental health professional. Like most diseases, prevention and early intervention are key. 

7. Find Professional Support

In addition to the resources mentioned last week, consider the following local services that specialize in treating people after disasters:

• California Hope: Provides crisis counseling and emotional support for disaster survivors (Call 1-800-985-5990 or text “TalkWithUs” to 66746).

• Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health: Offers 24/7 crisis intervention and referrals (Call 1-800-854-7771).

• MySafe:LA: A nonprofit focused on fire prevention and recovery resources for affected families.

• Local Support Groups: Organizations like the Red Cross and United Way offer support groups and recovery events in affected areas.

8. Volunteer 

Helping loved ones and neighbors is crucial. By reaching out to others, whether through a kind word, a listening ear, or material support, we not only help those in need but also contribute to our own healing process. Many agencies need support in areas like firefighting assistance, recovery efforts, evacuation, and providing relief to affected communities. If you’re looking to volunteer in Los Angeles, explore the following agencies:

• LAFD Volunteering

• American Red Cross LA Volunteering

• LACoFD Volunteering

• California Volunteers

• Salvation Army LA

• California Fire Foundation

• Los Angeles Disaster Response    Volunteering

• L.A. Works

9. Donations:

Monetary donations are crucial in these times, and it’s important to give wisely. Use platforms like GuideStar and Charity Navigator to ensure your donations are going to reputable organizations with proven track records.

Places to Donate:

• California Community Foundation Wildfire Relief Fund: Supports immediate relief and long-term recovery efforts.

• American Red Cross, Los Angeles Region: Provides shelter, meals and emotional support.

• Direct Relief: Supplies medical resources to healthcare providers.

• United Way of Greater Los Angeles: Aids displaced families and helps rebuild communities.

• California Fire Foundation: Offers financial support for firefighters and victims.

• LA Fire Department Foundation: Supplies equipment for first responders.

• World Central Kitchen: Delivers meals to fire-affected communities.

• GoFundMe: You can donate directly to individuals or families in need.  

As we continue to navigate the uncertainty of the upcoming days and weeks, let us prioritize self-care and treat ourselves and others with kindness and compassion. Together, we can overcome our current hardships and work together to build a safer future for all.

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”

— Albert Einstein  

Beverly Hills Courier columnist Dr. Eva Ritvo is a psychiatrist with more than 30 years’  experience practicing in Miami Beach. She is the author of “Bekindr-The Transformative Power of Kindness” and the founder of the Bekindr Global Initiative, a movement to bring more kindness in the world. She is the co-author of “The Beauty Prescription” and “The Concise Guide to Marriage and Family Therapy.” She is also the co-founder of the Bold Beauty Project, a nonprofit that pairs women with disabilities with award-winning photographers creating art exhibitions to raise awareness. Dr. Ritvo received her undergraduate and medical degrees from UCLA, and psychiatry residency training at Weill Cornell Medicine.

The post Minding Your Mental Health Amid the Flames appeared first on Beverly Hills Courier.

The fear, confusion, and numbness we’re experiencing are natural responses to such an intense crisis. Our brains are simply not equipped to handle something of this magnitude all at once. These emotional responses—feeling disconnected, uncertain, or in disbelief—serve as a protective shield to help us cope with immediate danger. It’s OK if you’re not thinking clearly or feeling detached; it’s normal to feel this way when your body is in survival mode. It can be challenging to get your nervous system out of the state of hyperarousal.  Here are some steps you can take.  

1. Get to Safety

Above all, your safety—and the safety of those around you—must be the highest priority. If you are in an evacuation zone, follow the instructions of local authorities immediately. Fire spreads unpredictably and quickly, so don’t wait until it’s too late. Whether you’re heading to a shelter, a friend’s home, or a family member’s house, the key is to get to safety as soon as possible. Once you’re safe, find a secure, calm space to sit, breathe, and work on regaining your bearings. If you are not currently under evacuation orders, pack a bag with essentials and have it by your door. 

2. Stay Connected to Friends, Family and Neighbors

Connection is our lifeline in times of crisis. Reach out to those you care about via text, phone calls or social media. Knowing that others are thinking of you and offering support can significantly ease feelings of isolation and anxiety. Consider creating a communication plan with family and friends—perhaps having one point of contact outside the area to check in on everyone. Reach out to neighbors, even if you don’t know them well—sometimes, a simple “How are you doing?” can offer profound comfort.

3. Stay Informed, but Take Breaks From the News

While staying informed is crucial, constant exposure to distressing updates can heighten anxiety. Limit your news intake and check reliable sources (such as emergency services and official city updates) at regular intervals. It’s OK to step away from the media to focus on self-care and remember that your mental health is just as important as staying updated on the fire’s progression.

4. Avoid Alcohol, Marijuana or Other Numbing Substances

In stressful times, some people may turn to substances to numb their emotions. However, using alcohol or drugs to cope can actually worsen the situation. Alcohol interferes with sleep and hinders your body’s ability to process trauma, which you need to heal. It’s important to acknowledge the fear and pain you’re feeling, and if necessary, reach out to someone who can offer support.

5. Take Care of Your Children

Children process trauma differently from adults. They may not fully understand the situation, which can leave them feeling confused or scared. Provide reassurance and stability during this uncertain time. Try to maintain familiar routines and let them know that you are there for them. It’s also important to validate their feelings—if they are frightened, acknowledge their fears. Be patient if they show signs of regression, such as wanting to stay close to you or having trouble sleeping. If possible, explain the situation in simple terms, emphasizing that they are safe.

6. Care for Your Pets

Pets, too, are impacted by the stress of the situation. Animals are highly attuned to their owners’ emotions, so if you’re anxious, they may feel that way as well. Keep them close and provide comforting items like their favorite blanket or toy. If you need to evacuate, be sure to bring a pet carrier, leash, food and water to ensure they are safe and comfortable during the journey.

7. Avoid Major Decisions Right Now

In a crisis, our brains are flooded with stress hormones, which can impair our ability to make clear decisions. For now, avoid making major choices that can wait. It’s OK not to have all the answers right away. If you must make a decision, try to do so with the support of a loved one or trusted community member. Take things one step at a time—focus on the essentials and move forward carefully and calmly.

8. Sleep: Your Brain’s First Line of Defense

Sleep might feel elusive right now, with adrenaline and anxiety running high. But it’s essential to give your body and mind time to recover. If you can, find a quiet, dark space to rest. Even if you can’t fall asleep immediately, simply lying down and closing your eyes allows your body to process the stress. If you’re struggling to sleep due to anxiety, deep breathing exercises or meditation can help calm your nervous system. If sleeplessness continues, consider seeking professional help, as short-term medication may be helpful in managing overwhelming stress. And if you’re not eating, that’s OK for a short time as cortisol dampens our appetite—but address it if it persists for more than a couple of days.

9. Get Help When You Need It

Mental health experts are available to offer support during this trying time. Professionals trained in trauma care can help you process your feelings and navigate through this crisis. If you or someone you know is affected by a fire in Los Angeles and needs counseling, you can reach out to the Disaster Distress Helpline at 800-985-5990 for 24/7 crisis support. You can also text “TalkWithUs” to 66746 to connect with a trained counselor. Dial 211 to access information and referrals for emergency services, including mental health support. Local resources for the Beverly Hills community include the Maple Counseling Center, which can be reached at 310-271-9999.

The situation we face in Los Angeles is tragic and unprecedented. By taking small steps, staying connected, and showing kindness to ourselves and others, we will get through it. The road to healing will take time, but remember that even in the darkest moments, we are designed to be resilient. Together, we will rise from this crisis and rebuild our community to the vibrant place we love. The fire will be extinguished shortly, but the spirit of our community will never be. 

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Our brains are designed to keep us alive, and evolution has shaped us to be on high alert for potential dangers—this is known as the “negativity bias.” Our ancestors lived in environments filled with threats, from predators to food scarcity. Being attuned to danger helped them stay alive. A rustling in the bushes might have been the wind—or it might have been a lurking predator. Those who erred on the side of caution were more likely to survive and pass on their genes.

Today, our surroundings have drastically changed, but our brains remain wired in much the same way. We no longer face saber-toothed tigers, but our brains are still primed to focus on threats and negative events, and the news takes advantage of this natural tendency. This bias means that negative experiences and emotions tend to be processed differently than positive ones. We might receive a dozen compliments, but it’s that one criticism that lingers in our mind. This tendency can create a mental environment where stress, anxiety and worry dominate.

The good news is that while our brains have this inherent bias, they are also incredibly adaptable. Thanks to a concept known as neuroplasticity, we can reshape our neural  pathways over time. Neuroplasticity is the brain’s ability to reorganize itself by forming new connections. It allows us to navigate our changing environment, learn new skills, alter our thought patterns and recover from brain injuries.

By consciously shifting our focus from the negative to the positive, we can counterbalance the brain’s natural inclination toward fear. This process doesn’t mean ignoring life’s challenges or adopting a blind optimism, but rather, it means cultivating a mindset that is open to noticing and appreciating the good moments when they occur. In doing so, we can gradually tip the scales in favor of joy and well-being. Some call it “pragmatic optimism,” or a humorous friend describes herself as a “terminal optimist.” 

Anchoring joy involves deliberately focusing on positive experiences and allowing ourselves to fully absorb them. It’s about making a habit of noticing small moments of pleasure—a warm cup of coffee in the morning, the sound of laughter, a beautiful sunset—and giving those moments the attention they deserve. By doing this, we can train our brains to linger on positive emotions rather than allowing them to pass by unnoticed.

Here are a few ways to start anchoring joy in your life:

1. Savor the Small Moments: Instead of rushing through your day, take time to pause and truly experience the positive moments. When something pleasant happens, like enjoying a good meal or hearing your favorite song, take a few extra seconds or minutes to lean in. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and let yourself feel the joy in that moment.

2. Practice Gratitude: Each day, make a habit of writing down three things you are grateful for. These don’t have to be major events—simple things like a kind word from a friend or a sunny day can be enough. By focusing on what you’re grateful for, you are training your brain to notice the positive aspects of your life. Making this part of your nightly ritual can also prime your brain for more positive dreams.  

3. Mindfulness: Take a few moments each day to simply observe your surroundings without judgment. Focus on the sensation of the sun on your skin, the smell of fresh flowers or the sound of birds chirping. This practice helps ground you in the present moment and appreciate the beauty that is often overlooked. You can reinforce these pleasant moments anytime you wish by closing your eyes and reviewing them in your mind’s eye. 

4. Celebrate All Wins: Don’t wait for big achievements to feel proud or happy. Acknowledge and celebrate the small wins in your life as well, whether it’s completing a task at home or work, making it through a difficult conversation, making the wise food choice or sticking to your exercise routine. By recognizing these moments, you reinforce a sense of accomplishment and positivity.

5. Plan Activities That Will Create Joy: While this may seem obvious, often times we get so caught up in day-to-day responsibilities we forget to make time for joy. Reflect on what makes you most joyful and try to integrate more of it into your routine. It can be something as simple as 10 minutes of comedy during your day or something complicated like a dinner party or vacation.  

6. Active Recall: Sharing joyful experiences with a family member, friend or journal reinforces these positive memories. Take photos of joyful moments and put them on your mantel as a visual reminder.  Buying a souvenir serves the same productive purpose so bring something home from the next joyful outing. It doesn’t need to be anything expensive just something to jog your memory. So, next time you go to a theatre or concert, grab that T-shirt and invest a few more dollars in savoring the experience. 

Anchoring joy is not only beneficial for our own well-being but also has a ripple effect on those around us. We tend to approach others with more kindness and understanding, creating a more positive atmosphere in our relationships and communities. The old phrase “When we smile, the whole world smiles with us” is scientifically accurate. We have mirror neurons in our brain that mimic what we see, so our smile directly impacts others. Thus, your practice can transform not just your emotional well-being but also your families, friends and co-workers as well. 

It’s important to remember that anchoring joy is not about achieving a constant state of bliss. Life will always have its ups and downs, and moments of sadness or frustration are a natural part of the human experience. Anchoring joy is about creating a mental habit that helps us weather the storms of life with a bit more grace.

For those of us living in a world that often seems to prioritize productivity and speed, anchoring joy can be a powerful reminder to slow down and appreciate the present. It is a way of saying to ourselves, “This moment matters. This feeling of contentment, however small, is worth holding onto.” And over time, as we continue to anchor these moments, we may find that joy becomes a more natural and lasting presence in our lives.

“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”

Thich Nhat Hanh  

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Having practiced psychiatry for over 30 years, I’ve often observed that “good” news doesn’t always bring the anticipated outcome, while “bad” news often improves with time or reveals unexpected silver linings. I anticipate the same will be true as we move forward with Trump’s second term. Whether this moment feels exhilarating or deflating, the true impact—positive and negative—will become clear with time. 

For those riding the wave of euphoria, savor the victory, while remaining cognizant that much work lies ahead and many in our country are suffering. For those grappling with the lows of post-election disappointment, consider the Japanese word for crisis, “kiki (危機).” The first character means “danger (危),” and the second, “opportunity (機).” Take time to care for yourself, lean on family and friends, and find strength in your community. 

As we move beyond the initial excitement or shock, what steps can we take to reunite as a country? Our forefathers chose our nation’s name wisely. We must honor their intent if we are to thrive as the United States of America. 

We can all start by practicing understanding, empathy, and collaboration across political divides. We face significant challenges on multiple fronts and overcoming them will require creative solutions from all of us.

Here in Beverly Hills, in these days following World Kindness Day on Nov. 13, we can agree on a few fundamentals. We all wish to live in a peaceful and just society. We are ready to work together to build it. Kindness and cooperation hold immense power, creating ripples far beyond what we can see. We must choose our actions thoughtfully and responsibly. 

Once emotions have settled, here are a few steps to consider as you move forward:

1.    Humanize the other side: Those who differ politically are complex individuals who made their choices based on unique experiences. Avoiding demonization is crucial to maintaining civility.

2.    Engage with others: Speaking with people holding different views can foster understanding. Truly listening and considering other perspectives can teach us and may help ease our fears.

3.    Listen attentively: Empathy grows when we listen patiently and seek to understand others viewpoints. You don’t have to agree to appreciate their experiences. Remember, “Silence is golden, and duct tape is silver.”

4.    Agree to disagree: Political differences don’t have to end relationships. You can respect others without sharing their views.

5.    Find common ground: Look for shared values. Most people, regardless of political stance, are well-intentioned and want a better world. I found solace attending a Rotary Club meeting last Thursday evening. Despite our dramatically different post-election moods, we came together to plan a Thanksgiving food drive for those in need in our community.

6.    Identify real threats: Not everyone has the best intentions, and it’s important to set boundaries when necessary. Remember that excessive and prolonged fear can lead to paranoia, causing us to see danger where none exists. Remain alert and grounded in reality.

7.    Avoid complacency: Continued engagement in the civic process is important for those feeling victorious. Resilience is key for those feeling disappointed. Remember with focus and dedication oftentimes, “The comeback is greater than the setback.”

As we move forward, let’s remember that healing the hurt and division will take time and progress is rarely linear. In my years of practice, and among family and friends, I have watched people overcome challenges that seemed insurmountable. Our nation possesses this same resilience. Whether the election left you energized or deflated, we all have a role in shaping our future. By focusing on our shared humanity, practicing empathy, and engaging in constructive dialogue, we can bridge divides and foster a more resilient, united society.

Mahatma Gandhi said, “Unity to be real must stand the severest strain without breaking.” We are at that moment. With the election behind us, we can choose to come together with open hearts and a willingness to build a brighter future for all and honor the intent of our founders. 

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Although election anxiety is a common experience in today’s politically charged environment, it doesn’t have to topple your emotional well-being. By understanding the factors that contribute to this anxiety and adopting effective coping strategies, you can navigate the upcoming election with greater emotional balance. Remember to focus on what you can control, engage in self-care, and seek support when needed. The election will come and go, and your mental health should remain a priority throughout the process. 

One of the most effective ways to manage anxiety is to redirect your focus toward what you can control. By taking action in meaningful ways, you can restore a sense of agency and reduce the feeling of helplessness.

1. Vote Early or By Mail

Taking the step to vote early or by mail (if your state allows it) can reduce some of the anxiety surrounding Election Day. Voting early allows you to avoid the crowds and potential stressors associated with long lines or the possibility of Election Day disruptions. Once your vote is cast, you may feel a greater sense of relief, knowing you’ve done your part.

If you’ve already voted, you can use this opportunity to encourage others to do the same. Whether it’s reminding friends and family or volunteering to help others navigate the voting process, you’ll feel more engaged and proactive, lessening the stress of waiting for the final outcome.

2. Volunteer or Get Involved in Civic Engagement

Another way to regain a sense of control is by actively participating in civic engagement. Volunteering for a political campaign, local elections or nonpartisan voter turnout efforts or on Election Day can give you a constructive outlet for your energy over this final stretch. By contributing in these ways, you shift your attention away from the things that are outside your control and toward positive actions that can make a real difference. Even small contributions to civic life help empower you and create a sense of shared purpose.

3. Focus on Your Own Circle

In addition to engaging with the larger election process, you can focus on your immediate circle—your friends, family and community. Sharing helpful and fact-based information about the voting process with those close to you can empower others and strengthen your connections. Conversations with friends and family about voting, civic responsibility, or even the values that matter most to you can help create a sense of collective action.

While it’s tempting to argue or debate political opinions, especially on social media, these exchanges often escalate into more anxiety and division. Instead, focus on constructive and empathetic dialogue that acknowledges differences while seeking common ground. By fostering a supportive environment in your close relationships, you can reduce the pressure of political differences and focus on shared values.

4. Prepare for Post-Election Plans

Although the outcome of the election is beyond your control, you can make plans for what you will do afterward, regardless of the result. Preparing yourself mentally and emotionally for different scenarios can help reduce anxiety by giving you a roadmap to follow.

• If the results align with your hopes, consider how you will celebrate or take a moment to reflect on the outcome.

• If the results are not what you hoped for, think about how you will cope, including seeking support from friends, taking time for self-care, and engaging in actions that reflect your values moving forward.

Being mentally prepared for different outcomes doesn’t mean resigning yourself to a negative result, but rather acknowledging that, whatever happens, you have the resources and resilience to manage it.

5. Plan for Election Night and Beyond

Election night itself can be one of the most anxiety-inducing moments in the entire election cycle. As results start to roll in, emotions often run high, and the tension can feel overwhelming. To help alleviate some of this pressure, it’s important to have a plan in place for how you will manage election night and the days that follow. Taking proactive steps to create a supportive, calming environment can make all the difference in how you experience this potentially stressful time.

