Recent threatening calls to schools across the country, including at Milken Community School in Los Angeles, have prompted lockdowns, leaving students, parents, and educators understandably shaken. While authorities continue to investigate these incidents, it’s important to recognize that even when a threat turns out to be unfounded, the fear experienced by those involved, is very real.
The good news is that most young people recover well after distressing events, especially when they have caring adults around them, accurate information, and opportunities to feel safe and in control again. We don’t need to erase every uncomfortable feeling. We can help people feel supported and trust that they can cope. This article focuses on some simple, research-informed ways that we can help our children feel more secure in the days and weeks following a scary experience.
Some children may want to tell us everything right away, while others would rather call a friend, grab a snack, or spend some time alone. My advice is to follow their lead. When your child opens up, try to listen, without rushing to fix things. Ask whether they want your advice or just need you to listen. You might say, “I’m so glad you’re safe. That sounds like a lot to go through. I’m here whenever you want to talk.” Be careful not to minimize their experience with comments like “Nothing happened, so you’re fine,” or add to their anxiety by saying, “I can’t believe what could have happened.”
Children don’t need to immediately recount the event to recover. Clinical guidelines advise against compulsory psychological debriefing after traumatic events. Listening when our kids want to talk is helpful; pressuring them to revisit distressing details is not.
Individual reactions may vary and can change over time. Some feel exhausted and want to sleep. Others become irritable, restless, unusually quiet, or more emotional. They may seem fine initially but become anxious days later, particularly when returning to school or hearing about another threat.
These reactions don’t necessarily mean something is wrong. If your child needs rest, let them rest. If they want extra comfort at bedtime, offer it. Check in gently over the following days without turning every conversation into an assessment of how they’re coping. Sometimes an ordinary breakfast or a walk together creates more opportunity for connection than another round of questions.
During a lockdown, children must follow instructions and wait, often without knowing what’s happening. For a student caught outside a classroom or separated from a teacher, that uncertainty can be especially challenging. Ask your school about the safety plans and find out how information gets communicated before, during and after a lockdown.
Afterward, small choices can help. Ask, “What would help you feel a little better today?” Let your child choose between spending time with friends, having a quiet afternoon, or doing something familiar. Maintain regular routines where possible, including meals, sleep, exercise, and activities they enjoy.
For teenagers, connecting with friends who shared the experience may be comforting. This is a time to pay attention to what they’re seeing on their phones. Social media feeds can be filled with rumors, terrifying videos, and speculation. Repeatedly watching clips or scrolling through alarming posts may prolong distress. Reset algorithms, encourage breaks from the coverage and rely on verified school communications.
Helping Kids Manage Anxious Thoughts
Another useful tool comes from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) which can help us recognize the connection between our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. After an overwhelming experience, a child might think, “Something terrible is going to happen again” or “I’m not safe at school.” Rather than immediately saying, “Don’t worry,” help them notice the unhelpful thought, the feeling that accompanies it, and consider whether it reflects reality.
Try asking, “What do we know for sure?” or “Is there another way to look at this?” We can acknowledge that something stressful happened while helping our kids recognize when fear is influencing their expectations. A thought is not necessarily a fact and learning to recognize that distinction can help children manage anxiety.
Returning to School
Once school officials confirm it’s safe, returning to familiar routines is generally helpful. If your child is very anxious, work with the school on a supportive plan rather than promoting avoidance.
Parents can ask practical questions. What should students do if they’re in a hallway or restroom when a lockdown begins? How are students accounted for? What support is available afterward? Clear answers can help restore confidence without making promises that nothing frightening will ever happen again.
Knowing When to Seek Help
Nightmares, sleep difficulties, headaches, stomachaches, irritability, or reluctance to return to school can occur after stressful events. These reactions don’t necessarily indicate a mental health disorder, and many improve naturally with time and support.
If symptoms are severe, worsening, or interfering with daily life, seek guidance from a licensed mental health professional. You don’t need to wait a month to ask for help, and effective treatments are available for children experiencing significant distress.
Support may be available from your school. Beverly Hills Unified School District has wellness counselors across its campuses, including NormanAid at Beverly Hills High School and BulldogAid at Beverly Vista Middle School. NormanAid also partners with The Maple Counseling Center to provide counseling on campus. Families at independent schools can contact their school’s counseling or student support team. Parents can ask about these resources at any time, even if their child seems to be coping well.
Research on how best to support children following stressful events highlights five important principles: helping them feel safe, calm, connected, capable, and hopeful. These principles form the foundation of Psychological First Aid, an approach that emphasizes emotional support, practical assistance, and restoring a sense of stability.
We can’t protect our children from every unsettling experience, and we don’t always have all the answers. What we can do is listen, help them work through their worries, and remind them that they’re not alone.
Sometimes the most helpful thing we can say is, “I’m here. We will figure this out together.”
Erica Felsenthal, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and clinical neuropsychologist in Beverly Hills. She serves on the boards of the Organization for Social Media Safety, Pangea Emergency Consulting and The Maple Counseling Center. This article is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for individualized psychological care.