6. Set Boundaries on Media Consumption

One of the most important steps you can take is to decide in advance how much media coverage you will consume on election night. While it may be tempting to stay glued to the TV or check your phone constantly for updates, this can fuel anxiety. Election results often come in slowly, and with uncertainty around how long it may take to tally votes, especially with mail-in ballots. It’s easy to get caught up in the minute-to-minute updates.

Follow reputable sources: If you choose to stay informed throughout the night, stick to trustworthy, fact-based news outlets. Avoid sensationalist or inflammatory media that tends to heighten anxiety. Turn off social media notifications or mute specific accounts that you know will be overwhelming. Social media often amplifies anxiety as people react in real time with strong emotions, which can make your own feelings of stress worse.

7. Create a Calming Environment

To counterbalance the emotional intensity of election night, intentionally set up your physical space to promote calm and relaxation. Here are a few ways to do this:

• Lighting and ambiance: Soft lighting, candles or relaxing music can create a soothing atmosphere that helps you feel more grounded.

• Comforting activities: Engage in activities that you find comforting, such as knitting, cooking, drawing or reading a book. Having something to focus on that isn’t related to the election can help keep your mind occupied.

• Mindfulness practices: Consider practicing meditation, deep breathing or yoga throughout the evening to manage your stress response. Apps like Headspace or Calm can guide you through short mindfulness exercises when you need them most.

8. Surround Yourself with Supportive People

Consider spending some or all of election night with supportive friends or family members who share your values and can provide emotional support. Whether in person or via video chat, being with people who understand your concerns can help reduce feelings of isolation. Together, you can create a supportive, non-anxious environment where emotions can be shared but not escalated.

Alternatively, if you know that election night will be stressful with certain individuals (due to political disagreements or heightened emotions), it may be better to watch the results alone or with others who won’t increase your anxiety. If you do find yourself feeling triggered by certain conversations, take a step back and set boundaries. Politely disengage and remind yourself that it’s okay to prioritize your mental health over political arguments.

9. Be Ready for Uncertainty

It’s important to prepare yourself for the possibility that election results may not be immediately clear. With the rise in mail-in ballots and the potential for recounts or legal challenges, final results may take days or even weeks to be confirmed. This uncertainty can prolong the feelings of anxiety, but acknowledging this possibility ahead of time can help you mentally prepare.

During this period of waiting:

• Stick to your routines: Maintaining your daily routine—whether it’s work, exercise or leisure activities—can provide structure and stability during uncertain times.

• Plan self-care activities: In the days following the election, prioritize self-care by engaging in activities that help you decompress, such as taking a walk in nature, journaling or spending time with loved ones.

• Reach out for support: If the uncertainty is particularly overwhelming, reach out to a therapist or counselor who can help guide you through your emotions and offer strategies for managing prolonged anxiety.

As the election approaches, anxiety is a natural and understandable response to the heightened political climate. By focusing on what you can control—such as voting, volunteering and staying informed in moderation—and creating a plan for election night, you can regain a sense of agency and reduce feelings of helplessness. By prioritizing self-care, setting boundaries, and surrounding yourself with support, you’ll be better equipped to manage the uncertainty and emotional intensity that often accompanies this time. Regardless of the outcome, taking proactive steps to care for your mental health is crucial for maintaining balance and resilience during these final days before the election and beyond. 

Beverly Hills Courier columnist Dr. Eva Ritvo is a psychiatrist with more than 30 years’  experience practicing in Miami Beach. She is the author of “Bekindr-The Transformative Power of Kindness” and the founder of the Bekindr Global Initiative, a movement to bring more kindness in the world. She is the co-author of “The Beauty Prescription” and “The Concise Guide to Marriage and Family Therapy.” She is also the co-founder of the Bold Beauty Project, a nonprofit that pairs women with disabilities with award-winning photographers creating art exhibitions to raise awareness. Dr. Ritvo received her undergraduate and medical degrees from UCLA, and psychiatry residency training at Weill Cornell Medicine.

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Information overload leading to excess cortisol is a significant factor contributing to the outpouring of emotions. As we’ve discussed previously, negative news spikes our cortisol levels. Our bodies enter fight, flight or freeze mode, and our thinking becomes hyperfocused and less complex. When we find ourselves at odds with colleagues, classmates, friends or family, we secrete more cortisol, fueling the cycle.

Gandhi wisely urged us, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Here are some tips to help you create a calmer, more productive and joyful summer ahead despite whatever the world news throws at us.

1. Consume news carefully: Monitor closely the news you ingest. Check local and world news as needed and not throughout your day. Reading (not watching) the news can be less distressing, and avoid stories that are too triggering. Ask yourself what actions you can take to be a part of the solution, such as writing your Congressional representative, donating time or money to causes you care about, or reaching out to a friend or neighbor who may be directly or indirectly impacted by current events. Listen to a variety of news sources to make sure you are getting a rounded view of events.

2. Think before you speak: Be thoughtful about how and when to share your viewpoints. Many friendships and family relationships have been severed over differing views on Trump, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, Hunter Biden and many other issues we are facing. How many more relationships can we afford to lose? Speaking up in the right situation is imperative, but doing so in the wrong situation or wrong way can be destructive. Telling the difference is not easy. Remember you can’t take back hurtful words. I often tell my patients that while silence is golden, duct tape is silver.

3. Know your why: If you choose to bring up a potentially divisive subject, be clear about your goals and make sure you are taking the right steps to achieve them. Difficult conversations are best considered for at least 24 hours before diving in to ensure you are speaking from a thoughtful and not impulsive place. Writing notes in advance can help. Even ChatGPT can assist you in finding the right words to use if you decide to speak up.

4. Choose conversations wisely: If we only speak to friends with similar views, we remain in our echo chamber and fail to grow. If we seek opinions too far from our own, we risk feeling enraged. So, where do we draw the line? Each of us must draw it in a way that works. Some like to keep their conversations as conflict-free as possible while others love a good sparring match. My best advice is to know yourself and carefully choose the right people with whom to discuss particular issues.

5. Speak thoughtfully: Rules developed for couples having difficult conversations can be applied here as well. No name-calling or insulting. Talk directly about how you feel. During a challenging conversation, think of pointing the finger at yourself, not the other person. This reminds you to make statements like, “I feel, I think, I believe…” If you point a finger at someone, they will get defensive, and the conversation will likely be unproductive.

6. Listen attentively: Make sure to give the other person your undivided attention and give them time to explain how they feel. This may be uncomfortable, but it is the best way to learn.

7. Plan your exit strategy: If you become too distressed, have a phrase ready to exit the conversation such as, “While I appreciate your willingness to share, I find this topic too upsetting and prefer not to go further with this conversation right now.”

8. Take time to collect your thoughts: When we stop the hamster wheel in our head, we can find inner quiet. From that space, it is easier to be creative and solve problems. We are living in a time of great challenge and opportunity. Walking in nature, dipping in the pool or ocean, watching a sunset, sitting under a tree or meditating give us an opportunity to reboot our brain and figure out what we can or should do to help our world. It needs us. As Mark Twain said, “Actions speak louder than words but not nearly as often.”

We are now in yet another fascinating chapter in American history. As we wait for Trump and Biden to be sentenced, remember it is our responsibility to care for ourselves and our relationships and to make choices that enhance our well-being. Work to avoid the rabbit hole of unproductive conversations both in person and online. Time holds the answer to all the questions we have now, and a healthy mind and body will best prepare us for whatever lies ahead.

“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.” 

-Buddha 

Beverly Hills Courier columnist Dr. Eva Ritvo is a psychiatrist with more than 30 years’  experience practicing in Miami Beach. She is the author of “Bekindr-The Transformative Power of Kindness” and the founder of the Bekindr Global Initiative, a movement to bring more kindness in the world. She is the co-author of “The Beauty Prescription” and “The Concise Guide to Marriage and Family Therapy.” She is also the co-founder of the Bold Beauty Project, a nonprofit that pairs women with disabilities with award-winning photographers creating art exhibitions to raise awareness. Dr. Ritvo received her undergraduate and medical degrees from UCLA, and psychiatry residency training at Weill Cornell Medicine.

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Insomnia characterized by difficulty falling or staying asleep is often linked to stress and lifestyle and may be improved by following these guidelines. However, it can also be the symptom of a sleep disorder, medical condition, or medication side effect and needs evaluation and treatment by a sleep specialist. “Sleep is a basic human drive, if it isn’t easy or restful – seek help,” says sleep doctor Avinesh Bhar, M.D.

Tips for Better Sleep

1. Maintain a Consistent Sleep Schedule: Keep a regular bedtime and wake-up time, even on weekends. Exposure to morning sunlight helps establish a healthy circadian rhythm. Avoid staying indoors all day, especially if working from home, as this can contribute to sleep difficulties. Make sure you are getting enough physical exercise during the day and avoid heavy exercise late in the evening. A heavy meal too close to bedtime can also disrupt sleep. 

2. Limit Electronic Devices: Turn off all devices at least an hour before bedtime. The blue light they emit interferes with melatonin production, which regulates sleep-wake cycles. Consider using blue light filters on devices and in glasses for evening hours. Keep your cell phone silenced and away from your bed. Read physical books.

3. Learn to Unwind: Listen to soft music, guided meditation or nature sounds to calm your mind and body. Use your evenings to relax. Most problems are best solved during the day when our minds are sharpest, and we can solicit advice as needed. Unplug from the news before dinner whenever possible. Avoid TV shows or books that raise your level of stress or anxiety as this will make it difficult to fall and stay asleep. Consider writing a “to-do list” to help your mind relax. Reflect on what you are grateful for and or looking forward to. Prayer is soothing for many. 

4. Reserve the Bed for the Three S’s: Use your bed only for sleeping, sex and sickness. This helps your brain associate the bed with sleep. If you find yourself tossing and turning for over 20 minutes, move to a different area and read or listen to something soothing until you feel you are ready to try again. 

5. Watch Your Intake: Avoid caffeine after 3 p.m., remembering that chocolate, tea and many sodas contain caffeine. Adjust this timing if needed, especially as sensitivity can increase with age. Sugar should also be avoided in the evenings. Some like to drink herbal tea with kava or chamomile in the evening but limit fluid intake after dinner if you find yourself waking up to urinate during the night. Foods that may help you sleep include almonds, spinach, avocados, milk, turkey, fatty fish, walnuts, white rice and more. 

6. Avoid Alcohol: Alcohol might help you fall asleep but prevents you from cycling into the deep stages of sleep, leaving you feeling unrefreshed in the morning.

7. Create an Optimal Sleep Environment: Keep your bedroom dark, quiet, and at a comfortable temperature. While around 67 degrees is often recommended, adjust according to your preference and local climate. Mattresses now come with many options for postural and temperature control and can be well worth the investment. Some couples opt to sleep in separate rooms on occasion or consistently to protect the integrity of their sleep. Make sure to make time for physical connection at other times if you choose this option.  

8. Release Oxytocin the “Love Hormone”: Physical intimacy releases this powerful substance in our body. Oxytocin has been shown to help induce sleep, enhance REM sleep and even help regulate circadian rhythm thereby improving our sleep quality. A warm bath or shower, wrapping yourself in a warm or weighted blanket or cuddling with a pet can also be helpful.  

9. Be Cautious with Sleep Aids: For short-term use, over-the-counter sleep remedies and prescription medications may be helpful but have risks. Always consult your doctor for the best advice. Multiple studies have shown that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I) is as effective or more effective than medication for treating insomnia. For more on that, read “Overcoming Insomnia” by Jack D. Edinger or “The Insomnia Workbook” by Stephanie Silberman. 

10. Use Sleep Tracking Devices: Devices like the Oura Ring and the Whoop Strap track sleep stages, heart rate variability and respiratory rate, offering insights into sleep quality and patterns. Alarms like Sleepzy are designed to wake you during light sleep making the transition to wakefulness easier. 

Many people suffer from undiagnosed or under-treated sleep disorders which require specific interventions such as the following:

Sleep Apnea: Characterized by pauses in breathing or shallow breaths, leading to snoring, frequent awakenings and daytime tiredness.

Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS): A neurological disorder causing an irresistible urge to move the legs.

Narcolepsy: Excessive, uncontrollable daytime sleepiness and sudden sleep attacks.

Circadian Rhythm Disorders: Disruptions in the body’s natural sleep-wake cycle, common in shift workers or those with jet lag. 

If you are concerned you may be experiencing any of these disorders or if you have persistent insomnia, it’s crucial to consult your doctor or a sleep specialist. (Dr. Bhar and his group can be accessed online at https://www.sliiip.com.) If you have been using a Phillips sleep machine, your product has been recalled so make sure to check immediately with your healthcare provider. 

In an era where stress is ubiquitous and sleep difficulties are common, prioritizing a good night’s sleep is an essential step on your wellness journey. With the right tools, practice, patience and appropriate medical advice, you can empower yourself to achieve restful nights and more energetic days.  

“Sleep…Chief nourisher in life’s feast.”

-Shakespeare  

Beverly Hills Courier columnist Dr. Eva Ritvo is a psychiatrist with more than 30 years’  experience practicing in Miami Beach. She is the author of “Bekindr-The Transformative Power of Kindness” and the founder of the Bekindr Global Initiative, a movement to bring more kindness in the world. She is the co-author of “The Beauty Prescription” and “The Concise Guide to Marriage and Family Therapy.” She is also the co-founder of the Bold Beauty Project, a nonprofit that pairs women with disabilities with award-winning photographers creating art exhibitions to raise awareness. Dr. Ritvo received her undergraduate and medical degrees from UCLA, and psychiatry residency training at Weill Cornell Medicine.

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On New Year’s Day, I eagerly went off to see the movie “Boys in the Boat.” Only a few minutes into the movie, I started to cry.  My thought was “Gee this is odd, I wonder why I am crying.” I was searching for an answer and my mind was running through all sorts of possibilities.  About 10 minutes later as tears continued to stream down my face, I got it.  The coach bore an uncanny resemblance in appearance, mannerisms and interests to my cousin who died in a tragic boating accident on March 13, 2020.  As you know, that was a difficult time in our world’s history and a very challenging time to deal with a personal loss. Many of us lost loved ones that year while our normal outlets for grief were altered, leaving us with unresolved mourning and tears coming up when we least expect them.  

The transition into a new year, often marked by celebrations and resolutions, can heighten grief reactions. As our past is remembered and our future is contemplated, the sense of loss can be amplified. With so many others experiencing joy around us, it can leave those suffering with a heightened sense of isolation. 

Author C. S. Lewis wisely said, “I thought I could describe a state; make a map of sorrow. Sorrow, however, turns out to be not a state but a process.” Psychologist and grief expert William Worden has attempted to create some framework for understanding the process. He describes the four tasks of mourning that one passes through to ultimately heal from loss. Indeed, the healing process is non-linear and has no set timeline. 

1. Accept the reality of the loss: One’s immediate reaction is often shock as a form of protection from overwhelming feeling. Shock occupies the early days and weeks, and frequently lasts for months or even years. 

Unexpected and traumatic deaths can make it even more difficult to pass through this stage. The death of a child can be the most challenging to accept as it occurs out of expected order. Make sure that you and others who are in shock are not left alone or in unsafe conditions. 

2. Work through the pain of grief:  As the masking effects of shock and denial begin to wear off, reality and pain emerge. Both emotional and physical pain are experienced.  Grief or trauma extends beyond an emotional state. It is an intensely physical experience as well. I was crying in the movie well before my thoughts caught up. 

In a 2012 survey by Cruse, a bereavement charity, over 75% of respondents reported physical symptoms tied to grief, including fatigue, sleep disturbances and appetite changes. As we grieve, our bodies enter a state of heightened stress, releasing cortisol, commonly known as the “stress hormone.” Anxiety, depression, loneliness and a sense of futility can accompany this stage and need to be addressed.  

3. Adjust to the environment in which the deceased is missing: Life changes after loss and many adaptations take place over the months and years that follow. Learning new tasks, finding new social and relationship outlets, creating new family and holiday rituals can take a long time to develop. It is important to have self-compassion during these transitions and expect bumps along the way. Recovery is often one step forward then one or two back. Holidays, birthdays, death days often increase the pain of loss. 

4. Find enduring connection with the deceased while embarking on a new life: Over time, a sense of healing may allow for new relationships and activities. This may occur gradually and take years even decades. The eventual goal is to come to a place where the loss can be remembered with more ease, and joyful and loving parts of the relationship can be recalled.  

Seeking support from friends, family, support groups or professional counseling is essential. 

Dr. G. Patricia Cantwell, Division Chief of Pediatric Critical Care Medicine at University of Miami Miller School of Medicine has worked with families and children facing death. She has learned that even in the most difficult of situations social connection can provide comfort. “Grief cannot be erased by spoken words; however mindful listening can be healing.” Compassion, expressed by letting the person know you know they are in pain, without owning or trying to fix their pain, is invaluable. Bringing food may be helpful as the grieving person is often too distraught or too tired to arrange proper nutrition. Assisting with chores of daily living without being asked is another important form of caregiving.

Grief expert Patricia Stauber, RN, LCSW urges us to honor and respect the grief process both in ourselves and in others who are suffering. She notes that we live in a society that minimizes the painful experience of grief and seeks a quick fix. Recovering from loss is a lengthy journey requiring us to endure pain. Anderson Cooper in his podcast “All There Is” has opened up about his grief after losing his father, brother and mother, creating a forum where others share their journeys, thereby helping us get more comfortable talking about this difficult topic. Loss and grief are inescapable parts of life casting long shadows. If we can look bravely at the pain, we can learn, grow and eventually recover and have a full and meaningful life while still honoring those no longer with us. 

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.” – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross  

Beverly Hills Courier columnist Dr. Eva Ritvo is a psychiatrist with more than 30 years’  experience practicing in Miami Beach. She is the author of “Bekindr-The Transformative Power of Kindness” and the founder of the Bekindr Global Initiative, a movement to bring more kindness in the world. She is the co-author of “The Beauty Prescription” and “The Concise Guide to Marriage and Family Therapy.” She is also the co-founder of the Bold Beauty Project, a nonprofit that pairs women with disabilities with award-winning photographers creating art exhibitions to raise awareness. Dr. Ritvo received her undergraduate and medical degrees from UCLA, and psychiatry residency training at Weill Cornell Medicine.

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The Pew Research Center’s latest data reveals a complex emotional landscape in the United States. While a significant percentage of Americans express concerns over national ethics, education and international relations, there’s an undercurrent of resilience that’s often overlooked by the media. For instance, despite economic and political anxieties, a YouGov survey in late 2023 found that nearly half of Americans anticipated a good or great year for themselves in 2024.

If you can cultivate optimism, it may have a positive impact on your health. A meta-analysis of 15 studies, involving over 229,000 participants, found that optimists had a 35% lower risk of cardiovascular events and a 14% lower risk of mortality compared to pessimists (“Psychosomatic Medicine,” 2019). A study conducted at the University of Kentucky showed that optimists had stronger immune responses compared to pessimists. The same study found that the most optimistic individuals had a 50-70% greater chance of reaching 85 years of age compared to the least optimistic individuals. 

Moreover, we know that optimism is good for our mental health. Optimists are more likely to engage in proactive coping and problem-focused coping strategies. Rather than denying or avoiding problems, they take active steps to resolve them; a more effective way of dealing with life’s inevitable challenges. Research has linked optimism to a lower risk of developing certain mental health conditions, such as depression and anxiety and a longitudinal study by Giltay, et al. (2004) found that optimistic individuals had less than half the risk of developing depression compared to pessimists. Optimism contributes to greater resilience, enabling individuals to bounce back from hardships and traumatic events more effectively. 

There is evidence suggesting that optimism can have beneficial effects on specific brain regions. For example, research using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) has shown that optimists may exhibit different brain functioning in areas related to processing errors and emotional stimuli, which could contribute to their more positive outlook (Sharot, Riccardi, Raio and Phelps, 2007). 

Optimism can have a significant positive impact on relationships. They tend to see the best in people and situations. This positive outlook can foster goodwill and a supportive atmosphere in relationships. It helps in focusing on the strengths and potential of the partner/friend/child/co-worker rather than dwelling on flaws or challenges. 

Optimists are more likely to express gratitude and appreciation, which are key components of healthy relationships. They also tend to avoid negative communication patterns like criticism and defensiveness. Optimism is often contagious. An optimistic person can uplift others, creating a more positive and joyful environment. 

So, when we are surrounded by negative news, here are some tips to help you increase your level of optimism:

1. Stay Informed, but Limit News Consumption: Being informed about global events is important, but excessive exposure to news can turn any optimist into a pessimist. Restrict your news intake to a certain time each day (preferably during daylight and not with meals). 

2. Focus on What You Can Control: There are many global issues that you, as an individual, can’t control. Instead of feeling helpless or overwhelmed about these, focus on actions and decisions within your control that can positively impact your immediate environment or community.

3. Engage in Positive Activities: Participating in activities that bring you joy or relaxation can significantly boost your mood. Whether it’s a hobby, exercise, or spending time with loved ones, engaging in positive experiences can help maintain an optimistic outlook.

4. Volunteer and/or Contribute to a Cause: Helping others can provide a sense of purpose and positivity. Volunteering for a local charity, contributing to community projects, or supporting causes you care about can make a positive difference and improve your outlook.

5. Practice Gratitude: Regularly acknowledging and reflecting on the things you’re grateful for can help shift your focus from negative to positive aspects of life. 

6. Avoid Compassion Fatigue: When sad things are happening to those around us, we often need to step back and nourish ourselves.  It is important to set healthy boundaries and not take on the suffering of others.  Show up as a helper and learn to recognize the difference between your struggles and the struggles of others. Social media has made it very challenging to differentiate as global trauma regularly enters our homes. We are designed to be interconnected and to care, and it can be very confusing to know how and where to set boundaries. 

7. Connect with Others: Building and maintaining strong relationships with family and friends can provide emotional support and a more positive outlook. Sharing concerns and receiving encouragement from others can be very beneficial.

8. Take Care of Your Physical Health: It is hard to be an optimist when you are challenged by your physical health. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, sufficient sleep and avoiding toxins can improve your mood and energy levels.

9. Seek Inspiration: Reading uplifting stories or books, listening to motivational podcasts, or watching inspiring movies can help maintain a positive perspective.  I wrote “Bekindr: The Transformative Power of Kindness” to share stories about kind acts from strangers and to remind myself and others that the world is full of warm and generous people. 

10. Practice Mindfulness and Meditation: These practices can increase your awareness of the present moment and help you cultivate a more balanced and positive mindset.

11. Set Realistic Expectations: Understand that it’s normal to feel down or pessimistic at times, especially given current global challenges. Accepting this can help you manage your expectations and be kinder to yourself.

12. Seek Professional Help if Necessary: If you find it extremely difficult to stay positive or if negative feelings are affecting your daily life, consider seeking help from a mental health professional.

Remember, optimism doesn’t mean ignoring the challenges and difficulties of the world. It’s about maintaining hope and a belief in the possibility of positive outcomes, despite these challenges. In 2024, optimism becomes more than just a feel-good philosophy; it is a powerful stance that can drive positive change and offer psychological resilience in a world of uncertainty. Despite the tumultuous events in 2023 and those anticipated in 2024, optimism remains a powerful choice for navigating the year with optimal mental and physical health. 

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” – Winston Churchill 

Beverly Hills Courier columnist Dr. Eva Ritvo is a psychiatrist with more than 30 years’  experience practicing in Miami Beach. She is the author of “Bekindr-The Transformative Power of Kindness” and the founder of the Bekindr Global Initiative, a movement to bring more kindness in the world. She is the co-author of “The Beauty Prescription” and “The Concise Guide to Marriage and Family Therapy.” She is also the co-founder of the Bold Beauty Project, a nonprofit that pairs women with disabilities with award-winning photographers creating art exhibitions to raise awareness. Dr. Ritvo received her undergraduate and medical degrees from UCLA, and psychiatry residency training at Weill Cornell Medicine.

The post Why You Should Be an Optimist in 2024 appeared first on Beverly Hills Courier.

We also discussed in a past article, that Martha Stewart invites us to see beauty in unexpected places as she graced the cover of Sports Illustrated in a swimsuit at age 81. I call these evolved beauty receptors, and I think of them as the brain’s software. The more we train ourselves through exposure to see beauty beyond our innate programming, the more beauty we can see in the world. 

When we aren’t exposed to beauty in new places, we don’t grow. Hence, the recent study released by USC Communications Professor Stacy L. Smith and her team is quite concerning. They assessed the most popular films released since 2007 for diversity and inclusion. As a disability rights activist and mother of a daughter with a visible disability, I was particularly disappointed to see that a mere 1.9% of speaking characters in 2022 movies were shown with a disability. According to their report, 27% of the U.S. population has a disability and only one film in 800 examined reached that level of representation. Moreover, in 800 films over an 8-year time frame, there was no meaningful difference in the number of speaking characters with a disability. Clearly, there is much work to be done. 

In 2015, Shelly Baer and I co-founded the Bold Beauty Project to help change the way women with disabilities see themselves and are portrayed in the arts. We pair women with varying disabilities with volunteer photographers, and they work collaboratively to  create an image that allows each woman to feel her most bold and beautiful. Each image is presented along with a brief biography. We have held exhibitions in various cities across the U.S. and in Panama. Our motto is “DISABILITY becomes BEAUTY becomes ART becomes CHANGE.” 

Along with Disability Rights Now (https://www.disabilityrightsnow.com), Bold Beauty Project is hosting its first Los Angeles show Sept. 30 with a reception from 2-6 p.m. at the art room in DTLA, 908 South Olive Street. The event is free, and we invite you to come meet these 20 remarkable women and gracious photographers and expand your capacity to see beauty in places you might otherwise have overlooked. The exhibition will remain on view through Oct. 7 and subsequently online at
www.boldbeautyproject.com. 

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Taylor Swift rocked Los Angeles earlier this month, performing six nights to sold-out crowds at SoFi Stadium. Her “Eras” world tour is poised to become the highest-grossing concert of all time expecting to produce $1.4 billion in net revenue making it the first tour ever to gross $1 billion in ticket sales according to Pollstar. Swift’s relationship with her fans, known as “Swifties,” is unique and powerful. So powerful that her July 22 and 23 concerts in Seattle generated “Swift Quakes” registering seismic activity equivalent to a 2.3 magnitude earthquake according to seismologist Jackie Caplan-Auerbach. 

Just like Marta Stewart and “Barbie,” it is the brains and imagination along with the exaggerated beauty and lots of hard work that create their legendary impact. 

“Girls Just Want to Have Fun,” a song written by Robert Hazard in the late 1970s and popularized by Cyndi Lauper makes a great theme song for the summer of 2023. “Barbie” is everywhere, even in Whole Foods. Swift concert tickets are near impossible to get on the primary market with secondary prices climbing to over $3,500 a seat, according to StubHub.  

Both Martha Stewart and Taylor Swift have been working since age 13 and Barbie is now 64 years old without one day off! These role models show that hard work pays—a crucial lesson in an era of instant gratification. Taylor Swift earned an honorary doctorate from NYU in 2022 and delivered the commencement speech despite forgoing her own college education to work. Her physical stamina and endurance rival elite athletes, as she performs for three hours and 20 minutes at her shows multiple nights each week for 20 months. With an estimated net worth of $740 million, according to Forbes, she shows no signs of slowing down. 

Resilience is always a key element to success. Martha Stewart was able to bounce back even after serving time in prison. Ruth Handler, Barbie’s creator, rode through financial allegations and lost her position as CEO of Mattel. When she had breast cancer, she used the experience to invent breast prosthetics for women. Taylor Swift has struggled with public breakups, legal battles, an eating disorder and a mother with cancer. These women demonstrate what Hellen Keller said, “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”

Unlike many celebrities, Taylor Swift has managed to avoid many of the common pitfalls of fame and maintain what she says is her most innate desire “to be seen as good.” She is widely recognized for her kindness and generosity. The tradition of Swift-made bracelets continues to be a symbolic gesture among fans, fostering a caring culture where they support each other both online and offline. She has 270 million followers on Instagram and posts weekly. Swift constantly surprises and connects with her fans through Easter Eggs and unexpected announcements, fostering a sense of connection that goes beyond music. At the conclusion of the North American leg of tour this month in L.A., published reports say she gave away $55 million dollars. She surprised all 50 truck drivers with a $100,000 bonus and a handwritten thank-you note. She also donated to food banks in every city she visited along the way.

Taylor Swift is often referred to by fans as a “real life Barbie.” Her seismic impact, both literal and metaphorical, brings to life the Barbie motto “You can be anything.” Martha Stewart looking sexy at 84 says the same! 

In the words of another icon, Madonna, “Blonde ambition isn’t just about hair color. It’s about pushing boundaries, redefining norms, and showing the world that success, resilience, and kindness can coexist. 

Beverly Hills Courier columnist Dr. Eva Ritvo is a psychiatrist with more than 30 years’ experience practicing in Miami Beach. She is the author of “Bekindr-The Transformative Power of Kindness” and the founder of the Bekindr Global Initiative, a movement to bring more kindness in the world. She is the co-author of “The Beauty Prescription” and “The Concise Guide to Marriage and Family Therapy.” She is also the co-founder of the Bold Beauty Project, a nonprofit that pairs women with disabilities with award-winning photographers creating art exhibitions to raise awareness. Dr. Ritvo received her undergraduate and medical degrees from UCLA, and psychiatry residency training at Weill Cornell Medicine.

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Making history during its debut weekend, “Barbie” became the highest-grossing film by a female director—a beautiful demonstration of Oscar Wilde’s 1889 quip, “Life imitates art far more than art imitates life.” Gerwig and Barbie prove that women are truly capable of anything.

Barbie at 65 years old instead of retiring is being reinvented. She is once again a cultural phenomenon and an agent of change. By bringing us together to play, stimulating our innate beauty receptors, connecting us to our childhood, and challenging us to confront substantial social issues, Barbie is a real star. The movie doesn’t merely bring a beloved doll to life—it also provokes us to engage in deeper societal discussions about femininity, empowerment, social structures, mental health and more. In her new avatar, Barbie once again encourages us to believe in the boundless potential within each of us—this time for women and men alike.

Here are some of the key themes in “Barbie” that are striking a chord in all of us:

The Timing is Perfect: We are all emerging from our cocoons to experience joy together again. The mid- summer release ignited our desire to return to theaters with friends and family. This marks the biggest movie opening since 2019, a clear indication that we are moving past the trauma and enthusiastically resuming public gatherings.

A Longing for the Past: A dash of nostalgia can alleviate anxiety and uplift moods. Childhood, for many, was a carefree period, and revisiting it is comforting. Additionally, our brains conserve energy by processing familiar experiences, making them feel rewarding.

Our Concept of Beauty: Attributes such as clear skin, shiny hair, long eyelashes, a curvaceous figure and symmetry are considered “beautiful” in women. These features signal optimal fertility, triggering our biological programming to find them attractive—a constant across time and cultures.  When Barbie emerged in 1958, she showcased these traits in an exaggerated manner, instantly stimulating our innate beauty receptors. Now, Margot Robbie’s portrayal brings Barbie to life and triggers those same receptors.

“Girl Power” Personified: Barbie has always signified feminine potential—conveyed through hues of pink, sparkling glamor, radiant smiles, friendships and boundless spirit. Since her inception, Barbie has been a catalyst for change, morphing from a doll modeled after a sex worker into an emblem of unlimited potential. She has stirred the imaginations of children for decades, and this excitement is heightened as she takes on the full range of emotions in the film. Ruth Handler, the creator of Barbie, said “My whole philosophy of Barbie was that, through the doll, the little girl could be anything she wanted to be. Barbie always represented the fact that a woman has choices.” This is certainly a message that resonates now!

Overcoming Anxiety: In recent years, societal anxiety about death has been near universal. Seeing a life-sized Barbie sharing our fears is validating. Just as we emerge from our collective trauma, the Barbies band together to save their society. Overcoming trauma acts as a catalyst for growth in both Barbieland and the real world.

The Power of Play: The joy of communal movie-watching evokes childhood memories. Dressing up, sharing laughter, tears and stimulating discussions is a welcome departure from the isolation imposed by the pandemic. As social creatures, the limitations of at-home viewing on platforms like Netflix become clear when we contrast it with the enthusiasm being generated by Barbie.

A Study in Contrasts: Barbie’s hyper-femininity contrasts perfectly with the hyper-masculinity of the protagonist of “Oppenheimer.” The simultaneous release of both movies undoubtedly augmented both of their successes. The “Barbenheimer” weekend was a unique moment in cinema history, unlikely to be replicated soon without seeming contrived.

The Power of Exaggeration: In the digital age, exaggeration often captures attention by simplifying information processing. This inclination towards rapid, energy-efficient stimuli becomes more evident amidst the vast sea of digital content. Gerwig expertly used exaggeration and hyperbole to capture and hold our attention. 

Layered Content: The fast-paced, multi-dimensional movie engages viewers of all ages and sexes. In fact, 35% of viewers on opening weekend were men. The clever storyline and content, with numerous references to old films and other social phenomena, is delivered in a visually stimulating way. Gerwig managed to tackle big issues such as identity, relationships, existential crisis and matriarchy versus patriarchy. In fact, the monologue about the difficulty of balancing motherhood and work moved many to tears. There is something for almost everyone in this film.

Thought-Provoking Innovation: The movie takes the familiar character of Barbie and presents her in an entirely new way. While some worry that artificial intelligence may stifle creativity, it may also stimulate it. One of the men in our group said after the movie, “That was way better than it needed to be”—a sentiment I couldn’t agree more with! This was a movie unlike any we have seen before and many are already returning for a second viewing in order to catch more. 

A Touch of Controversy: And last but not least, as P.T. Barnum said, “there is no such thing as bad publicity as long as they spell your name right.” The portrayal of men was perceived as insulting by many and nothing ignites conversation like feeling slighted. It seems that Gerwig sought to illustrate that both matriarchy and patriarchy are flawed, and the solution lies in finding balance. However, not everyone interprets the movie this way, and many have been vocal about their anger.

For these reasons and more, this is truly a movie with legs (pun intended). 

Beverly Hills Courier columnist Dr. Eva Ritvo is a psychiatrist with more than 30 years’ experience practicing in Miami Beach. She is the author of “Bekindr-The Transformative Power of Kindness” and the founder of the Bekindr Global Initiative, a movement to bring more kindness in the world. She is the co-author of “The Beauty Prescription” and “The Concise Guide to Marriage and Family Therapy.” She is also the co-founder of the Bold Beauty Project, a nonprofit that pairs women with disabilities with award-winning photographers creating art exhibitions to raise awareness. Dr. Ritvo received her undergraduate and medical degrees from UCLA, and psychiatry residency training at Weill Cornell Medicine.

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Fast forward to 2023, and the world is posed with a significant question – “Is the pandemic over?” Answering this query is not as clear-cut as we’d like, primarily because the pandemic has affected people and communities in vastly different ways. For young, healthy individuals leading active social lives, their pandemic experience may seem like a distant memory. In contrast, for older adults and those with underlying health conditions, the threat of COVID-19 may still feel immediate and imposing. 

Several milestone announcements from world leaders and health organizations attempted to define the end of the pandemic. President Joe Biden in September 2021 declared that “the pandemic is over.” Later, on May 5, 2023, the World Health Organization (WHO) called an end to the COVID-19 public health emergency, with the United States following suit on May 11, 2023. Yet these declarations passed without the attention one might expect, perhaps indicating public skepticism or simply pandemic fatigue.

Last week the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) announced that excess deaths in the U.S. had finally dropped to below 1 % for the first time since March 2020. At the height of the pandemic in April 2020, excess mortality in the U.S. had peaked at a staggering 40%. This marked reduction may be the clearest indicator of the end of the pandemic and its layers of complications. This decrease, however, does not signify the complete eradication of COVID-19. Instead, the virus has transitioned into a less lethal threat, now claiming around 80 American lives per day – approximately 1 % of all deaths.

Many factors have contributed to this relative success. By May 2023, over 70% of Americans had received at least one vaccine dose, thanks to the massive and swift vaccine distribution efforts. A similar portion of Americans (77.5 % of those over 16 years of age) have contracted and recovered from COVID-19, granting them natural immunity. Treatments have significantly improved over the years, thanks to relentless efforts by healthcare professionals and researchers around the world. Lastly, over these three years, the virus has mutated to what appears to be a less lethal form. 

I see all around me now examples of people bouncing back, and it is very heartwarming. The world is coming back to life with all sorts of gatherings. Sporting events and concerts are sold out again. Wedding venues are hard to come by. Recreational travel is at an all-time high and excepted to beat records this summer. Many people are moving again. Telework seems to be here to stay for so many. 

So, is the pandemic over? The answer might lie somewhere between yes and no. The acute crisis phase appears to be behind us, but the echoes of the pandemic still resonate, shaping our actions, attitudes, and aspirations for the future. In addition, the trauma of the pandemic has been significant, and it has provided a catalyst for profound personal and societal transformation.

In previous Courier columns, we discussed the pillars of Post Traumatic Growth: Physical Vitality, Mental Toughness, Emotional Balance, and Loving and Strong Connections. These principles have served as a guidepost for many as they navigate the aftermath of this challenging period.

Now, it seems, is an opportune time to pause, exhale, and let the relief wash over us. As we transition into this new chapter, let’s reflect on the lessons learned, the growth experienced, and our hopes for this era of newfound freedom. Remember, surviving trauma, while daunting, often lays the groundwork for the most significant personal transformations. This shared global experience has the potential to catalyze profound societal change. Did we learn the lesson that what affects one of us affects all of us? That our well-being is tied to the collective? That we can manage with far less.  That our environment can thrive again if we give it a chance? And that we must support a global healthcare system as we are all in this together. I hope that this trying period has taught us these and many other valuable lessons.  

Beverly Hills Courier columnist Dr. Eva Ritvo is a psychiatrist with more than 30 years of experience practicing in Miami Beach. She is the author of “Bekindr-The Transformative Power of Kindness” and the founder of the Bekindr Global Initiative, a movement to bring more kindness in the world. She is the co-author of “The Beauty Prescription” and “The Concise Guide to Marriage and Family Therapy.” She is also the co-founder of the Bold Beauty Project, a nonprofit that pairs women with disabilities with award-winning photographers creating art exhibitions to raise awareness. Dr. Ritvo received her undergraduate and medical degrees from UCLA, and psychiatry residency training at Weill Cornell Medicine.

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Did you know that what is attractive is hardwired in our brain and linked to fertility? Numerous studies have shed light on our innate beauty receptors. Babies as young as 1-month-old stare longer at attractive faces and 1-year-olds have been shown to cooperate better with attractive sitters and on it goes throughout life. For all of us living in Beverly Hills, we know that beauty matters. 

Psychologist Nancy Etcoff, in her book “Survival of the Prettiest,” asserts that our preference for smooth skin, shiny hair, curved waists, and symmetrical bodies stems from the evolutionary advantage associated with these traits. Our ancestors who recognized and desired these signals had greater reproductive success. Thus, our brains have developed innate beauty receptors that respond positively to these characteristics. Attractive faces trigger the brain’s reward pathway, much like activities such as making money, having sex, or using cocaine.

The International Mate Selection Project, conducted by David Buss, was a massive study encompassing diverse cultures and continents. He looked at mate selection in 33 countries on six continents and five islands. The findings revealed that men across cultures valued appearance more than women did when selecting a mate. Traits such as clear skin, lustrous hair, symmetrical features, and an ideal waist-to-hip ratio were consistently associated with attractiveness. These characteristics signify good health and form a universal beauty archetype that is innate rather than learned. No wonder the skin, hair and personal beauty care industry is a global phenomenon with $571 billion of revenue projected for 2023 and an annual growth rate of 3.8%. 

In humans, our extended period of dependency on maternal care influences our mate selection. Women experience a pronounced rise and decline in fertility as nature wants to ensure that mothers are around long enough to raise their children to independence. Men are wired to be attracted to young and healthy women to enhance the survival of their offspring. Peak fertility years equate to peak attractiveness. Hence the slew of 20-year-olds gracing magazine covers and beauty pageants. 

Conversely, men do not experience such a rapid decline in fertility. Their ability to care for offspring may increase as they get older as they may have more financial and social resources and protect their young. Hence, male attractiveness increases as men age. One study showed that women were in fact more attracted to men with scars on their faces perhaps signaling that he can do battle and survive. These differences in reproductive strategies explains the popularity of May-December romances and platforms like Sugar Baby Sugar Daddy, which align with our evolutionarily programmed instincts.

But don’t despair about these inequities in attractiveness as we age. Women’s desire to look attractive keeps us alive longer; almost six years on average! Our desire to look good drives us to the gym, Pilates classes, nutritionists, dermatologists and other life-extending places. 

We also evolve our perceptions of beauty over time by downloading what I refer to as “evolved beauty receptors.” Martha Stewart helps all of us do that by challenging the narrow definition of fertility-associated beauty and looking sexy at 81. She shows us how women can embrace their attractiveness and radiate beauty decades beyond our peak fertility years. Our lives are now driven by multifaceted forces that extend way beyond procreation and survival. Reproduction is no longer the sole arduous task it once was for our ancestors, particularly in the industrialized world and need to hold such sway over our choices.  

To transcend hardwired beauty perceptions and develop our minds’ beauty software, we can train ourselves to see beauty in new places. As we progress through life, our perceptions of beauty naturally expand. We find beauty in our loved ones, acquaintances, and strangers. The media play a big role in shaping our preferences. What we see often, usually grows in attractiveness. The internet has exponentially broadened the definition of beauty, introducing new standards continuously. Through positive experiences and open-mindedness, we can discover ever- increasing beauty in ourselves, others, and the world around us. 

Actively recruiting new beauty receptors is also possible. By observing women in various settings, consciously recognizing and appreciating their unique beauty, we can expand our perceptions. In 2015, I co-founded the Bold Beauty Project. www.boldbeautyproject. We pair women with varying disabilities with volunteer photographers and create art shows to encourage our audience to see beauty in places they may have overlooked. We will be hosting our next show in DTLA, Sept. 30 and hope to see you there so you can download new beauty receptors and meet these bold and beautiful women.

Women can also train themselves to see more beauty in themselves. Look in the mirror and focus on the positives of what they see. Tell yourself, “I am 20 percent more beautiful than I think.” Women often criticize themselves due to the discrepancy between their appearance and the hardwired beauty standards in their minds but we can train ourselves in more positive ways. Remember, ALL women are beautiful and each of us deserves to feel our best. 

Embracing the idea that beauty emanates from within allows us to appreciate the qualities beyond fertility that truly make someone attractive—confidence, self-awareness, generosity, kindness, effective communication, integrity, openness, transparency, loyalty, intelligence, humor, passion, humility, creativity and optimism are all very attractive and help maintain meaningful connections overtime to name. These traits take time to develop and cultivate. The more you embody these qualities, the more attractive you become. Lasting beauty is within everyone’s grasp. And never forget a smile. “If you smile, the whole world smiles with you” thanks to our mirror neurons (the part of the brain that fires when we see someone doing something). 

So, I applaud Martha Stewart and Sports Illustrated for their story. Her confidence shines through in these new images. She is clearly enjoying her life and embracing her sexuality. Through repeated exposure to such images, we evolve our beauty receptors and recognize more beauty in others and in ourselves. By appreciating the distinction between our innate and evolving beauty receptors, we gain a deeper understanding of our behaviors and can embrace the beauty in all women. Women can transcend their critical inner voices, fueled by innate beauty receptors, and learn to love their bodies, ultimately attaining true beauty—optimal mental and physical health. At 81 years old, Martha Stewart embodies this beauty, demonstrating the radiance that comes from embracing oneself fully. What could be more beautiful than that? 

“People often say that ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder,’ and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you are the beholder. This empowers us to find beauty in places where others have not dared to look, including inside ourselves.”

– Salma Hayek

Beverly Hills Courier columnist Dr. Eva Ritvo is a psychiatrist with 30 years’ experience practicing in Miami Beach. She is the author of “Bekindr-The Transformative Power of Kindness” and the Co-Founder of the Bold Beauty Project. Dr. Ritvo received her undergraduate and medical degrees from UCLA and psychiatry residency training at Weill Cornell Medicine.  

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When your brain is in an overanxious state, become aware of it. Ask yourself, is this anxiety showing me something I need to see? Am I safe NOW? We call this “signal” anxiety and it is our friend. It is triggered in a variety of situations such as crossing a street, going to a doctor or getting a call in the middle of the night. Signal anxiety alerts us to potential danger so our mind and body are prepared to respond.  

Signal anxiety contrasts with “free-floating” anxiety meaning that anxiety is present too often and not related to an imminent threat. Free-floating anxiety may lead to an anxiety disorder that needs treatment. 

Many factors can contribute to the development of an anxiety disorder as we age. 

Declining health: Aging can lead to chronic health conditions such as arthritis, diabetes, heart disease and obesity, which can limit mobility, increase pain, and lead to feelings of helplessness and anxiety. Sleep disturbances such as sleep apnea and restless leg syndrome increase as we age and can lead to anxiety and depressive disorders. We may also find ourselves taking medications to treat various illnesses which may have side effects that increase anxiety.

Financial insecurity: Many older adults are living on fixed incomes, and they may worry about paying for housing, food, and medical care. The cost of living in California is high and this period of inflation has increased the strain. These financial concerns may also prevent people from seeking appropriate self-care and medical care creating a vicious cycle.

Grief and loss: As we age, we inevitably lose friends, family members, and sometimes even spouses. These losses can be difficult to cope with, and they can lead to feelings of loneliness and depression. We may also worry about our own mortality and the uncertainty of our future.

Social isolation and loneliness: Humans are social creatures and we need one another to survive and thrive. A recent study showed that the lack of energy caused by social isolation was the equivalent of going eight hours without food. Many people of all ages have not gotten back to pre-pandemic levels of social activity. In Beverly Hills, where the cost of living is high and there is a strong emphasis on youth and appearance, social isolation may be even more prevalent. Older adults who feel they do not fit into the fast-paced, expensive, youthful culture may withdraw from social interactions, increasing their feelings of loneliness and anxiety. 

Treatment: Fortunately, there are many treatment options available for excessive anxiety. Psychodynamic therapy and Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) have been shown to reduce anxiety and prevent relapse. Couples or family therapy can also help to decrease symptoms and improve quality of life. Mindfulness is the practice of stepping outside our automatic thoughts and learning to observe them. We can then learn to pick and choose the thoughts and behaviors that help us feel our best. Focus on gratitude and kindness to self or others, then see how you feel.

Antidepressants or anti-anxiety medications such as Lexapro and Zoloft have been shown to be quite effective in all age groups. Treatment with benzodiazepines like Clonazepam, Xanax or Valium may be helpful in the short run but can exacerbate and create other problems if used for too long or at excessive doses. Similarly, alcohol may seem to decrease anxiety but in fact will increase anxiety and depression if used too often or in large amounts by altering brain chemistry, decreasing the quality of sleep and damaging your brain. As we age, we metabolize alcohol less effectively and even small amounts can lead to negative consequences. Internists, cardiologists and gynecologists are often comfortable prescribing these medications or can guide you to a psychiatrist. We are fortunate to have a world class institution in our backyard so don’t hesitate to reach out for help. (https://www.uclahealth.org/medical-services/psychiatry/adult/adult-anxiety-disorders-clinic).

One benefit of the pandemic was that most of us have all become more comfortable talking about mental health issues. Supplements such as St John’s wort, Ashwagandha, Valerian root, Magnesium and Omega-3 Fatty Acids have been shown to help in some cases. Make sure you check with your doctor before adding any supplements. 

Proper nutrition helps us maintain a stable blood sugar and avoid mood swings and is essential for optimal health. I am sure you have felt “hangry” when you have gone too long without eating. As we age, our bodies become more reliant on proper self-care as we don’t have the physiological bandwidth to manage stress as well. 

Engaging in physical activity, such as taking a walk or participating in yoga classes, can reduce anxiety. Take advantage of the city’s many parks and recreational areas as spending time in nature has been shown to have numerous mental and physical health benefits. Watching a sunrise or sunset can lift your mood and help put your issues into a larger perspective. Relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or meditation can also help to reduce feelings of anxiety especially when practiced regularly. Apps such as Calm, Headspace and InsightTimer are a great way to get started. 

Massage, acupuncture, warm showers or baths, listening to soft music or sound bowls, or hugging a loved one or pet can also help to calm your overactive nervous system by releasing Oxytocin, nick named the “love or cuddle hormone.” Diving into a good book or TV show can also help quiet an overactive mind. I often go on YouTube and search “music to induce calm” or listen to one of my favorite comedians. On really challenging days, I look at photos of puppies to try to relax. 

A media detox can help decrease our cortisol levels allowing us to feel calmer. During the pandemic, I advised you to stop all news consumption after dark, and I still think this is good advice. Limit your intake to what you really need to know and your nervous system can tolerate. It is important to respect your limits as you grow older as our bodies lose their resiliency and can’t rebound from stress as easily.  My motto is “less is more”, and I apply it to many facets of life. 

Volunteering has been shown to increase feelings of connectedness and purpose and thereby reduce anxiety. As we may age out of work, it is important to remain relevant. Find something meaningful and partake in it on a regular basis. Weekly golf or card games with friends can help ward off anxiety and depression. Religion provides comfort, especially in times of crisis and as we confront big questions as we tend to do as we grow older. If organized religion doesn’t suit you, consider a more spiritually based approach.  

Technology can be a valuable tool for combating social isolation and learning. Use video conferencing tools like Zoom or FaceTime to stay in touch with loved ones, attend virtual events, or participate in online support groups. I recall my father switching to telemedicine in his late 80s because he was too frail to travel to an office but didn’t want to give up his psychiatry practice. He made this adaptation many years before the pandemic! We are fortunate now to have so many ways to connect. 

Lastly, Beverly Hills has several community resources available, such as senior centers and social clubs. The Beverly Hills Active Adult Center offers a variety of social, educational, and recreational programs for older adults, including fitness classes, day trips, and special events. The center also hosts support groups for those struggling with anxiety or other mental health issues. Tap into your resources.  

If you or a loved one are suffering from excess anxiety, it is important to seek help to learn to manage anxiety and resume a more fulfilling life. We are fortunate to be living in a time when and community where so many therapeutic options can be readily accessed.  

As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” Don’t let anxiety hold you back from living your life to the fullest. With the right treatment and lifestyle changes, you can overcome anxiety and enjoy all that life in Beverly Hills has to offer.  

Beverly Hills Courier columnist Dr. Eva Ritvo is a psychiatrist with 30 years’ experience practicing in Miami Beach. She is the author of “Bekindr-The Transformative Power of Kindness” and the Co-Founder of the Bold Beauty Project. Dr. Ritvo received her undergraduate and medical degrees from UCLA and psychiatry residency training at Weill Cornell Medicine.  May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and Dr. Ritvo is speaking on opening day of the Mankind Summit, a three-day virtual event to elevate MAN (Mental Awareness Now) on May 17-19 from 11 a.m– 4 p.m. EST. To register for the summit, visit
https://mankindsummit.com/.

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Progress is rarely linear. Our evolution towards a more compassionate and just society is often fraught with missteps as we are currently witnessing in Ukraine. As we have discussed time and again, danger will always capture our attention, and this is what happened on Oscar night. But be sure not to miss the monumental progress. Ironically, both the victories and the set-back relate to how aware and sensitively we treat the medical issues of others. 

Will Smith slapping Chris Rock was shocking. I am glad that everyone is thinking and talking about it as there is much to learn about how we manage our hurt and anger. Jada Pinkett Smith looked absolutely gorgeous at the Oscars, and it was painful to watch her face fall as her medical condition became the butt of a joke. While I empathize with Will Smith’s natural instinct to protect his wife, he impulsively chose the wrong path. We saw on live television his “fight or flight” response kick in and he acted from this place. The overwhelming consensus and in his own words his behavior was “unacceptable and inexcusable.” He went on to say, “I was wrong, and I am embarrassed, and my actions are not indicative of the man I want to be. There is no place for violence in a world of love and kindness.” 

It is hard to think of a more complex moment, and his rapid response was startlingly out of place. This was a dramatic example of why we must think before we react. Taking a deep breath in times of distress goes a long way to help us engage the more evolved parts of our brain and help us come up with solutions that meet our well-intended goal to help those in pain. 

Jada continues to bring much needed awareness to alopecia areata, an autoimmune disorder that causes hair loss. It affects 6.8 million people in the United States and is more than twice as common in women than men. It usually strikes those under 30, and there appears to be both environmental and genetic causes. The disease is painless but can cause psychological distress due to feeling of loss of control, worrying about health and changes in appearance.  

Jada has shared her stages of the disease, and after years of struggle, she seems to have come to a place of acceptance. On Instagram a year ago she said, “Me and this alopecia are going to be friends.” She is beautiful, radiant and a role model to women with this disease. 

She helps all of us expand our narrow definition of beauty, and so we all evolve. The more beautiful images we see of her, the more we grow. Accepting any illness is a journey both for an individual, a family and for society and I respect her ability to share the process with us. It is not always easy as displayed Sunday night. 

In the same way Jada raises our awareness, the Oscars made giant steps forward this year by honoring a movie that lets us peer into the lives of those affected by hearing loss. CODA (which stands for Children Of Deaf Adults) is a heartwarming movie starring deaf actors and actresses that depicts the home life of a family where both parents and one of two siblings are deaf. The story focuses on the one hearing daughter and her challenges balancing the needs of her family with her own need for independence.  

CODA won best picture, best adapted screenplay for Sian Heder, and best supporting actor for Troy Kotsur. Troy joins his co-star Marlee Matlin as the only deaf actors to ever win Oscars for acting and he is only the third deaf actor ever nominated. These are important milestones as we journey to become a more diverse and inclusive society, and they should be celebrated. 

One in eight people in the United States (approximately 30 million) aged 12 years or older has hearing loss in both ears. Approximately, 2 % of adults aged 45 to 54 have disabling hearing loss, 8.5 % for ages 55 to 64, 25% aged 65 to 74 and 50 % of those over 75 and have disabling hearing loss. This is a disability that touches so many lives.  

CODA has brought attention to this community in a powerful way, and we all grow by learning.  Medical issues can be scary and when we don’t understand things our anxiety naturally heightens. When we get exposed to the daily struggles of others as we do in this  movie, we see that we are all more the same than different. Warmth and compassion replace fear and anxiety.

Einstein once said, “Our task must be to free ourselves…by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” Trailblazing and brave women and men like Jada and Troy, and all the members of the CODA team help us do that. The more we get to know one another, the more we can acknowledge our differences and our similarities and achieve the goal so eloquently stated by Einstein almost 100 years ago.    

There was indeed a lot to unpack from Sunday’s event, and I hope that we can focus on the progress we are making to live in a more open and accepting society and learn from all we saw.   

“Our ability to reach unity in diversity will be the beauty and test of our civilization.”

Mahatma Gandhi 

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Tragically, our sympathetic nervous systems, responsible for our “fight or flight” responses, are once again in overdrive. We are consuming extremely alarming news, and our bodies are secreting high levels of cortisol. Cortisol causes us to hyper-focus and makes it harder to look away. It seems that wherever you go, people are talking about the crisis in the Ukraine. It is hard to think about much else and for some it is even hard to sleep. 

Our “fight or flight” response has a third biologically determined option, and that is to freeze. And that is exactly what we were told to do two years ago, and we did it remarkably well.  It is only now that we are returning to our usual movement patterns, and this is a particularly tough time to be sent back into crisis mode. We call this compounded crisis, and it requires extra care to manage. Today we are watching as millions of Ukrainians and their neighbors are having to decide between fighting or fleeing. 

But what do we do here in Beverly Hills? Fight, flight or freeze are the primitive solutions that don’t fit our current highly complex reality to this crisis unfolding thousands of miles away. Our brains and bodies are distressed. It is natural to be agitated, anxious, preoccupied, angry and depressed. But try not to get stuck in these emotions. Use the skills you have learned and practiced the last two years and be resilient. Activate your frontal lobe and think about how you can be part of the solution. Two years ago, I said we need to learn to stay calm even in the face of danger, and I urge you to once again follow this advice.

Don’t neglect self-care. This is a crisis like the last one that will drag on in time. We must be strong to continue to think logically and to aid those suffering in ways that are meaningful. Remember that many of us wield considerable power each in our own way. It is important to step up to the plate in this moment of history. Try not give in to compassion fatigue. Many of us have been raised on the words “Never Again.” Now is a defining moment and each of us must carefully choose how to respond. 

I urge you to reflect on the list below and take actions that help you feel empowered and not hopeless in the face of continued adversity. 

1. Donate. The list of organizations providing aid is long. Do your research using CharityNavigator or GuidesStar and select one or several non-profits to support. Consider making a recurring donation. It is a good time to reflect on your priorities and make sure your donations coincide with them. (For a list of reputable charities, see pg. 13).

2. Write to your elected representatives. Express your thoughts in a clear and coherent way. We are so fortunate to live in a democracy where our voices do matter. 

3. Attend peaceful protests. People around the world and even inside Russia are taking to the streets to show their support of people in Ukraine and democracy in general. It is reassuring to see our county and the world so united especially following the last two years of escalated divisiveness. 

4. Support local Ukrainian journalism by sending money and reading and listening to their reports. 

5. Find a local organization and volunteer your services in person. Helping others activates our parasympathetic nervous system and combats stress. It is called “tend and befriend” and we see it activated after any trauma, especially natural disasters.  

6. Stay informed. Get your news from reliable sources and make sure to vary them. During the pandemic, I decided to stop listening to or reading news after dark, and I am continuing to implement this practice. The images are quite disturbing, and you must find the right balance to stay informed but not overwhelm your nervous system.

7. Learn about the region and its history. In the words of Winston Churchill, “Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it.”

8. Consult your financial planner and make sure you and your family are protected in times of global uncertainty.  

9. Decrease your consumption of fossil fuel. We all did this in 2020, and we can do it again. Consider driving an electric car if you don’t already do so.

10. Support Ukrainian people in your neighborhood. They are under particular stress. Neighboring countries such as Poland, Hungary, Moldova, Romania and Slovakia are also under extreme pressure. Reach out to friends in Beverly Hills who are from these regions and ask how you can help. 

11. Avoid attacking Russians in the US. They are not at fault and should not be blamed for atrocities in their home country. We witnessed Asian hate crime increase in the US during the pandemic, and we must avoid this type of paranoia. As a recent post on Instagram stated, “The Russian grandmother who runs the restaurant in your neighborhood did not invade Ukraine.”

12. Support all your friends, family and our community. We are all feeling the pain of this crisis and again facing uncertainty about our future. Lend a helping hand to anyone in need.  Remember you are helping yourself in the process.  

13. Last and not least, put the oxygen mask on yourself.  Work on getting enough sleep, eating properly, exercising and engaging in activities that help you decrease stress such as yoga and meditation and avoiding toxins like junk food, marijuana and alcohol.

This is a time to be strong, resilient and compassionate.  Once again, we must strive to learn and grow from trauma.  

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny.” Martin Luther King, Jr. 

Beverly Hills Courier columnist Dr. Eva Ritvo is a psychiatrist with 30 years of experience who practices in Miami Beach. She is the author of “Bekindr-The Transformative Power of Kindness” and the Co-Founder of the Bold Beauty Project. Dr. Ritvo received her undergraduate and medical degrees from UCLA and psychiatry residency training at Weill Cornell Medicine. 

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When my daughter politely asked, “So what is your New Year’s Resolution?” I actually felt anger bubble up. I wanted to say “Are you kidding? I am just doing my best every day to stay alive and keep you, your sister and all my patients the same.” But luckily, another thought bubbled up, and I reminded myself to just take a deep breath. I remembered what I tell patients when they feel angry. “Silence is golden and duct tape is silver.” In other words, keep it shut!  

So, I took a deep breath and said nothing. It worked. I was able to realize how irrational my response was, and it gave me insight into just how hard this year has been for me and for most of us. One of the hallmarks of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a foreshortened sense of the future combined with feelings of dread and that is what got triggered when I thought about 2022, or as many are saying 2020, too.  

Albert Einstein said, “In the midst of every crisis lies great opportunity.” Instead of focusing on what I want to change next year, I decided to reflect on what I accomplished last year as a way to lift my own mood and spark hope for the future.

We have been in ongoing trauma now for almost two years with very little break.  Many have had superimposed trauma, which is incredibly challenging. The seven stages of dealing with trauma are the following: shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, depression, the upward turn, reconstruction and working through, and finally acceptance and hope. I wrote to you about the opportunity for Post Traumatic Growth, but we can’t seem to get to the other side on this one. Circumstances such as delta and omicron outbreaks are causing many of us to continue cycling between the first four stages without enough time and space to get to the later healing phases.  

As we close another difficult year, let’s look at what has worked in 2020 and 2021 and resolve to continue to do more of it.

Take an inventory of the positive changes you have made. Don’t worry about negatives at the moment, as we have had more than enough time to focus on them the last few years. 

Ask yourself the following questions and consider jotting down your thoughts:

Are you more in touch with your mental health than ever before?

Much of the stigma about mental illness has been erased these last years as suffering is universal. We are learning to live without all the distractions and many negative emotions have been surfacing. Hopefully, you are embracing all your emotions and not judging yourself harshly when you feel shocked, numb, hurt, angry, guilty or depressed. These are all part of the normal trauma reaction. We get in trouble when we deny our feelings, try to minimize them with drugs or alcohol or act out on them. If we can just breathe and accept them, they will come and go like ocean waves. Emotions are there to inform us. We need to learn to listen. Then we can choose our behaviors from a place of calm and reason not from an emotionally overcharged place.  

How is your support system? 

During trauma we must lean on our support systems. This is why every religion has a protocol to deal with loss. A common element in all is that the one experiencing loss is surrounded by friends, family and a supportive community. 

Tapping into a support system has proven to be much more complicated when the whole world is undergoing simultaneous trauma and contact with others can create exactly the problem we are trying to avoid. Moreover, those typically rushing into help such as your health care workers are also suffering. Burnout and compassion fatigue are to be expected and must be acknowledged and treated.

How has your support system changed? Who has helped you? How can you continue to nurture these relationships in the year ahead? If you have lost social connections, don’t despair. Everyone has! The pandemic is causing/allowing us to move from breadth to depth, and for many this has been quite beneficial. If your support system is too narrow, spend time broadening or deepening it. Access therapy online or in person. Ask your doctor for a referral or contact community resources, such as the Maple Counseling Center https://www.maple4counseling.org. Who have you helped this last year? Can you derive satisfaction from that experience? 

In what areas have you become more self-reliant?

We all got thrown into the deep end of the pool with this one. Between working from home and minimizing household staff, we have turned into cooks, housekeepers, school teachers, assistants and so much more. Without parties and events to attend, we have had to create our own joy. What have you learned? What do you feel most proud of this past year? 

Can you embrace the NOW?

Eckhardt Tolle in “The Power of Now” instructs us to ask ourselves, “Are we safe right now? Are your loved ones safe right now?” If the answer is yes, we need to calm our nervous system and shift out of our fight or flight response and focus on the NOW. We have discussed meditation, yoga, eating healthy food, hugging a pet, taking a shower or bath, and phoning a friend as some of the ways to come into the present moment and decrease worry. If you haven’t developed your own list, please do so now and keep it visible. Coming into the present moment is a powerful way to engage our senses and stop the relentless thinking that so often doesn’t serve you. Take three deep breaths right now and focus only on your breathing in and out slowly. See how you feel before you start and when you finish. Which changes have you made that are important to carry forward? 

What else have you learned?

Although this is a collective trauma, everyone experiences it through the lens of their prior experiences and their unique vantage point. What has this trying time taught you? How have previous stressors prepared you to deal with the pandemic?

How have your values shifted? 

After reflecting on how much I have grown this year, I feel better equipped to make constructive resolutions, and I hope you will too.   

This New Year’s I resolve to love and embrace life even when circumstances are undesirable. I resolve to treat myself and others with compassion. I resolve to remain as optimistic as possible and to continue to find the good around me.  

Once again, I wish you and your family a safe, happy and healthy year ahead.  

“Your success and your happiness lies in you.  Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficultes.”

Helen Keller 

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If you do one thing during the holidays, it should be this: get up and move!

It is so enticing this time of year to stay huddled around friends and family, indulging in festive meals and celebrations. That is definitely part of what makes the holidays special. But it is also important to put exercise on your list of priorities. In fact, research shows that exercise pays off in more ways than previously recognized. 

We all know that exercise will make you look and feel better. But did you also know that it makes you smarter? Forget the old “dumb jock” stereotype! A dear friend of mine with a Harvard M.B.A. says he looks for rowers when he is seeking new hires. He says they are usually brighter, harder working and really understand the mechanics of working as a team.

Studies from around the world have conclusively shown that regular exercise leads to enhanced memory, mood, cognitive functioning, and learning capabilities. It even makes your brain larger! It also helps prevent neurological changes associated with aging and several neurological diseases.  

If you haven’t been convinced or inspired enough yet to make exercise a part of your daily routine, here are a few insights to get you moving. And if you have already made exercise a part of your life, I hope you enjoy learning a bit more about how it works.

Tip 1: Bring on the BDNF 

Our brains secrete an amazing chemical called brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF). When you exercise, you secrete higher levels of BDNF, which allows you to make new neurons in your brain, mostly in the hippocampus. The hippocampus mediates several higher brain functions, such as learning, memory, and spatial coding. When you add new neurons in this region, you will see improvement in any or all of these areas. 

If you think about it, it makes perfect sense. When our hunter-gatherer ancestors ran off to chase dinner, they had to find their way home without Google Maps. So, when they went out for a trek, their brains secreted BDNF to help them get back safely. Those who were best at doing so survived and passed their genes to us. 

Once we recognize the powerful role of BDNF, we owe it to ourselves and our children to make sure exercise is a major part of our daily routine. It no longer makes sense to say, “I don’t have time to exercise,” or “I’ve got too much to do to get ready for the holidays.” The fact is, everything you do after the exercise will be more efficient. I wish I knew this when I was in medical school and gave up four years at the gym for my chair in the library.  

Tip 2: Promote positive effects

Certainly, you have heard of the “runner’s high.” Exercise increases the number of neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine and endorphins, which are known to accelerate information processing and make us feel better. When these chemicals are released together, they result in hyperstimulation of the mind, which allows for an increased focus of attention and reaction time for at least two hours. So, if you have a mentally challenging task to do, the optimal time is up until two hours after your work-out, which explains the large crowd we used to see at the gym in the early morning. 

Exercise also has antidepressant effects. Studies have shown that as little as one hour a week can decrease the risk of relapsing to a depression. Not only are you boosting your happy chemicals, but you are also giving your brain an opportunity to enhance clearance of cortisol, which makes you feel anxious and stressed. This means that those who frequently exercise are more equipped to manage stress and control their emotions better. 

As your heart rate increases during exercise, blood flow to the brain increases. As blood flow increases, your brain is exposed to more oxygen and nutrients. This leads to enhanced blood vessel growth in areas of the brain associated with rational thinking as well as social, physical and intellectual performance.

Tip 3: Pass on benefits to your progeny

You can make your unborn children smarter. It’s true. Studies have shown that babies born to moms who exercised regularly during pregnancy performed better at age 5 on general intelligence tests and oral language skills. Other studies found increases in math and language tests. And one research group was able to show that three months of regular exercise changed the DNA in men’s sperm in genes associated with Schizophrenia, Parkinson’s disease and other brain disorders, theoretically reducing the likelihood of these diseases manifesting in their offspring. 

Tip 4: Stick with it

Regular exercise has been shown to counteract diseases such as Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s as well as age-related mental impairment and atrophy. Moderate levels of exercise enforce the human body’s antioxidant defense system. It’s important not to overdo it, though. Not all of us are cut out to be professional athletes. Extreme exercise has been shown to disrupt a number of metabolic and physiological processes and can lead to impaired cognitive performance. According to guidelines published by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, adults should get at least 150 to 300 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic activity, like brisk walking or fast dancing, each week. Adults also need muscle-strengthening activity, like lifting weights or doing push-ups, at least two days each week. Gain even more benefits by being active at least 300 minutes (five hours) per week. Increase amount and intensity gradually over time. Bigger gains have been suggested with more complex activity, which requires you to build or acquire a skill. An example of this is exercise that challenges your balance or thinking, like tennis, yoga or dancing. 

Tip 5: Play well with others 

According to the renowned psychiatrist Ira Glick, M.D., “Most sports serve several functions from a mental perspective. First, drive discharge (i.e., the ability to use the sport to divert strong aggressive and competitive drives to useful outlets). Second, playing with others lends itself to increasing self-esteem and mastery. Third, and arguably most important and a crucial feature is the ability to delay gratification.” 

As you can see, the reasons to work out are plentiful. As we go through the second holiday season of the pandemic, we should remain focused on our health. Exercise is the best way to combat the stress that tends to increase this time of year. So, grab some shoes and get out there. Invite family members to join you in some robust activities at the beautiful parks and walking tracks in Beverly Hills. We are so fortunate to live in an area where the weather is hospitable almost all the time. There’s no reason your holidays can’t be happy as well as healthy.

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In February 2020, it was unimaginable to most of us that we would spend a year in such a confined way.  And here we are, almost a year and half later and only now cautiously reemerging. Imagine this from a fitness angle: What would happen to a runner who stops running for 18 months? The first steps on the track will be shaky, and it may take weeks or months before regaining full capabilities. Likewise, many of us stopped exercising our “social muscles” 18 months ago, and now that we are crawling back into society we are finding that our “social muscles” and other skills may have atrophied a bit. 

Here’s a list of issues to consider to help you successfully reemerge:

Embrace forgiveness and patience

As we venture back into restaurants, businesses, and society in general, we are certain to find things don’t always work as smoothly as they did before the pandemic started. For example, when you go back to the restaurant you used to love so much, you might discover that they are very short-staffed. Maybe they are down to a single overwhelmed cook who can’t keep up with pre-pandemic quality standards. No matter where you encounter difficulties with business, try to keep this in mind: we are all trying to figure things out! Be more forgiving and patient than you were before and seek to be the kindest person you can be. 

Overdrinking in social settings

Many people have decreased their alcohol intake during quarantine.  Now as we return to bars and social settings, we may drink more as we get caught up in the moment or feel pressured to keep up with others.  Or maybe you knew exactly how much you could drink before the quarantine, but now the same amount may hit you like a brick. Problems occur when our livers aren’t fully up to speed for an onslaught of alcohol. If we haven’t been drinking, our livers haven’t made the necessary enzymes to detoxify alcohol.  I have heard numerous times already about well -intentioned people having side effects like vomiting, headaches, confusion, and mood swings from their nights back out. If you must drink, do so cautiously.  

Sensory overload

Being in crowds can be unnerving after so long at home. Noises that were normal before may now seem louder and more irritating.  Smells may be more bothersome, particularly cigarette smoke if you have been away from it for over a year. After viewing others as potential threats to our health, it is quite an adjustment to enjoy crowded places again. Go slowly as we are still not in the clear. Crowds may be best avoided until risks are lower.

Socializing in groups

It can be very draining when you are out of practice.  Pace yourself as you go back out and be prepared to rest after events. Most everyone is a bit more stressed out, and remember emotions are highly contagious. Limit interactions to those that feel nourishing and try to avoid the ones that drain you. 

Night driving

Night driving is far more difficult than day driving, as there are fewer visual cues. If you haven’t been driving much after dark, there may be a period of readjustment.  Start slowly and avoid the highway until you regain your confidence. 

Travel

If you haven’t done it in a while it can be very anxiety provoking. International travel is particularly challenging as there are many new rules you will have to adapt to.  Wearing a mask can be uncomfortable and add to the anxiety associated with getting back out there. 

Spending excess money

It was easy to decrease our spending during quarantine and now we are definitely seeing the pendulum swing the other way.  Make sure you are monitoring your spending and not simply getting caught up in the enthusiasm of the moment. 

Loneliness

For some, the quarantine increased time with family or loved ones as kids and other family members were home day and night. Be patient with yourself as you readjust to alone time and remember that it is important to find ways to enjoy and recharge by yourself. 

Relationship challenges

Many relationships started during the pandemic and now need to adapt. As life resumes, couples may find that their interests and energy levels don’t line up as well as they did during quarantine. Make sure to identify and communicate your needs and wants. Going through trauma can also strengthen bonds, so remember to be grateful to those who helped you get through. 

Restarting relationships 

Interacting with family or friends that you haven’t seen in over a year can be tricky. Many relationships were strained or cut off during quarantine.  We need our friends and family for support, and it is important now to reconnect. Reach out even if you haven’t in a while and meet in person again when possible. 

Going back to the office

Commuting to work feels like a chore for many.  We have become extremely used to working from home, and many have come to prefer it. However, never forget that we humans are social animals. We do lose out when we don’t interact face-to-face, so weigh your options carefully if you have them. 

Healthy eating

Eating well back in gatherings or restaurants can be very difficult.  The excitement of being back out, the alcohol, and desire to socialize make it easy to make poor food choices. Our health should remain a top priority, so try to resist the temptations and stick to a high quality, balanced food plan.

Lonely pets

Time with pets will decline as we resume a more normal life. Shelters are already preparing for returns, but fortunately most owners are keeping their pandemic pet. If you are returning to work, look for suitable options for your pet or begin training them to remain for longer and longer periods without you.  Walking your dog before you leave and when you get home is a great way to get exercise for both of you.

We must continue to remain vigilant as the pandemic is clearly not over, but we are fortunate to be resuming many activities. Be patient with yourself and others, as once again we are changing our patterns and like the wobbly runner, we may not be at our best for a while. 

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As restrictions are lifting and the streets, restaurants and events are filling back up, it is important to be especially mindful.  We have talked about Post Trauma Growth, and now is the time to ensure we emerge from the pandemic as beautiful butterflies.  

Our brains will need to change again to adapt. We can rewire our brain by actively choosing our thoughts, feelings and behaviors, and not running on autopilot.  Many of us have felt sad and anxious for a quite a while, and we must work to cultivate positive feelings such as calm, joy and optimism. Rapid environmental changes allow for neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity refers to the brain’s ability to form and reorganize synaptic connections, thus allowing us to think and feel in new ways.  

With only half the county vaccinated and the Delta variant circulating, we can’t let our guard completely down, but life is resuming rapidly and we want to be thoughtful about our reentrance. 

We must now grapple with big questions: Do we go back to the office? Can we send our kids to school? Where is it safe to travel this summer? Can I see my older relative? Or friend with a baby or toddler? What about the family member that hasn’t gotten vaccinated? How do I greet someone? Shake hands, hug, or kiss?  Or better to stay with the elbow bump or wave?

Some are eager to jump back into the deep end of the pool, while others prefer to continue to wait cautiously.  Families need to be on the same page as they assess risks and opportunities going forward, as household spread is the highest risk. Remember, the health of one of us impacts the health of all of us. 

It is time to consider what you learned during this last year. We must actively reflect on what we have been through and how we can most successfully create the “new normal.” I hope you can set aside some time to explore the following questions. You can reflect on them alone, write in your journal,  or talk with friends or family. Meditation is a great way to clear our minds of clutter and focus on the more important issues at hand. Journaling has been shown to increase physical health as well as mental health. One study showed that as little as 15-20 minutes less than once a month lowered blood pressure and improved liver functioning.  Sharing with friends or family can be a great way to reconnect after a year that for many was quite isolating.

• Did you prioritize your family more? How can you continue to spend quality time with them as other opportunities and responsibilities reemerge?

• Did you have to withdraw from friends/co-workers and family members due to the pandemic? If so, how can you re-incorporate them in your life?

• Did you spend more time caring for yourself with exercise and meditation? Can these new habits remain in place as life gets busier?  What other tools did you add to your wellness routine? 

• Did you eat better or worse in quarantine? Can you maintain the positive habits you developed as you venture back to restaurants, parties and gatherings? What healthier habits can you incorporate now? 

• What habits did you break that you are better off without?

• Has your alcohol consumption declined or increased during the pandemic? I have been hearing that many are rushing back to the bars and getting quite sick. If your liver got a break from alcohol, it won’t be prepared to handle an onslaught of drinking.  If you are returning to parties and bars, go slowly or soberly.  

• Did you neglect/decide to forgo your medical and dental care?  If so, please resume as quickly and safely as you can. Screenings such as mammographies and colonoscopies are safer to proceed with now, rather than continuing to postpone. Talk to your doctor and your dentist.  

• How did your value system shift this year?

• How can you use this trauma to appreciate life more?

Life may get very busy quickly, so try to find time to reflect on these questions and whatever else is coming up for you.  We have a unique opportunity now to unleash the potential growth following trauma and lean into a deeper appreciation of life.  

“Trauma creates change you don’t choose. Healing creates change you do choose.”

Michele Rosenthal 

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Remember FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)? That is so 2019. The pandemic cured most of us of that.  In its place, many are suffering from a new syndrome coined FOGO (Fear of Going Out).  As the vaccine roll out continues, restrictions lessen, and cases continue to decline, we face new challenges.  

We love routines.  They save valuable energy as our brain transverse the same pathway with ease. Think about a snow-covered mountain. Once you take the sled down a certain path, it is easier to go the same way. One year of confined is a long time! We created new patterns in the first 30 days, and we have now engrained them. Many people are reluctant to send their kids back to school, don’t want to return to the office and are still avoiding social situations. Many people are feeling even more anxious now as restrictions are lifting and expectations are rising. Those with pre-existing anxiety disorders may have an even more difficult time resuming routine activities.

Since the virus is still amongst us, we need to maintain caution, so some degree of FOGO is wise. But when we limit our activities too much, we create a whole new host of issues. Agoraphobia is a medical condition that has been around for years. It is described as the overwhelming fear of being in a place or situation where you feel that escape would be difficult, or where you are worried about having a panic attack. Those suffering from agoraphobia often avoid public transportation, enclosed spaces or standing in line or being in a crowd. The pandemic gave us all a taste of the agoraphobic lifestyle. It is difficult to know where exactly to draw the line right now between healthy anxiety and anxiety that becomes the disease.

If you are suffering from FOGO here are a few steps you can take:

Talk to your doctor. Ask detailed questions about what activities they recommend you resume and which you should continue to avoid. Each person should make a plan to optimize their physical and mental health while continuing to protect themselves from COVID-19.  If anxiety is becoming the main problem, psychotherapy or medication maybe helpful. 

Talk with your closest friends and see how they are choosing to resume activities. You are not alone in experiencing FOGO. 

Take deep breathes with long exhales. This breathing pattern activates our parasympathetic nervous system, and we feel calmer. We have all been under chronic stress and our sympathetic nervous system has been in overdrive.  We need to be calm to make the best decisions so our frontal lobe can be in charge rather than our primitive, fear-based brain. 

Start slowly and build confidence gradually. Resume activities where you feel the safest. The risk of transmission is remarkably low or possibly non-existent if both parties are vaccinated. Take one day at a time and try to find ways to enjoy your new ventures out. Soon our brains will adapt to the new routines and the days of COVID will recede from our thoughts. 

Respect your feelings. The closer we are to trauma, the more challenging it maybe to recover. If you suffered from COVID or a close family member or friend did, be prepared to re-emerge more slowly. Don’t feel pressured by what others are doing. Go at your own pace. Only you can decide what is the right way to move forward in these times. Don’t use drugs or alcohol to mask social anxiety. This is a common pothole and should be avoided. Embrace all your feelings even those that are uncomfortable. 

Remember that “this too shall pass.” FOGO will give rise to another yet to be name syndrome. Time is a wonderful healer, and it seems we are moving in a very positive direction. As Alexander Pope so wisely said, “hope springs eternal. Better times are ahead.   

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As the vaccine roll out continues, our confidence increases and restrictions begin to lift, we must ask ourselves how do we want to emerge? How do we bounce back from all that we have experienced this year? Will fear and anxiety continue to get the best of us? Will grief overwhelm us? Or can we emerge like beautiful butterflies from our cocoons and be even better than before? 

Large changes in lifestyle such as entering a new relationship, moving, starting a new job, or having a child create neuroplasticity in our brain, meaning it is easy to change our habits and our patterns. Emerging from quarantine and a year of fear is a big change for all of us. Some are wildly enthusiastic, and others are more hesitant to get back out there. Wherever you lie on the spectrum, it is a great time to reflect on the last year, how it has impacted you both positively and negatively, and how you can best move forward into a new unchartered world. 

Post traumatic growth (PTG) is a theory in mental health that explains a kind of transformation following trauma. It was developed by psychologists Richard Tedeschi, Ph.D., and Lawrence Calhoun, Ph.D., in the mid-1990s. They studied how people experience positive growth following adversity. “People develop new understandings of themselves, the world they live in, how to relate to other people, the kind of future they might have and a better understanding of how to live life,” said Tedeschi. One half to two thirds of individuals experiencing trauma will experience PTG. Given that the whole world has gone through this collective trauma, far better times may indeed be ahead.

We are innately wired to adapt to adversity. Humans are naturally resilient.  Experts such as Eva Selhub, M.D. (https://www.amazon.com/Resilience-Dummies-TA-TK/dp/1119773415) suggest cultivating the six pillars of resilience: 

Physical Vitality: Optimal physical and mental health allows us to deal with stress more effectively. Eating at home has improved the level of nutrition for many and made it easier to limit dessert and alcohol. Although some have put on the “COVID-19,” many have actually improved their fitness level. We have benefited by less time commuting and in traffic. There are so many innovative ways to work out. It is a great time to reflect on the lifestyle changes you have made and make sure to continue with the positive ones. 

Mental Toughness: If in 2019, I told you that you would spend next year alone or with very few people, inside your house, fearing for your life, unable to shop, travel or go to a restaurant you would have thought I lost my mind. Most of us would have thought “impossible.” Yet we did it. Many of us have learned to clean our own houses, cook our own food and do our own laundry. We have even taken over the roles of teacher, coach and playmate for our children and grandchildren. We have learned to live with far fewer pleasures. We have had to tame our anxieties. Many of us learned to meditate. Of course, it is always a work in progress, but we have come a long way in a short time. As the saying goes, “what doesn’t break you, makes you stronger.” It is important to acknowledge how strong you have become! 

Emotional Balance: Anxiety and depression were easy to fall into during the pandemic. But as we emerge we want the pendulum to swing the other way. Remember the Roaring ’20s. We must actively try to focus on positive emotions such as joy, gratitude, and optimism. The rapid development of the vaccine is certainly cause for many positive emotions. As we resume activities, we can have a greater appreciation of them. What helps you tap into these emotions and how can you do more of it? 

Loving and Strong Connections: The pandemic has dramatically altered with whom and how we interact. For some this has brought welcome change. Introverts have ruled this year as social obligations all but disappeared. Extroverts have found very creative ways to connect using technology. Many of my patients have found renewed happiness in their primary relationships as they spent far more time together. The dating scene has vastly improved for many as the options have narrowed to far more realistic levels, and many settled into more stable relationships during quarantine. It is vitally important to maintain the changes you benefited from as we reemerge.  

Spiritual Connection: Facing death helps us look at our life more analytically. What really matters? What we can live without? We have forgone so much of what we took for granted in the past. How can we reintegrate with life with a deeper appreciation? Rather than jumping back on the treadmill, try to find heightened meaning in the world you recreate. 

Become an Inspiring Leader: Let’s show ourselves and our community that we will grow from trauma and not succumb to depression, self-destruction or divisiveness. We can work together to solve the problems that the pandemic has created or shed light on. We must not shy away from the challenges we face but instead work together to create a happier and healthier future for all. In the words of Paul Wellstone, “we all do better, when we all do better.”

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

Carl Jung, Ph.D. 

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Vaccine FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)! Vaccine envy! Who ever thought that these would be emotions sweeping the world? COVID-19 has filled our lives with so many challenges, and now we are faced with a new one. Getting a vaccine appointment feels a lot like winning the lottery. At first it may have been easy to be joyful for others’ good fortune, but after weeks and now months of seeing others get vaccinated, patience can wear thin. It also creates an imbalance when one member of a “bubble” is vaccinated, and others aren’t. It can be painful to be the one who continues to miss out on activities as those around resume pleasures like seeing friends, dining out, shopping and travel. So many of us are feeling worn down from the chronic stress and are not in the best shape to deal with another issue.  Yet vaccine envy will be with us for a few more months as we continue to progress out of the pandemic.

Here are some tips if you are feeling vaccine envy:

1. Acknowledge your feelings. Sure, you want to be happy for those getting vaccinated, but it does hurt to be left behind. These feelings are real and deserve space.  Share them with a trusted friend or therapist. It is indeed quite upsetting to have to wait.  In the U.S., we are used to having speedy access to medical care. It is unfortunate that so many have to wait for such an important intervention. You have a right be upset.  

2. Express your concern to the family member or friend who is vaccinated. Discuss how it could impact your relationship and activities.

3. Focus on what you can control. Double down on efforts to not catch or spread COVID-19.  Vaccines are only one very modern way out of the pandemic. Stick to the basics so you feel a sense of control over your health destiny.

4. Take advantage of the remaining days or weeks of quarantine. What did you want to accomplish during your time of limited activity? Did you always want to play the piano? These last slower days or weeks might be a great time to try (over Zoom of course).  Have you put off cleaning your closet and organizing your drawers? There is nothing like a deadline to kick us into gear. 

5. Take your best guess for when you will be vaccinated and start to plan. What do you most look forward to when you are vaccinated? Start to make those plans for late summer and fall. 

6. Keep things in perspective. We are ALL so fortunate that a vaccine was developed so quickly. Even if the wait is a few more weeks, an end is in sight. One year ago, we had no idea what lay ahead and the uncertainty caused so much anxiety. Now we can feel hopeful that more “normal days” will be returning soon in a predictable time frame. 

7. Focus on the herd. By now we know, “we are all in this together.” Although we aren’t leaving at the exact same time, mere months will separate us. The more our friends and family get vaccinated, the safer we all are. 

8. Consider volunteering at a vaccination site. You will be helping one of the most important efforts of our time, and you will become eligible for your own vaccine sooner.  Now that’s what I call a win win! 

9. Remind yourself that “this too shall pass.”  Summer will come and access will become easier and easier with each passing week. Everyone will have access to the vaccines and gradually life will resume for all of us. The 1918 pandemic passed in two years without a vaccine and ushered in the roaring 20’s.  Better times are ahead! Do your best to stay positive and safe.  

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New Year’s 2021! We made it here. On New Year’s Day last year, very few of us had any inkling of what lay ahead. It has been an incredibly challenging year for most of the 7.6 billion people on the planet. It felt like being in a slow-motion train wreck. Experiences ranged widely depending on where you sat on the train. Uncertainly and fear were almost universal. Yet, as the 19th century German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said, “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.” So how do we face 2021 and what lies ahead?

The news will continue to focus on the negatives to scare us and raise our cortisol levels. Cortisol narrows our focus, which makes us watch more news. As Randolph Hearst discovered in the late 1800’s, “If it bleeds, it leads.”  This year has been a stunning example of this phenomenon as it has been hard to think, talk or feel much about anything else.   

And indeed “the darkest hour is just before the dawn.” We are currently in the riskiest part of the pandemic and we must remain vigilant! We cannot lose focus.  Don’t give in to COVID-19 complacency. Remain cautious. As we enter 2021, we know so much more about the virus than we did mere months ago. We can begin to see our way out of the darkness as 2021 is taking shape.

In March, I wrote to you that we needed to stay inside, follow the advice of the CDC and wait for our scientists and medical professionals to find a way out of this pandemic. Two vaccines making their way through development to distribution this rapidly is a miracle of modern medicine. The enthusiasm amongst the medical community is palpable, and it is so heartening that the heroes of this pandemic are already being vaccinated. Two million of the four million doses given worldwide were to healthcare providers in the U.S. We can now track the hopeful number of people vaccinated alongside those who have become infected or died. https://ourworldindata.org/covid-vaccinations

Think about what you will do when you receive your vaccine. The 1918 pandemic gave rise to the Roaring Twenties. What is next for our civilization? Can we emerge from our cocoons after months of struggle like beautiful butterflies? Reflect on how you matured this year. What have you learned to value more? What have you been able to let go? What can you do better now? Actively focusing on the positives while not denying the negatives will allow for a better transition to 2021.

We are innately wired to adapt to adversity and therefore resilient. The key is to be able to tap into this wiring by developing behaviors, habits and strategies that support us.

Post traumatic growth (PTG) is a theory in mental health that explains a kind of transformation following trauma. It was developed by psychologists Richard Tedeschi, Ph.D. and Lawrence Calhoun, Ph.D. in the mid-1990s. They have studied how people experience positive growth following adversity. “People develop new understandings of themselves, the world they live in, how to relate to other people, the kind of future they might have and a better understanding of how to live life,” said Tedeschi. One half to two thirds of individuals experiencing trauma will experience PTG. Given that the whole world has gone through this collective trauma, far better times may indeed be ahead.

Resilience experts such as Eva Selhub, M.D. (https://www.amazon.com/Resilience-Dummies-TA-TK/dp/1119773415) suggest cultivating the six pillars of resilience:

Physical Vitality: Our health has most certainly been at the forefront of our minds throughout most of 2020. Optimal physical and mental health allows us to deal with stress more effectively. Eating at home has improved the level of nutrition for many and made it easier to limit dessert and alcohol. Exercise is often easier to do in groups or classes (thanks to our mirror neurons) so for many, their fitness level may have declined. It is vital to move more as we emerge from our confinement. We must continue to focus on optimizing our health: 2020 brought into sharp focus the importance of health. Without it, little else matters.

Mental Toughness: If on last New Year’s Day, I told you that you would spend the year alone or with very few people, inside your house and unable to shop, travel or go to a restaurant you would have thought I lost my mind. Most of us would feel that would have been impossible. Yet, we did it. Many of us have learned to clean our own houses, cook our own food and do our own laundry. One friend even learned to play the cello over Zoom. We have adapted to living with far fewer pleasures. We have cultivated multiple ways to tame our anxieties. Of course, it is always a work in progress, but we have come a long way in a short time.

Emotional Balance: Anxiety and depression were easy to fall into in 2020. But as we emerge, the pendulum will swing the other way. We must actively focus on positive emotions such as joy, gratitude, and optimism.

What are you hopeful for? I can’t wait to get my vaccine and get on a plane to see my family. I am incredibly grateful for our medical community who has tolled to keep us safe and restore our health in countless ways. Vaccines offer the brightest hope for our future and the countless people behind the scenes working on distribution will be the heroes of 2021. I am also grateful that after months of hearing about the possibility of a civil war, it appears we are rapidly approaching a successful transfer of power.

Loving and Strong Connections:The pandemic has dramatically altered with whom and how we interact.  For many this has brought welcome change.  Introverts have ruled this year as social obligations have all but disappeared.  Extroverts have found very creative ways to connect using technology. Many of my patients have found renewed happiness in their primary relationships as they have the opportunity to spend far more time together. The dating scene, which was spiraling out of control, has vastly improved for many as the options have narrowed to more realistic levels.  People are coupling again, which bring hope for a more stable future.

Spiritual Connection: Facing death helps us look at our life from a very different perspective. Why are we here? What really matters? What we can live without? We have forgone so much of what we took for granted in the past. How can we reintegrate with life with a deeper appreciation recognizing that every day is a gift?

Become an Inspiring Leader: Once again, I am asking Beverly Hills Courier readers to be the light. We can grow from trauma, not succumb to depression, self-destruction or divisiveness. We must continue to care for ourselves, our families and our community. We must work together to ensure a brighter and safer future for all.

Wishing you a safe, happy and healthy 2021.

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

Carl Jung, Ph.D.

The post Hope and Resilience in 2021 appeared first on Beverly Hills Courier.

This holiday season will present us with a unique opportunity to find cheer in new places. Our brains love patterns and it is easy to repeat the same or similar events each year and many of us have been doing just that. But like the rest of 2020, this holiday season will need to be reimagined. Years and even decades of tradition will need to be broken as we look to the CDC https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/daily-life-coping/holidays.html and California Health Department Covid19.ca.gov for new guidelines.

In 2020, our year of “perfect vision,” nothing looked like we expected. We had to learn to adapt very rapidly and to “build it as we sail.” Historians and psychologists will look back to see how we honored this special time of year during a pandemic.

Here are a few tips to help you find cheer in a very odd year:

Embrace Change: This year will be one of a kind. Gatherings will be smaller, and distance may need to be maintained. Be creative and try to find ways to make the new format fun. Take a family walk before gathering for turkey or the other festivities. Meeting during the day and limiting alcohol intake can also assist in making sure everyone stays safe.

Be Realistic: Travel restrictions will dramatically alter the next several weeks and months. Trips are cancelled and gatherings have shrunk. End of the year bonuses may be lower or non-existent. You might not look as good as you would like to but that most likely isn’t a top priority in this pandemic. Cut yourself some slack. This too shall pass.

Reprioritize: This year you will not be running from store to store or party to party.  Instead, you will find yourself surrounded by fewer friends and family. Some may even be alone to optimally protect their health. The holidays will be about depth not breadth, quality not quantity. Remember these changes can lead to growth so welcome them.

Say No: Less is definitely more in 2020. Health matters most. Many invitations may have to go unaccepted this year. It is not a time to overeat or drink too much. Keep your immune system strong and limit your exposure to others.

With lines between home and work even more eroded than in the past, it is important to take a break for the holidays. Even though you aren’t traveling, you can still disconnect from work. Set up a schedule and stick to it making sure you take plenty of time off. Creativity and productivity will be enhanced in 2021 if we come in rested and recharged.

Acknowledge Your Negative Emotions:  We can’t pretend that 2020 was a great year. It was filled with challenges, disappointments and grief on unprecedented scale. If you try to deny negative emotions, they continue to pop up. If you can give them time and space to be felt, you will find they diminish in intensity. Let yourself feel the sadness for those lost this year or in previous years. Be open about missing those that can’t be with you due to travel or other restrictions. Let yourself experience the disappointment about your holiday travel plans that you can’t embark on. Allow yourself to feel your feelings. You may elect to share them with someone close to you, a therapist or your journal. To paraphrase Carl Jung, “what we resist, persists” so don’t try to hide from your negative emotions.

Unify: Let’s put politics aside for the holiday season as best we can. In 2021 and beyond, we must work together to create a better world for ourselves, our children and our grandchildren. Let’s celebrate that democracy has prevailed no matter which side we were on. The legendary University of Michigan football coach Bo Schembechler said, “the team, the team, the team.”  We are all on team U.S.A.  Or take it even further, and in the words of Albert Einstein, “A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe. Our task must be to free ourselves…by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”

Find Joy: Often times, we find real happiness in smaller moments and experiences. For many, this time of year is filled with so much stress that it can be hard to carve out moments of joy. As we may be less busy this year, might we find even more joy?

Joy can only be experienced in the present moment. Tap into all your senses.  Cherish those who can still gather at your table. If you find yourself alone, embrace that experience.  For it is only when we become truly comfortable in our own presence, that we can receive the greatest gifts life has to offer.

Focus on Meaning: Thanksgiving so often becomes about food and fun and we forget to take stock and be grateful. This year we have the opportunity to approach the holiday differently. We can choose to celebrate our accomplishments as we have learned to work at home, cook more and find ways to connect to others using technology. We have become more resilient and many have gained confidence as they faced this historic challenge. When we are reminded of death daily, we can learn to appreciate life more fully and not take any day for granted.

Hanukkah, Christmas and Kwanzaa have become so much about the celebration and gift giving that the meaning may have gotten obscured. Let’s shop less yet give more. This year we may decide to give from our hearts.  Cook or bake for others. Make home crafts. Connect on Zoom or in ways and with people that we didn’t in prior years. In the words of Mother Theresa, “It’s not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.”

New Year’s Eve is always a time of reflection and hope for the future. Most of us will be glad to see 2020 in the rearview mirror. We will have better skills and hopefully less anxiety moving into 2021. We have gained wisdom that will help us navigate more efficiently in this turbulent water. With a vaccine on the horizon, we can anticipate a brighter future. We must remain patient, diligent, creative, resilient and optimistic. We can strive to fill our days with hope and purpose.

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. Wishing
you happiness.”

Helen Keller

We here in Beverly Hills are a small community but the world is always looking to us as a beacon.  We must show them that we can rise above our challenging circumstances and experience joy as we reflect on and celebrate the true meaning of this very special time of year.

Wishing you peace and love in this holiday season and beyond.

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“Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.” Aristotle 

For months, we have been living in fear. We have been sheltering in place and many have seen friends and family get ill. Over 380,000 people have died. We have experienced a wide range of emotions as we shifted from fear to hope and back again. We have felt grief stricken, scared, isolated, sad, bored, frustrated, hopeless, claustrophobic and worried. At other times, we have found connection, creativity, joy and humor in these months at home. 

Just as we are preparing to emerge from our battle against an invisible enemy, we find ourselves on a new battlefield against injustice. This one, in stark contrast, is unfolding right before our eyes in our front yard, in Beverly Hills. 

Cities around the U.S. and even around the world are enraged about the killing of George Floyd. His death has struck a universal chord with words that align closely with our fears of the last many months, “I can’t breathe.” Thousands have put aside their fear of COVID-19 and are taking to the streets. Mass protests are occurring over police brutality and racial inequity. 

Unlike the L.A. riots surrounding the Rodney King incident, which were local and organic movements, what is happening now is a global phenomenon. We learned from COVID-19 that “we are all in this together” and the protests and riots are no exception. 

The world has changed. The power of the internet and social media to connect us is unlike any transformation civilization has ever experienced. We can no longer look away from the problems surrounding us. Just as the #MeToo movement demanded our attention, #BlackLivesMatter has captured our attention at this important moment in our history as we try to recover from a pandemic. We have a perfect storm of events leading to this boiling point. 

As we watch images of protests turned violent on the news, we may find ourselves feeling many of the same emotions that we had with the start of the COVID-19 crisis. Our nervous systems are again under assault and our sympathetic responses are in overdrive. Our “fight, flight, or freeze” reaction has been reactivated. Last time, we collectively “froze” as we were instructed that this was our safest option. 

The switch has been flicked and now “fight” response seems to be the reaction taking center stage. Images on the news trigger our own mirror neurons, and we may feel angry. Remember your mirror neurons are the portion of your brain that fire in response to what you see. Emotions are contagious and spread rapidly in groups. We have gone from months of catching and spreading fear to a week of catching a close cousin of fear – anger. Anger is a natural response to injustice, and we are deep in it now. 

Just as with the COVID-19 crisis, the answers aren’t immediately clear. In a few months, we have learned so much. Armed with tools such as social distancing, handwashing and wearing masks, we can move towards “a new normal”. 

Unlike the COVID-19 crisis, the issues leading to our current situation are rooted in hundreds and even centuries of history and will not be untangled so quickly. My hope it that we can take advantage of this unique moment in time when our brains are very changeable (neuroplastic). We are not doing anything the way we used to so we have an opportunity to be more focused and creative in the way we address these longstanding societal woes. 

First, we must try to regain a sense of calm so we can activate our frontal lobes where complex problem solving occurs. “Fight, flight or freeze” will do nothing to solve the longstanding issues of racial injustice impacting our country. These deep- seated issues require complex solutions at the individual, local, state and national levels. We must again bring together the best minds to work collaboratively to solve them and ease the anger in our country. We are at a tipping point. Years of divisiveness and over-simplistic thinking have led us to the brink. Change must occur and the time is now. 

As the noted public health expert Samuel Crumbine said, “the health of each of us depends on the health of all of us.” In simultaneously unfolding situations, we are being given the chance to show that we can embrace this vital lesson. 

A large segment of the population is angry and that can no longer be ignored. When their anger is heard, the situation can begin to be defused. In some cases, around the country, the simple act of the police or national guard dropping to one knee communicates volumes. As tensions are relieved, healing begins. Peaceful protests with participants wearing masks and maintaining optimal distance show the world we can embrace change.

Here are constructive steps we should take right now: 

Each of us must do our part to learn how to manage our own anger at the situation. As with any emotion, we must allow it to surface. 

We should find a safe place to explore our feelings of anger. Put emotions into words if possible. Speak with a friend, family member or therapist, or write them down. 

Psychologist Carl Jung contended that “what you resist not only persists but will grow in size.” Today we often hear this viewpoint shortened to “what you resist persists.” Once you have identified your anger, reflect on what precipitated it. 

Try to be specific about what the triggers are. Remember that hurt and fear give rise to anger so allow yourself to experience those emotions as well. 

We must actively decide how to constructively manage our anger. Anger can be a very important and productive emotion when channeled properly but can also create tremendous harm.

Knowing you are not alone in your pain has tremendous healing powers. Coming together in groups such as the peaceful protestors have done, creates hope for a brighter future. 

Social media has become a common place to go to express anger but must be carefully managed. Innumerable problems can arise from posting with heightened emotions. By removing mirror neurons from the interaction and not seeing the response of the other, misunderstandings and excess rage and even cruelty can occur. 

Contact your legislatures. In the last crisis, we were at the mercy of our health care workers and we rallied behind them and supported them. With the current tension, we must work within the democratic framework to affect change. Express your viewpoint in a thoughtful way and share with local and national authorities. 

Discharge your rage through vigorous exercise. If your body is geared up to fight a perceived threat, channel that energy into working out. Exercise triggers the release of endorphins and we will feel better after. As our access to gyms is still limited, a walk, run or bike ride will be the best option. 

Restore your sense of well-being by resting and eating well. Activities such as meditation, yoga and deep breathing will also help you feel calm and move out of an angry state. Simple techniques like counting to ten can have a big benefit by activating your frontal lobe. 

Remove the focus from your agitated internal state and care for others. Remember we are still in a pandemic so there are countless ways to help such as bringing food to a neighbor or healthcare worker. Caring for others personally or through financial donations can help you feel better and regain a sense of calm. When you feel better, you can move towards finding a solution to complex problems at hand. 

Remember that trauma can also bring growth. Albert Einstein said, “In the middle of every difficulty, lies opportunity.” We are starting to see much of the positive growth from the COVID-19 crisis as scientists around the world collaborate in unprecedented ways, families come back together, and our environment gets to “breathe.” Similarly, we must learn lessons from our current challenges and move toward a society that upholds the rights of all its citizens. 

It is up to each of us, to ensure that we seize the opportunity to emerge from yet another crisis stronger, wiser and kinder both as individuals and as a society as a whole. I continue to wish you well as we journey together through yet another historic moment in time. 

The post A Crisis of Anger appeared first on Beverly Hills Courier.

Anxiety is rampant and we must all do our best to cope during this challenging time. Here are a few tips that I hope will help you cope. 

Stay inside if you can. Our anxiety is a warning system and right now we need it to keep us safe. Heed the warning. 

Make sure you are getting enough rest. Sleep is the base of the wellness pyramid. Some find it helpful to stick to a routine. Others are worn out from the worry and need more time in bed. 

Eat fruits and vegetables in a balanced fashion. Avoid empty calories. Talk to your doctor about vitamins or other supplements. Stay properly hydrated. 

Eliminate or keep alcohol to a minimum. 

Make sure you are getting enough information to stay safe and follow the advice 

of experts. Then turn off the news. Same advice for financial worries. 

Although for most of us, we can’t work out the way we used to, we must find safe alternatives. Use YouTube and Instagram to help you find ways of staying fit in your own home. Ask friends for tips and consider sharing work out time with friends via Zoom or FaceTime. 

Reach out to friends, family and your community. Use this time to tell people how important they are to you. Companies are setting up Zoom meetings and people are connecting in creative ways. 

It is necessary to let our feelings out alone or with a friend, family member or professional. A wide variety of emotions are coming up and they shift throughout the day. Many therapists are available for online consultation. Limit the number of people you interact with that will distress you. 

Be kinder than ever. Help a neighbor, friend or local organization but maintain everyone’s safety as a top priority. Donate to an organization. Use Charity Navigator to guide you or consider Global Giving and Relief International. When we help others, we also help ourselves. 

Meditate. You can begin very simply with an app called Headspace or Calm. You can Google “Five Minute Meditation” on YouTube or any length you desire. 

Humans are designed to connect via touch so being apart is unnatural. We secrete oxytocin when we touch and it promotes our health. You can release your own oxytocin by wrapping yourself in a warm blanket, bath or shower. Hugging a pet has the same effect. 

We can counteract our distress over our loss of control by straightening up what we can. Completing tasks gives your brain a boost of dopamine so even simple tasks can give us a quick boost. It is a great time to clean and organize your home. You may find your concentration is decreased so be realistic in your expectations of yourself. 

Create new routines. For example, exercise at the same time each day. Try to be productive during certain hours and relax at other times. Eat at similar times each day. We must strive for a “new normal” as we spend our days at home. 

Engage in positive activities. Read a book. Listen to soft music. Dim the lights. Watch the sunset or be in nature if you can do so safely. Watch a TedTalk. Brush up on a foreign language. Take a deep breath. Journal. Puzzles, games, cooking, magazines, and humor all provide much needed respite from the stress. 

Avoid big decisions right now. Your thinking might not be the clearest due to the excess cortisol. 

Try to stay away from conflicting with others. We need one another now more than ever. If you lose your cool, forgive yourself and make amends. 

Think about and express gratitude. In these challenging times, we most focus on what we are grateful for. Express gratitude to those around you as it will lift their mood as well. 

Right now it seems that these times will never pass, but they will. We are a remarkably strong and resilient community. We must support each and every one of us and we will find a path out of this darkness. Keep hopeful and enjoy the small blessing within each day. Try to laugh, enjoy your food and connect with those you love for in the end, that is clearly what matters most. 

The post Tips for Coping During the COVID-19 Crisis appeared first on Beverly Hills Courier.

What a few weeks this has been, as we all try to digest the news about the spread of the new Coronavirus, also known as COVID-19. People around the globe are united in their fear. In my psychiatry practice and among my friends and family, the anxiety is palpable. The dramatic fall of the stock market is a manifestation of our shared concern. Most of us, even if only for a brief moment, entertained that we could die from it. On one hand, this seems irrational given that there have been fewer than 4,000 deaths out of 7.7 billion people. On the other hand, it is a window into our shared humanity. The death of one us impacts all of us. It also provides us an opportunity to see how our brains work, so we will be better able to understand our fears, learn to cope better, and make better decisions in the face of COVID-19 and other threats. 

Our brains are wired to look for danger. Our prehistoric ancestors who survived were the ones who were best at spotting danger. The first ones to see the lion and run were the most likely to survive. 

Those ancestors passed their genes on to us and we can’t help but look for danger everywhere we go. When we spot it, our primitive “fight or flight” response kicks in. This week, our sympathetic nervous systems, responsible for our “fight or flight” responses, have been collectively in overdrive. 

As we have been consuming news of the Coronavirus, our bodies are secreting cortisol that drives our “fight or flight” response. Cortisol causes us to hyper- focus and makes it harder to look away from the potential threat. 

This hyper-focus is crucial in times of crisis. If a saber-tooth tiger is standng in front of you, you had better focus and run as if nothing else in the world matters. But if real danger is not present, we may become obsessed with the wrong things. If fear doesn’t have the proper target, it can become anxiety and paranoia. If you see danger on the other side of the world, the fight response isn’t helpful and your brain can get confused. And that is exactly what is happening right now. 

We are halfway through one of the deadliest flu seasons, in the last decade, and yet few of us missed a beat. We paid very little attention to the risks and took almost no special precautions. In fact, less than half of us even got the flu shot. Just now with over 100 cases of Novel Coronavirus in the U.S., some are having nightmares and others are waking up in the middle of the night. The stock market was down five days n a row at a rate similar to the crash in 2008, and events around the world are being canceled in anticipation of the spread. 

In our increasingly interconnected world with a 24-hour news cycle, it is hard for us to put the risks into proper perspective. Our primitive brain kicks in and the threat of Coronavirus looms large. When we try to problem-solve while our sympathetic nervous system is in overdrive, we fail unless the answer is quite simple: RUN! 

Instead we need to activate our frontal lobe to properly think through the threat and decide the right course of action. This requires us to calm our primitive brain. COVID-19 will be beat like the previous threats before it by the best minds in the world working together to understand the virus, develop medications to treat it, and vaccines to prevent it. 

We must all do our part to prevent spread. We can best do this by remaining calm and following instructions from the experts. The Center for Disease Control (CDC) www.cdc.gov/COVID19 and the World Health Organization (WHO) https://www.who.int/emergencies/diseases/novel-coronavirus-2019 will inform all us how to properly prepare for the possibility of COVID-19 in our area. 

Being prepared is an important way to quell anxiety as it in fact increases your chances for survival. How can you make sure your immune system is in optimal shape? Sleep, nutrition and exercise are the basic ingredients. Talk to your doctor about vitamins or other supplements. If experts are calling for us to have two weeks of medication and food on hand, heed their advice. Yesterday I learned that singing the Happy Birthday song to yourself is a good way to gauge if you are spending long enough washing your hands (about 20 seconds). 

There is much to be learned from this current challenge, not only on a public health level but on your personal health level. We need to learn to stay calm even in the face of fear. 

To do so, we need to stimulate the opposite of our fight or fight response that the news and our imagination is triggering. We must invoke our parasympathetic response nicknamed our “tend and befriend” or “rest and digest” response. These catchy phrases will give you a good clue on how to activate them. Tend to yourself and others. Talk to a friend. Hug a family member or your pet. Grab a bite to eat, preferably something that will properly nourish you. Take a few minutes to breathe deeply. Take a warm bath or shower. Nap! Check in with yourself after these activities and see if the threat seems a bit more remote. 

It is always important to observe what comes up for you. Take some quiet time and allow yourself to feel your anxiety. How is it connected to the Novel Coronavirus? How is it connected to past issues? One friend mentioned that this current scare triggers the anxiety he has carried since childhood when he lost a parent at an early age. How do you typically deal with anxiety? How can you use this opportunity to learn to deal with it more effectively? Perhaps this is a good time to begin a yoga or meditation practice if you haven’t already. 

If we pull the lens out even further, we can learn more. We can see that our future success and failures lies in embracing our shared humanity. Air travel and the Internet have flattened our world and we must see that we are all part of one humankind. The greatest challenges that lie ahead, such as climate change, economic stability and disease spread, cannot be solved regionally. We must all think globally while continuing to act locally. COVID-19 is simply a reminder that what is a threat to one of us, is a threat to all of us. We must unite in our efforts to care for ourselves and others. 

I am confident that we will prevail by finding ways to contain this virus and minimize the loss of human life as we have so effectively with the challenges in the past. Do your part by staying informed, being prepared and learning how to be calm in the face of real and anticipated adversity. 

The post Our Brains on Coronavirus appeared first on Beverly Hills Courier.

Hello Beverly Hills. Today is a day to celebrate love. If we broaden our focus from romantic love to all love including self-love, surely we can all find a way to participate. 

Valentine’s Day originated as far back as 496 AD in honor of one or possibly two saints, Saint Valentine of Rome, along with Saint Valentine of Terni. In the late 1300s, Chaucer first linked the holiday to romantic love and in the late 1700s the focus became the expression of love thorough poetry. Since then, the tradition of giving cards and candies has flourished. In 2017, over 190 million greeting cards were exchanged. If you include the ones given by children in school or over the internet, the number is most likely close to one billion. 

Over the last few decades, social norms have changed radically and now there are almost as many people single as married in the U.S. Not surprisingly, our relationship with Valentine’s Day is also changing. 

Galentine’s Day was ushered into pop culture in 2010, when the TV series “Parks and Recreation” celebrated it on Feb. 13 as a day to honor our closest girlfriends. Even more inclusive is Palentine’s Day, when we celebrate not only our girlfriends but our male friends, as well. 

So, what will you do today? When we pull the lens back and look at today as a day to honor all of our important relationships, hopefully we can all find a way to make the day joyful. Love is one of the most positive and powerful emotions we can feel, so why not relish the opportunity today presents? 

It is a time to reflect on those closest to you, a romantic partner, friends, family and children and express your positive feelings. How can you best show them that you love, value and cherish them? Author Gary Chapman, PhD. in “The 5 Love Languages”, describes different ways in which love can be expressed: receiving gifts, quality time, 

words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch. These can easily be adapted to non-romantic relationships as well. Make sure that you understand your love language as well as the receivers. The choices for you to express your affection today are almost limitless when you begin to think about these diverse categories. 

According to the Dalai Lama, “If you don’t love yourself, you can’t love others.” So today is also an opportunity to reflect on self-love. In our hypercritical society, we can easily lose sight of our own worth. If you want to embrace this holiday, make sure you take care of yourself by having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. If you are feeling rested and happy, you are far more likely to give to those around you. Remember emotions are contagious. If you want to express love, you have to feel love and why not start with yourself then radiate it out to those around you. When you share this potent emotion with the right person, you are sure to get it back in return, making this a very special day indeed. 

The post Happy Valentine’s Day, Galentine’s Day, and Palentine’s Day appeared first on Beverly Hills Courier.

We are just a few weeks into the new year/new decade and already I am finding it difficult to adhere to some of my resolutions, such as minimizing screen time as suggested in my last article. In case you are also struggling, I thought I would share some insights from my neuroscientist colleagues to help you along the way. 

First and foremost, we must accept that our brains can be “lazy.” You probably never thought of your brain that way. Some of us may not even think about our brains much at all. But if we do, understanding our thought processes can help make life easier, more productive and more fun. In fact, thinking about your brain and how it works is now quite popular and has spawned a whole new field called “Mindfulness” which means knowing one’s mind and stepping outside of it to be able to observe your thoughts and feeling. 

Our brains were designed and evolved in times of scarcity. Food was hard to find, and energy had to be conserved. Brains are very energy intensive meaning it takes a lot to keep them running. In fact, about 20 percent of our calories go to nourishing our brains. So, our default mode is to conserve. 

Did you ever wonder why picking up a long book feels so daunting? Your brain most likely is in conflict. One part is saying “Great, this looks interesting, I can probably learn something new which is exciting so let’s go.” The other part is like “Hey, that’s long. Do you know how much energy that will take? That magazine looks cool!” 

Same with exercise. My yoga instructor often says the hardest part of class is getting there. My “lazy” brain doesn’t seem so lazy when it comes to thinking up excuses. “I went yesterday.” “It probably it won’t be such a good class.” “I already did a lot today and I can go tomorrow.” 

If you listen to your “lazy” brain you will make lots of choices that ultimately don’t serve you. Don’t chastise yourself for these thoughts. They are totally normal. They are just your brain doing what it’s designed to do. Save energy. And you know what else saves energy, speed! The faster the better for your brain. The quicker something is to process, the more your brain experiences it as rewarding because it saved energy. Knowing this tidbit, you can understand yourself and others so much better. 

Why has texting replaced calling and emailing? It’s easier and quicker for your brain to process. Why is smooth clear skin perceived as prettier? Same reason. How did Instacart become an $8 billion business in only seven years? Why did Lyft and Uber replace taxis so easily? Online news replace print? Why is Xanax more addicting than Valium? Hard alcohol more than wine? Why is smoking marijuana more addicting than using it other ways? Why is internet pornography so addicting? Our brain perceives faster as better and perceives all these things as more rewarding. 

In our hectic 24/7 world, we must actively try to cultivate the opposite of speed. Slow down, relax, think things through. Make choices that may seem hard, but that will serve you better in the long run. Faster may seem better to your “lazy brain” but it probably isn’t the right choice for YOU. 

So, in short (lol, your “lazy brain” is smiling), don’t judge yourself for struggling with your New Year’s Resolution. Change is hard. It requires effort and new learning. Our brain is naturally going to resist it. The next time you start to falter on your New Year’s resolution or any of your goals, please acknowledge your ancient programming. Then learn not to always believe it. 

Change is good! We made those resolutions for a reason and it is probably wise to double down on our efforts and honor them. For most of us in Beverly Hills and beyond, we are not living in scarcity so we can push through and use our energy wisely to create a better world for ourselves, our loved ones and the community around us. 

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My best advice for 2020 is very simple. Use your mirror neurons. 

We are about to leave a decade historians will likely look back on as one of the most transformative in human history. We are deep into the Fourth Industrial Revolution and the shifts that have occurred are tectonic and have been incredibly rapid. 

The Fourth Industrial Revolution refers to the radical changes in the way we live brought about by the Internet and Digitalization. The first Industrial Revolution was brought about by mechanization which allowed industry to replace agriculture. The Second, by electrification and the production line; and the Third, by nuclear energy and the rise of electronics. 

The Revolution we are in now is massive, impacting every aspect of our lives. As we leave this decade I suggest we pause and reflect on the way we are living and decide how to make the most of the process. 

For a quick overview of some of the changes in the last decade, let’s consider the following: 

Societal Changes 

The 2017 U.S. census reported 55 percent of adults were married. By comparison, over 72 percent of the population was married in 1960. Thirty-nine percent of relationships in heterosexual couples started online according to one 2017 survey. Twenty-three percent of millennials live at home. This number is up from 13.5 percent of young adults living at home in 2005. 

Digital Distractions 

Hardly anyone smiles on the street, says hello or holds a door open, not because we are ruder but because our attention is elsewhere. Many people are walking the streets in their own world in isolation with ear buds being the only clue that are not talking to themselves. 

Worse still, drivers are in their own world and checked out of their surroundings. Car accidents are up due to texting while driving. One out of every five car accidents in the U.S. is attributed to distraction. 

Texting while driving is six times more likely to cause an accident than driving drunk. Answering a text takes away your attention for about five-seconds. Traveling at 55 mph, that’s enough time to travel the length of a football field. 

Sixteen-year-olds are no longer rushing to get their driver’s license. What was formerly an eagerly awaited step towards independence is now being postponed. Lyft, Uber and other ride-sharing services allow us to continue texting for more of our day. 

Self-reported rates of life satisfaction have decreased by six percent in the U.S. from 2007 to 2018. Rates of mental illness have skyrocketed, especially for digital natives, those who have grown up in the digital era. One out of five college students suffers from anxiety or depression. Deaths by opiate overdose have more than doubled in the last decade. 

Globally, politics have become more divisive. I believe this phenomenon is also attributable to the influence of technology. As our brains are on information overload, we look for simple answers. Since we have bathed them in a constant stream of cortisol (our stress hormone), our responses are often paranoid. It becomes an us versus them universe. 

Moreover, as so much information is transmitted in writing and not in person, it is much easier to say and believe derogatory remarks on Twitter and other social media platforms than in person. 

Outlook is Positive 

Before you plummet into a depression by reading this article, let me flip the coin. There are many upsides to the Fourth Industrial Revolution: 

• Many people are living more active and productive lives into their 80s and 90s due to their increased ability to stay connected and to obtain better medical information. 

• Mindfulness is on the rise and more people are meditating with one study showing that over 14 percent of Americans have meditated in the last year. 

• Charitable giving, which has increased almost every year since 1977, has continued to rise. 

• Social Media has given voice to individuals or organizations which focus on specific social issues, such as #MeToo, #BlackLivesMatter and #TimesUp. 

• Entrance exam scores to colleges and universities have increased as we truly are becoming more knowledgeable as a nation. The number of perfect ACT scores is an astounding six times higher than it was eight years ago. 

• Online college and university education enrollment is growing by leaps and bounds. Online learning and degrees are more acceptable in the workplace. This provides accesses to knowledge to unprecedented number of college and high school students, people over 55, and those who may not be physically able to attend brick and mortar institutions. 

Additionally, some of the most prestigious colleges in the world, including Brown, Harvard, MIT, Stanford, Yale, Columbia, and the University of California offer free courses online. 

As we turn the page on this decade, my hope is that we can gain perspective and make sure that these massive changes proceed in the best way possible with the fewest casualties. 

As technology entices us into a new world, we must be mindful of the pull. We were designed to interact face to face. Our brains have mirror neurons. These neurons are designed to fire when we SEE someone doing or feeling something. Our brains 

naturally synchronize with one another. These mirror neurons allow us to imitate and empathize which leads to learning, compassion and care. 

Scientists believe it was a massive expansion in the number of mirror neurons in our brains around 40,000 years ago that allowed the development of civilizations. We learned to cooperate with one another and from there language, tool use, and art began to flourish. As we could feel one another’s feelings, it became natural to want to help one another. Man became kind. 

If we remove mirror neurons from our interactions, we are losing our essence and my best advice for obtaining “perfect vision” in 2020, is look up! Make eye contact and smile. 

Think about the lyrics sung by greats from Louis Armstrong to Rufus Wainwright, “When you’re smilin’…the whole world smiles with you.” Thanks to our mirror neurons, that is. 

Lets remember our origins and fill our lives with kindness. Be kind to those around you and be kind to yourself. 

Be kind to the planet and the environment as it desperately needs us. Be mindful about phone time and digital etiquette. 

We are creating incredible tools and we must use them wisely. My wish for you is that the next year and decade will bring deeper sense of purpose and connection as we learn to integrate all that is new with all that makes humanKIND. 

The post Reflections for a New Decade and Beyond appeared first on Beverly Hills Courier.

Below are some suggestions for dealing with the excess pressure this time of year brings and to help you reclaim the joy of the season. 

1. Try Not to Sacrifice Sleep 

It’s difficult to enjoy anything when you are tired. Dealing with excess traffic, financial worries and families coming together is stressful enough when you are rested. When you are worn down, tempers can flare more easily and the joy of the season will be missed. It is important to prioritize so you can get the most out of the activities you choose and not try to do everything. I often remind myself that less is more. Perfection doesn’t exist. Cut yourself a bit of slack when it comes to setting the table, writing holiday cards, finding the right gift, looking a certain way for an event and the list goes on. 

2. Eat Right 

Cakes and other sweets are so easy to overdue this time of year. In small amounts they may increase the enjoyment of the holidays but in excess they can lead to unintended consequences such as difficulty sleeping, weight gain and feeling sluggish. Alcohol in excess can lead to even more significant troubles so if you do drink, make sure it is kept to a minimum so the holidays don’t end up in a blur or worse. 

3. Exercise 

It is ironic that at this joyous time of year, we often are too busy to engage in an activity that is sure to make us happy: exercise. Time may be short but keeping to your work out or walking routine remains as vital as always and maybe more so since stress is higher. When you exercise, your body releases chemicals called endorphins. Endorphins trigger a positive feeling in the body and interact with the receptors in your brain. If you have guests in town, perhaps they would like to exercise with you or just take a pleasant walk. One simple tip is to park at the far end of the lot and get in extra steps as you complete your holiday shopping. 

4. Be Mindful 

Manage expectations. It’s easy during the holidays to compare one year to the next and this often leads to disappointment. Trying to shift your perspective to one of gratitude for what you have instead of focusing on what you don’t have. Stay in the present moment and breathe. Holidays are a great time to take a digital detox and personally connect to those around you. Taking breaks from social media, phone and computer time can be refreshing. 

5. Give! 

Volunteering is rewarding any time of the year and many people enjoy it even more around the holidays. Feeding the homeless, dropping off toys or visiting those in need that might be in a nursing home or hospital can lift our mood and often gives us the perspective we need to be more appreciative of our own lives. 

6. Set Aside Time to Relax 

As hectic as you may be, it’s important to carve out some downtime. Taking a bath, reading a good book, meditation and yoga are all good ways to counteract the overstimulation we often feel, especially leading up to the holidays. 

7. Share Your Feelings. 

If you feel joyful and grateful, make sure you express it. 

If holidays are a distressing time for you, try to find a support system to share your feelings. Maybe a friend or family member can provide an ear. If that doesn’t feel helpful, perhaps a trained professional would be a better option. It is very common to miss a loved one or loved ones who can’t be with you due to geography or death. It is important to acknowledge these feelings and find a way to honor the person or persons you miss. Lighting a candle, eating their favorite food or attending a religious service may help ease the pain. 

8. Take a Break from Work. 

The holidays are a unique time of year and a time of bonding, reflection and joy. Make sure you are grabbing as many of those moments as possible as the time will pass fast. Soon we will be off to the races in 2020…and making New Year’s resolutions! 

Wishing you all a joyous holiday season. 

The post Tips for Managing Holiday Stress appeared first on Beverly Hills Courier.

Dr. Ritvo is the former Chair of Psychiatry and Behavioral Medicine at Mount Sinai Medical Center and the former Vice Chair of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at the Miller School of Medicine at the University of Miami. She’s a Distinguished Fellow of the American Psychiatry Association and a member of the American College of Psychiatrists. Dr. Ritvo received her undergraduate and medical degrees from UCLA, and psychiatry residency training at Weill Cornell Medicine. 

Hello Beverly Hills. A few months ago, I invited Courier readers to Bekindr. Now, with fall upon us and days beginning to get shorter, it seems like a great time to slow down a bit. We all need to reflect on the choices we are making and how they are impacting our health, well-being, and the future we are creating for ourselves. The quality of our lives depends so much on the decisions we make and the paths we choose. 

I often hear my patients say, “I feel so lucky.” But after practicing for over 25 years, I am convinced that “luck” has very little to do with the quality of our lives. I have seen people in very challenging situations who are remarkably empowered with a strong sense of purpose and well-being. I have also seen the flip side of that coin. Many people who seem to have it all, in fact, feel quite unsatisfied. I am convinced that we can all make choices that improve how we feel. We are living in an extraordinary time filled with so much information and so many opportunities to improve our lives. Those committed to feeling better can obtain high levels of satisfaction. But like anything in life, it takes effort. 

I have spent the last 18 months traveling around the U.S. and speaking to different groups about kindness. In my travels, one recurring theme has become clear. Most people are aware that they need to be kinder to themselves. We are living in very demanding times. In general, we are on information overload and many of us feel overwhelmed, stressed out, burnt out, and sometimes even numb. If we want to improve our lives and the lives of those around us, we must engage in better self- care. Like they say on an airplane, put the oxygen mask on yourself first. 

When it comes to feeling our best, high quality sleep is essential. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine says 37 percent of workers are sleep deprived. As we age, the quality of our sleep declines and about half of older people report having some insomnia. According to the Center for Disease Control, 70 million Americans have sleep problems such as sleep apnea, restless leg syndrome, narcolepsy, or other disorders. If you think you have an undiagnosed or undertreated sleep disorder, make sure you talk to your doctor. 

If you are short changing yourself on sleep in order to keep up with life’s demands, you might want to give that a second thought. Sleep deprivation leads to increased accidents and multiple medical illnesses including possibly Alzheimer’s disease and weight gain. Let’s start being kinder to ourselves by improving our quality of sleep and making every effort to get the recommended seven-to-eight hours that most adults need.

Tips for better sleep: 

Turn off all electronic devices at least an hour before bedtime. Some experts recommend an hour and a half or even two hours. Switch to reading on paper to help wind down. 

Listen to soft music, guided meditation or sounds of nature to help you relax and fall asleep. Apps such as Headspace and Calm also provide assistance. 

Go to sleep and wake up at the same time, as much as possible. Some people find it helpful to set an alarm to know when to start getting ready for bed until the new habit becomes ingrained. 

Use the bed only for the three S’s: sleeping, sex and sickness. Don’t train your brain that your bed is for lying around. Our brains love patterns so make sure you are giving yours ones you want to keep. 

If you haven’t fallen asleep after 20 minutes, get up and move to another location. Return to bed when you think you are ready to fall asleep. You don’t want to get used to lying in bed awake. Remember the three S’s. 

Avoid caffeine after 3 p.m. Older adults may need to stop caffeine even earlier. Remember that chocolate is also a source of caffeine and can disrupt sleep so skipping the chocolate cake or coffee ice cream at night may make you feel better the next day. 

Use little or no alcohol before bed. 

Alcohol may help you fall asleep, but it prevents you from entering the deep stages of sleep, so waking up and poor sleep quality are common after drinking. 

Make your room conducive for sleep by making it dark and cooler. Experts say around 67 degrees is best, but it may be too cool for those of us used to California temperatures. Experiment to find the best sleep temperature for yourself. 

Take a warm bath or shower shortly before bedtime. The heat releases a powerful chemical called Oxytocin that helps us sleep. A few drops of lavender essential oil in the water may serve as a calming agent. A 2018 study published in “Holistic Nursing Practice” confirms lavender’s effect on sleep. Snuggling in a warm blanket or cuddling up with a loved one or pet has a similar effect. 

Some like to have warm, non-caffeinated tea before bed. Chamomile tea seems to help the most. Rituals and routines also remind the brain it’s time to sleep so consider making any of these changes part of your daily habits. 

Many of us find it hard to stop the ruminating. A good plan is to sit down with a pen and paper at least a half hour before bedtime and write a “To Do List” for the next day. After it’s on paper, try to focus on a relaxing activity before getting into bed and train your brain to stop the “hamster wheeling”. 

A weighted blanket can help maintain the quality of sleep throughout the night and prevent premature awakenings. 

Avoid over the counter sleep remedies and prescription medication for extended periods of time unless supervised by your doctor. 

If these techniques don’t work, talk with your doctor about other options. Generally, when we are better rested, we can make better choices throughout our day. We are calmer and happier. Better sleep can help set us on a path to make sure we are living our best lives. 

The post COURIER COLUMNIST Eva Ritvo, MD on Sleep appeared first on Beverly Hills Courier.